Fascinatin' discussion, ladies.
And I don't know that I can add too much to the already great comments. But...I always gotta jump in when the discussion's this good!
A couple of things...
About the weigh-in willies -- One thing that my WW leader admitted to our meeting one day was there have been studies which show that for some totally inexplicable reason people can get on the scale numerous times thoughout the course of any given day -- w/out eating or drinking or exercising in the meantime -- and their weight will fluctuate POUNDS. I really appreciated her telling us that because it's something I've suspected for years. And that fact alone has take some pressure off me at the scales...some. So -- on any given day our weight is just
sort of our weight.
I remember reading a recommendation in one of the low carb books (I think it was CAD or CALP) about weighing daily and then taking a weekly average for comparison to get a more accurate picture of weight loss from week to week. That seems to make logical sense to me AND it can sure take some of the drama out of THE WEIGH IN. But, I guess for some people who are obsessed w/the scale (BTDT -- but not anymore, thanks God), it might not be such a great idea.
To me, weighing is becoming such a relative thing. Both Chickadee and I have lamented our staying the same weight for awhile on these boards (although I must say that I come by my stall quite honestly. I'm playing w/food WAY too much...), but this isn't the first time I've lost the first 20 pounds and gotten stuck. But hopefully it will be the last time, since I'm not quitting, no matter what. But anyway, back to the relative thing -- If I just look (no -- make that WHEN I LOOK...
) at my weight over the past 3 1/2 months (-0 pounds), I feel poopy. But, when I think about my weight over the past 6 months (-20 pounds), I feel not-poopy. So -- if I want to make myself feel poopy, I think in the short term. If I want to make myself feel not-poopy, I think in the longer term. I do remember that my first few months in WW were much more dramatic at the scale for me -- and for awhile I sort of lived in some kind of suspended animation when it came to the rest of my life because the scale thing was BIG. I knew it was TOO BIG -- but I believed that I would settle down after awhile and I did -- not totally, of course, but I don't hold my breath waiting to weigh in like I used to, I'm not going anywhere no matter what and I've listened enough to know that I'm not the only one who's going through this.
I think it started to change for me when I went in w/a 3 1/2 pound gain. This was new for me because in the past if I had gained, I wouldn't show up to weigh in. That day I screwed up all my courage and went. I got on the scales and then I couldn't stop crying (I'm NOT a cryer). The even bigger issue for me than the weight gain was that I'd been bingeing the night before and had been totally incapable of stopping myself...even KNOWING I was going to weigh in the next day. I carried so much shame and fear w/me to the scale -- but I also had decided to see what would happen if I brought my bingeing problem w/me to the meeting. I thought, "Well, they're either going to help me w/this or they won't..." and for the first time I told the truth to the weigh-in girl. You should have seen her face (think: deer caught in the headlights)! She managed to compose herself and set up a private meeting for me w/my leader after the regular meeting. I sat there sobbing (fighting for composure and losing badly) because I couldn't imagine that anyone who was as bad as I was could really truly lose weight and keep it off. So that was my question to her -- I asked her if she'd ever seen anyone as bad as me lose it and keep it off. She looked calmly in my eyes and said, "You're looking at her."
Good enough.
Something else that seems to be changing in me is that now I seem to have greater satisfaction when I have a week that I keep my little commitments to myself (writing down my food and walking all 5 weekdays) and stay the same or even gain at the scale -- than I do on the weeks when I mess up lot and still lose...because it feels cleaner and more honest -- like I've really accomplished something good for my insides as well as my outsides. It's a great feeling to know that I've managed to hang onto my my good decisions for myself for a whole week. This is no small task for me.
Which brings me to one final point -- I read not long ago that most women w/eating disorders are so concerned w/their weight (outsides) because they are basically unhappy w/their insides. They believe that if they can just change the outside, the inside will be happy. I think there is some truth in this for me. Overeating masks all the internal crap that goes on w/my crazy little self and that's why I keep going back to it. (When I'm in the old "I hate me. I'm-never-going-to-get-this-food-thing-right" cycle, I just don't deal w/other problems w/as much clarity. It's the same way when I think, "I SO love me! This-diet-has-saved-my-life-and-now-I'm-so-cool-I-can't-fail" cycle. I suspect a good place to be is somewhere in between those two.) Clean, healthy food is great, but it's pretty hard to hide from my resentments or anger or self-pity or boredom or laziness or guilt when I'm only eating to feed my body. And now, since the "high" of starting a new diet and losing 20 pounds has worn off, I'm left with the much harder work of dealing with the issues of my life and attitude...and to really get honest about that, I have to get more honest about my food...and that is SO NOT FUN!!
We always think it's the fat that makes us unhappy, but I think a lot of times we're unhappy and so we get (or stay) fat...because it's easier and more comfortable than dealing w/all that other crap. It might suck to be fat -- but in a lot of ways it's easier than all the internal work some of us have to do just to become an average weight. Looking at it from that perspective losing weight for me has become a much deeper, harder work of the personality and spirit, as well as the body. But, it does clarify (and validate) for me why it is so @#%^& hard.
When people lose weight and keep it off, most people want to hear what the diet was. I did that for years. But, now, knowing what I know (or
think I know!), I want to hear the "other" story -- how they learned to live their lives w/out using food to take the edge off...how they learned to take food and weight issues off center stage and get to the real business of living life the way it's supposed to be lived.
I'm finally out of words!
Nitey nite!
Sooner
ok -- I just re-read this...I hope I don't come across as condescending or w/out hope. The reason I found this thread so good is because I can relate to every person who wrote here. I'm still struggling to find the answers...I hope I don't come across sounding like I think I've found them...I'm still looking but I have such hope that I'm going to get there. They say that hope is always for unseen things, otherwise it wouldn't be hope (or is that faith?). Anyway -- I need to get to bed!