he hasnt hit me since he was 16.. but he did get me good then... he became a felon at 18... started taking lsd about 2 years ago.. and no, he doesnt live with me.. i live in england atm and he is in oregon.. but he hasnt spoken to me but once in two years.. and only to tell me that he feels absolutely no connection to me cept the fact i gave birth to him.. that he does not love me etc...
what brought all this up, and i know its dumb, is i have a myspace.. he sent me a request a year ago to be on my friends... hasnt commented or sent me a mssg even once..when i talked to him on the phone about 4 months ago ( for the first time in 2 years) that is when he told me he doesnt love me etc...i ws sooo hurt, i took him off my friends list ..petty i know, but seein his pic each day after that really hurt... two days later he sent me another request to be on my friends... no mssg.. just the request.. so i accepted it thinkin he regretted what he said and wanted to talk.. well, still no mssg...
the last thing he did was a few days ago.. you can buy friends on myspace.. dont know how familiar you are with it.. anyhow, a friend of mine bought me, then gave me to him... he promptly gave me to his sister with the mssg 'here, you take her, i dont f ing want her'...i really used to enjoy myspace... keep in touch with all my friends from the states that way.. but he made it so depressing... finally yesterday i made a new one that he is NOT on...i just cant look at his name on my friends anylonger and know he hates me this bad...
being a mother of someone on drugs has got to be the hardest thing in the world.. other than him and his crap, i would be a very happy woman.. im completely and totally in love with my husband, im living abroad and seeing new things... i have a good life... but dang it all, i cant get out of this depression over him.. thanks for the advice guys.. it helps.. i know i need to sever the ties cause this person he is now is NOT my son.. he is some drug addict... but i so miss my lil boy