Jinkies:
I can 100% relate to what you are saying, and I am quite sure you are correct.
I too felt a long time like I didn't fit in anywhere. I was quite dependant on others, I was quite down on self esteem. Even the fact that I had someone who wanted to marry me (and eventually did!) didn't help. I stayed at home, I had friends, but I never really 100% let go to be "myself" with them, and if they didn't accept me for who I was, I shoved them out. I knew that people did love me and value me, but I didn't accept it, and couldn't find where I fit into the whole big picture.
About a month ago that started to change. I made some decisions to go out and get involved in things, regardless of whether or not my husband would be left home alone, if I was worried about how people would like me, etc. I started to feel more independant and confident. Then I realized that I'd been "hiding" from several opportunities to serve in our church. My DH and I talked, and decided to take over the leadership of our youthgroup. I got several letters from different people letting me know how much they appreciated the things I was doing. I started to feel important, loved, and like I had found my place.
Shortly after I started to feel this way, was when I finally had the "gumption" to try this weight loss thing again. It has been a COMPLETE success (one I never could have imagined!!) so far. I have found friends on these boards to support me, I feel valuable because I can give advice as well as get it.
I would suggest that you do 1 of 2 things (or both!). Either try and get out there, and find someplace that your particular skills are needed!! Or, I would suggest going to see a counselor. I did, and she helped me to learn to accept myself for who I was, and not depend so much on "fitting in" or on others to get my sense of self-worth.
I hope this helps, please email me any time for support, or to talk, or whatever!!
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