Hi y'all. I really hope I'm putting this in the right place.
I spoke to my therapist recently for the first time about my weight issues. She suggested in part that I find a support group/message board/chat where I could talk to other people about some of the stuff I'm feeling.
So here I am.
This was all prompted by a visit to my endocrinologist regarding the type 2 diabetes I've had for 5 years. To get it under control I need to lose weight and start an exercise program. I've tried many times but have never made anything stick. It isn't because I don't have the knowledge or the so-called 'willpower' (I quit smoking, drinking and doing drugs years ago, cold turkey) but I've never been able to get weight under control.
At the highest point I was 367, I'm 323 right now and have been there steady for the last 4 years. I can get down to about 318 and then I just start to panic. It seems stupid and I don't understand why I'm afraid to lose weight.
I discussed it with my therapist and the only conclusions I've come to are that:
--I'm afraid that if I do lose the weight I won't be able to maintain the weight loss and thus fail;
--I'm afraid that if I do lose the weight my husband won't be attracted to me anymore (he does not like skinny girls);
--I'm afraid that if I do lose the weight since I have so much to lose that when I'm done I'll have skin everywhere and be a mess. I'm also afraid of surgery to correct it;
--I'm afraid that if I do lose the weight I still won't look like the ideal picture in my head and will be ugly.
There, I said it. I'm thoroughly embarrassed and don't know what to do, where to go from here. Please help.