Hi all,
I am feeling really crappy lately and need some help from people who understand. I have gained all my weight back and probably then some...can't even bear to get on the scale or I will jump I sware! But here is the bigger problem. My husband....I feel like he wants nothing to do with me now that I am heavier. He says it isn't true but would you believe them? If you felt so awful about yourself...wouldn't you want someone to say "honey I love you anyway?". But then I say to myself....would I love him if he was fat and ugly? You know he actually "jokingly" told me the other day I was too old to wear thong underwear! I said "you mean too fat don't you?"
My BIL gave me a picture of myself he had taken over the summer and it was this picture of a fat woman....ME! I just wanted to scream. I would tear it up but I think I am going to need it as a before picture. Yes, even though I am about as down as I can get I am actually going to go to the gym tonight and join. If anything it will improve my mood and keep me away from the wine for an hour each night!
I am not going to tell my husband either for a while. I don't want to hear it from him if I skip a night...geez. Really he is a nice guy...he just isn't being supportive enough. He thinks that by telling me what I can and can't eat he is helping.
I look in the mirror each day and just can't believe how bad I look..how heavy I feel...how my body hurts. Why do I expect him to care? He weighs 170 soaking wet!
I hate the thought of "if I lose weight and he is suddenly interested again". Won't that just prove that he really was only into my looks. What looks....OH GOD I sound pathetic.
Please tell me you have felt the same way...