My name is Fae, and I am 22.

I've had... issues, I guess, with weight and food my entire life. I think about it entirely too much. As soon as I finish eating my mind goes to what Im going to eat next. if I have nothing to do i try to justify eating something.

From August 2006 to maybe April 2007, I got myself somewhat under control and was able to drop about 52 pounds. And since April, no matter how I have focused, I cannot regain my control. Ive been stressed and worrying. Ive been working and going to school, and I cannot focus my every thought on maintaining control, which was how I did it in the past. I eat mindlessly while telling myself I shouldn't. I feel ashamed about my food, I lie (even to myself) about what I eat and how much I eat. I dont eat as much as I want to in front of others (im terrified of Thanksgiving, there'll be a whole group here) I feel like everything is tied to how I eat, and everything is out of control because I cannot maintain it. It's terrifying.

I dont know if I'm even making sense.

Ive thought about going to meetings. Ive found where they are in my area. But Im so scared - I have no idea if I.. qualify, I guess. I don't want to have people stare at me and think Im a freak. I dont want to walk in somewhere and say "Oh, is this OA?" because people with think Im crazy if it's not. But I really, really want to just hide in a corner, sit where no one can see me, and see someone with my own eyes and hear them say that that they have felt the way I felt.

Im sorry if this wasn't appropriate for here, feel free to move it. Like I said, I don't even know if Im making sense... Im just feeling hopless about it all and had to get it out.

Thank you all,
~Fae

Welcome and good luck, you have made a great start. I think you will be welcomed at any OA meeting.

Welcome, Fae. You are very welcome here.

The only requirement for OA is the desire to stop eating complusivly as far as I know. I can relate to the fear but just take a deep breathe and walk through the door. Remember we are all the same and all different but we all have the one thing in commen to stop eating compulsivly.

Keep posting and asking questions. Do you have any OA literature to read?
You will find that at meetings too, you also might be surprised to find someone there you already know.

The first step is the hardest and you've taken that here in my opinion so keep on trucking.


patd

Hey there-

You are definitely in the right place. From your description of yourself and your relationship with food, you definitely qualify.

Walking into that first meeting is really hard. But, once inside, you'll find exactly what you are looking for:

"see someone with my own eyes and hear them say that that they have felt the way I felt"

Everyone in OA has or does feel just like you. In the OA program we find relief from the obsession with food. We find that we aren't alone and we don't have to deal with it alone.

There is hope. There is a solution.

The other people in the OA meeting are not going to stare at you, and they're not going to think you're a freak. They're there for the same encouragement that you are. AND, you don't have to tell anyone where you are going. You don't even have to use your real name in the meeting. The A in OA is anonymous.

You are worth it. You can do it.