awww tech wife...not the kids LOL

TECH ~ I'm thinkin' that maybe under your avatar picture Klye should be saying.....

"OH NO! Mom ripped another one!!"

LMAO at gary...that picture does match the caption LOL

BAHAHAH....this made my evening.

My husband has IBS I swear - almost everything he eats upsets him (he'll get it checked out once he's stateside). So h keeps the bed warm when it's cold - but come on I know someone else has a spouse that does this one...

he would fart in bed then lift the covers and fan it up towards us and laugh hysterically as i gagged and fell out of bed. HAHA, sad but I sort of miss that now!

Cakses: My best friend when I was a teenager used to do that to me when we'd have sleepovers. Only she'd put the covers right over my head! She's WAY worse than I am and I accredit her to teaching me to be 'anally expressive'.

Gary: That would be TOO funny with that picture of Kyle! And, to his credit, he's following in my footsteps, only, like most boys, he's VERY proud of his little toots. And he usually likes to be sitting on someone's lap when they happen.

This thread is truly cracking me up!!! Sad to say, but I guess it's something we all relate to! I actually bought my husband two books last year from Amazon, sort of as a joke: Fart Proudly - believe it or not, this one is by Ben Franklin (a collection of some of his satirical essays). One of the essays is a tongue in cheek call for some sort of invention that will "perfume" the smell of our "wind." He goes on and on describing how useful and popular this would be. Funny. The other is something like The History of Farting. DH was glad to hear that the average HEALTHY person farts about 15 times per day; in other words, it's healthy to pass some gas each day. I forget what the record is, but it's way more than 15!

Night - Funny about your girlfriend claiming to have never farted... that's my sister. She's 37 now and she's finally dropped her front, but for YEARS she maintained that she had never farted! yeah, right!

I also died laughing at the teacher who farted and kicked the trash can at the same time. Hilarious!! My sister actually dropped her front when her first pregnancy made her extremely and uncomfortably gassy; she was teaching first grade at the time. I asked her what she did while she was at school, and she said she just let them rip because the first graders apparently fart all the time anyway. They thought nothing of it. She said at most they might giggle and say "Someone tooted" but they all (she and the 6 year olds) just farted the day away.

We also have a teacher at our school (male) who has told me before that if he has a particularly obnoxious or irritating student, he will casually, as he is circulating around the room, pause by the student's desk (or worse - perch on the side of it), and let a ripe but silent fart rip and then casually walk away, leaving the class to speculate as to which student did it! Of course, usually the annoying student gets the blame.

I know that on days when I'm having trouble myself (yeah, I'm with ya'll on the healthy eating and fiber), it can make for a l-o-n-g day. One thing a high school teacher can NOT do is leave the class alone to take a little walk down the hall. I occassionally have a bad day where I can't wait to just get in the car ALONE at the end of the day, so I can get some relief!

This is a great stress-relieving thread, Gary. Thanks for giving my day some needed humor. And yes, send us your non gassy eating tips!

My daughter sent me this poem. Thought I'd pass it along:


A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......


A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!

Ha!

Wow Gary, your fart thread is still going! Who knew! hahahahhaha

I think it is PHANTASTIC when I have a thread that people enjoy


CLAIRE ~ Having 3 teachers in my family, that can't leave their classrooms, I know that they can "per-fect" the silent storm!

This is hilarious. My DH does the fart and hold me under the covers as he has tears streaming down his face thing. He laughs uncontrollably at anything having to do with "butt humor." I mean gasping for air, have to pause the movie, tears rolling uncontrollably.

But he doesn't think "ladies" should fart i.e. me. I am no lady. Too dang bad, we've been married nearly 15 years. But since it makes him a bit angry, I do usually blame the dog or say I don't smell anything. It never works.

WTF is UP with men who fart freely all the time but think women can't fart? Women are human beings, too! The average person farts 15 times a day? THAT's comforting! Sometimes, I think I'm the only woman who farts, but even I won't fart in public. I wish I had the audacity to, though! I sure hate that MEN farting in public is just "guys being guys" but when women do it, it's disgusting, uncooth, ill-bred, unrefined, classless, and God knows what else! Freakin' double standards!

No, Shane, you are not the only one...I let 'em rip all the time! I am especially affected by mushrooms...just one mushroom can unleash a "tide" of gas. Broccoli does it too, but not as bad.

I have a friend that woke up in the morning, farted a really long one, and her husband woke up and shut the alarm off...he thought it was the alarm clock! It should come as no surprise that when we were in grade school, the two of us would tape record our farts.

DH and I had the fart discussion this past weekend. (Over steak and asparagus, no less). It seems he is far more aware of my farts than I am of his. At least he's cool about it ~ as long as they don't stink and nobody else is around, he thinks it's funny. He also said he thinks it's cute when I try to play it off. I had NO idea he knew I was doing that!!

Does anybody "toot" more when they work out? Or is it just me? I have a theory that exercise aides digestion and that's the cause.

~Kim