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Eek! Should I go, or not?

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#1

lalique , 08-16-2007 07:25 PM

So, as you all know.. I have a serious crush on a guy.. We’ve known each other 2 ½ years, and have worked with each other for just as long. We were really good friends for a while, but because I have a huge crush on him, and I’m embarrassed of myself too much to let him know, I’ve kinda distanced myself. We see each other at work, and sometimes hang out together (we have mutual friends), that’s about it. Well he joined the army, and is now going away for a while, and 2 nights ago, I saw him, and hung out with him for a while.. His sister invited me to a “surprise” going away party for him. I really had no intention on going at first, but the other night when he was with me and my best friend (who he’s also good friends with) he said that he knew about the party, and wanted us to come.

So he himself has now invited me to come to his party.. Now I do feel like I should go, but I’m nervous!! Besides, he also said “maybe you can meet my girlfriend” HAH! I don’t want to meet her!! Well, I kinda do, because I wanna see what she has that I don’t, but on the other hand, I really don’t wanna meet her either…

Part of me wants to buy a new outfit, get my hair done, and go… The other part of me wants to hide!!

I really want to see him once more before he leaves. With where he’s going I just don’t know if I’ll have another chance to see him. But I’m so ashamed of myself, and I get all nervous, and stuff when I’m around him, I always end up putting my foot in my mouth, or embarrassing myself some how when I’m around him.

I just don’t know.

So should I go or not?

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#2

sockmonkey70 , 08-16-2007 07:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lalique

Part of me wants to buy a new outfit, get my hair done, and go…
Definately do what this part says. He's going away! Of course you should go! And leave a good impression..maybe when he gets back..well...you know
And you should get the outfit, and hair done ANYWAY..FOR YOU! It will help loads with the confidence

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#3

CLCSC145 , 08-16-2007 07:40 PM

I agree 100% with Mary!

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#4

lalique , 08-16-2007 08:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sockmonkey70
Definately do what this part says. He's going away! Of course you should go! And leave a good impression..maybe when he gets back..well...you know
And you should get the outfit, and hair done ANYWAY..FOR YOU! It will help loads with the confidence
Yeah. I don't really have the money for a hair do, but I think if I do go, I might get it done in a funky up-do anyway... And I'm going to get a new outfit for sure... Don't know where because nothing ever looks good on me.

My best friend (who knows this guy really well also), is the only one who knows about my crush on him, and she is very against him and I getting together, saying that I "deserve better than him"... So if she see's me with a new outfit and my hair and make-up done all up, she's gonna kick my butt for sure!

All the times she's tried to talk me out of liking him, its never worked. He's hot. He's got a great personality, He's funny, and dispite all the stupid things his done, he really has a heart of gold. One of many stories: When my girlfriends and I decided to go camping by ourselves, and a storm blew in, he got out of bed at 3 in the morning, and drove 40 miles just to get our tent out of the tree, and bring us home. Even though we offered him gas money, he didn't take it.

I just don't know though... I don't want to see the girlfriend. And I'm so embarrassed of myself, I'm just a klutz around him....

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#5

mj5 , 08-16-2007 08:21 PM

I agree w/ Mary and CC! Like you said, this may be the last opportunity you have to see him. Besides, if it isn't going well, you can always leave.

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#6

lalique , 08-16-2007 08:24 PM

I guess so... Well I'll probably go... I think.... Unless I suddenly at the last minute chicken-out...

The last time I had my hair done for a party that I knew he would be at, he didn't even look at me... So I'm not sure I'll even bother with that...

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#7

Bobbie Wickham , 08-16-2007 09:36 PM

You should definitely do things that will make you feel better about yourself--hair, nails, whatever. As to going, I think you need to ask yourself what is going to make you feel better/worse. Will going and seeing him with his girlfriend be more or less painful/frustrating than not going? Examine your motivations for going--are you going to see him off and have some final moments with a friend, or are you going because you are (and we have all been here) are nursing the hope in your heart of hearts that he will see you as more than a friend/come to his senses now that he's leaving town? Can you go and just have a good time for what the moment is? Will it serve as any sort of helpful closure? This may sound a little selfish, but are you going to make yourself happy or to make him happy? Only you can decide what is best for you, but, as I said, you need to figure out what is best for your own emotional health.

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#8

lalique , 08-16-2007 10:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobbie Wickham
You should definitely do things that will make you feel better about yourself--hair, nails, whatever. As to going, I think you need to ask yourself what is going to make you feel better/worse. Will going and seeing him with his girlfriend be more or less painful/frustrating than not going? Examine your motivations for going--are you going to see him off and have some final moments with a friend, or are you going because you are (and we have all been here) are nursing the hope in your heart of hearts that he will see you as more than a friend/come to his senses now that he's leaving town? Can you go and just have a good time for what the moment is? Will it serve as any sort of helpful closure? This may sound a little selfish, but are you going to make yourself happy or to make him happy? Only you can decide what is best for you, but, as I said, you need to figure out what is best for your own emotional health.
I have no idea whats best for my own emtional health. Seeing him with his new girlfriend can't be more painful than when he dated one of my friends a couple years ago.

I do want to go, to see him off, and wish him good luck, and see him one last time, in case I never see him again.

I'm not expecting him to "come to his senses" right now, because I know he see's me as a friend and co-worker, and nothing more, and I know he's got a girl in his life right now. It might be a helpful closure, but I'm not sure... It may be kind of emotional, knowing that he is leaving, and that it might be goodbye forever. I'm very confused. But this has become the norm for me when it comes to him.

I don't know if he'll care if I'm there or not. My guess is that it won't matter. So as for making myself happy or him happy, I guess its just for my own happiness. I'm not expecting him to be excited to see him, and hang around me the whole time. With him, I'm just satified with some simple conversation, and acknowledgment (spelling?) that I'm am there.

The only reason I would be disappointed, and upset for going is if he doesn't talk to me, or say only 2 or 3 words to me the whole time.

I just don't know now... Now that I examined all this, I'm back to the "to go or not to go"....

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#9

Bouncing , 08-16-2007 10:54 PM

Lalique, this party isn't about you. It's about HIM. Step out of yourself for a minute. Think about what he might want. To see his friend again before he goes away to God-knows-what, seems like. If you can't be happy for him and his girlfriend, "talk it until you can walk it." This is an opportunity for you to rise above your old self, which this journey is all about anyway. If for some reason you should never see him again, how will it make you feel to know that you could not, for one evening, reach for the selflessness to be a loving and kind friend to someone you like and respect, because you let your own insecurity rule the day? If you want to, you can do this with grace and true serenity. How your body looks is irrelevant and shouldn't even be a consideration. It isn't your body that is his friend. It is your heart, your spirit, your wisdom, your ability to see the better truth that lies beyond what your girlfriend sees. You are not the woman you used to be, and you are not the woman you are going to be. You are who you are right now, today, and that woman is EXACTLY as she is supposed to be. Refuse to listen to the whiny, insecure, I-WANT, self-obsessed voice, we all have one, and reach instead for the woman who walks in love and grace and sees into her heart and the hearts of those she loves. Go, girl, and give your friend love and good wishes as he goes forward into this new chapter of his life.

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#10

sockmonkey70 , 08-16-2007 11:03 PM

Shellie that was very touching.... *sniffles*
Great advice.

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#11

lalique , 08-16-2007 11:26 PM

That was very touching. Thank you!

I'm going.

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#12

beautifulone , 08-16-2007 11:50 PM

Shellie, your post is so beautiful and touching!
I'm going to keep a copy of parts of it, they are words I think I will look to many times

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#13

Mrs Quadcrew , 08-17-2007 08:34 AM

Shelie, that advice made ME cry! What a different light to the subject.

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#14

NotTheCheat , 08-17-2007 08:39 AM

Lalique - I am glad you decided to go!

Shellie - You are my hero! I absolutely loved your advice, it is so true.

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#15

Sandi , 08-17-2007 10:03 AM

Wow, Sheillie - that was some great advice!

lalique - we expect a full report on Monday!

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