I have been struggling with this off and on since I was 10.
Not to give too many details or to bring things up that may be uncomfortable for others (because I've had therapy for this and I'm really ok about it now) - I was molested by a stranger in a neighbourhood park when I was 10 and that's pretty much when my bad body image started. I found myself looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly, dirty, fat, horrible girl reflecting back at me.
By the time graduated from HS I thought I was an absolute cow. All of my friends were thinner than me and were constantly dieting. Little did I know most of them had some form of an eating disorder.
I'm so, so tired of seeing a fat person staring back at me. What's really strange is that IN MY OWN HEAD I look like who I was a few years ago when I lost weight, exercised regularly and kept that weight off for a couple of years. When I started re-gaining was during a really bad period for me. I was looking back at photos in 2004 when I was about 8 KG over my goal weight; I went to a party at a club in town and one of the girls I knew who hadn't seen me for a while said to me "Wow. You've really gained some weight huh?" This shattered me. Oh, to be only 8 KG over my goal weight now!! I've gained ALL of my weight back!!
I want to be the girl in my head. Not the girl in the mirror. I want to feel like what my DF says I am; beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, pretty. I want that again and I don't ever want to go back to thinking I'm fat or ugly or horrible. You would think that after all this time I would know by now that I'm not all of these negative things.
So does anyone else have these issues?