So, I haven't been gone awhile on purpose but more like life got in my way in more ways than one. Basically, it suddenly had a run on BUSY that was insane. A week of VBS planning, a week of VBS, a week of the mission trip with YouthWorks to a very high poverty area of WV that I cannot get out of my mind. Now, after four weeks, I have not been to Curves, have been either lenient with my eating or at the mercy of someone else for my meals (YouthWorks...there was no way around that one) and my clothes are feeling tight again, though I've been afraid to get on the scale because I already feel depressed and don't want to see the actual damage I've done.
I've just been miserable since getting back from the mission field and seeing pictures of myself as everyone else sees me. It sickens me and makes me just want to hide away so the world doesn't have to be exposed to me. Over the last four weeks, I could definately feel the impact of not exercising on my body...my energy level is low, I'm having more frequent headaches, etc. I've started to look into WLS because I just can't bear to go through life like this anymore! This isnt' how I see myself and I just don't want to be this way forever.
I had lost about 25 pounds over the course of about five months but now even that feels so incredibly slow and the thought of starting all over again...I just don't know.
I guess I just needed to vent as I try to find my way again.