I definitely feel similar, Dreamer. Granted, I'm not anywhere near skinny, but everytime I go to the bar I get hit on by guys, especially old men. I haven't been to the bar in several months, mostly because I'm not fond of the atmosphere, but I really do hate when guys try to buy me drinks and such.

UGH! That's happened to me before... twice. It's made me feel so awkward and ugly both times.

And the most ironic part is, I used to be that "skinny friend" that people would ask my friends about. But ****, it even made me feel awkward then... I didn't want to talk to someone who had to approach a friend just to get to me. That's not how it works.

I know exactly how it feels to be the D.U.F.F girl. You know the dumb, ugly, fat friend! I just recently got married, but we have been dating for 10 years. My friends always called me to go out with them, because having me around made them more attractive. It normally worked, they had guys all over them, while I sat in the corner, waiting to go home.....I'm glad that I came across this site, it's time that I do something about this.....

I'm grateful for the support that is here, and I plan on sticking to it this time....





"It's never too late to be who you might have been." - George Elliot

dreamer - i know how you feel...in fact i think if guys never hit on me when i was too young to understand - I probably wouldn't have gotten so fat to begin with. I'd rather be invisible than harassed.

This post reminds me of what comedienne Julia Sweeney (of SNL fame, most famously for her androgynous character "Pat") said to her adopted daughter,

"My my, aren't you pretty? Looks like you won't have to develop a personality like YOUR MOTHER did."

But I agree, during my chubbier days (which started since Jr. High) I became the funny one (not to mention one to be counted on for an impulsive dining out), and yea, part of it is so that I cut others to the chase about making fun of my being fat, and of course, to make friends and socialize, since my body isn't something attention-grabbing.

But never having been fit before, I'm in that awkward stage now when people are naturally approaching me--closely followed by comments about how I'm "so cheerful and funny and easy to talk to", oh, if they only knew --

Swear to all that is holy and good, the next man who does that to me is getting something cut off. I will actually cut him. Because I do have friends that look like real live super-models, it happens to me all the time. So either guys need to stop being jerks or I need to dump my friends and get some ugly ones.

To me, the worst part about being the designated fat friend (yes, even worse than the aforementioned situation), is how it interferes with my ability to make new friends with pretty people. My self-esteem is so wrapped up in my weight that here's how it goes:
-Lisa and Potential New Pretty Friend meet.
-Lisa is her awesome, funny, smart self and PNPF thinks, "This girl's awesome. We should totally be friends."
-PNPF puts out feelers of friendship; "We should hang out," etc.
-Lisa thinks, "Why does she want to hang out with a fatty like me?", simultaneously dissing both herself, for not believing that she's awesome, and PNPF for assuming pretty=shallow/mean.
-No friendship occurs!

Ugh, super depressing. I'm working on untangling the knot that is my weight and self-esteem, but man, it's hard.

Shelly ~ I'm the 'DUFF' girl of my group too.

I love my friends but hate going out because I always feel invisible and self concious. All my friends are beautiful and outgoing. I have no idea why they hang out with me. They try telling me good stuff about me but of course I don't buy it. My best friend is actually bigger than me but she is GORGEOUS.

You guys have beautiful friends? *L* I always interfere with myself for making PNPF by thinking - she's skinny- she must be thinking "oh my god, look at how fat she is, I hope I never get fat" and then I just decide I can't be around her. Hehehehe... I guess the shallowness goes both ways.

Yeah... For the most part, they're my childhood friends though; when I met them, I was 3-7. I didn't have all of these issues yet! Those were the days...

do any of you have a hard time making friends because of your weight?? i moved to go to college and people in this town are so focused on weight its really hard to make friends. any advice??

Don't worry you will find people to accept you. I was really shy when I started college too but you just have to try and open up to people and be yourself. I finally found a group of friends that I can have a blast with, 2 years into school LOL. Now I am about to graduate and I wish I hadn't missed so much time being timid

Hey,

You know what I realized recently. I lived in another city and I my Best Friend was this AMAZINGLY gorgeous girl. It never bothered me that she was skinny and perfect, in fact I would brag about her. I would parade her around my guy friends and watch them drool. I think I was living vicariously through her.

Then I moved to a different city and found two friends that were bigger than me and they did the same thing.. They would show pics of me to their guy friends and when we went out the would direct the guys to me..

Weird

Ahh... The minds of women are incredibly complex! We're our own worst frienemy (friend-enemy, thanks Perez Hilton). But, seriously, I can relate to ALL of you... I constantly feel--and sometimes know--my friends like hanging out with me because I'm so insecure and I'm heavier. I make THEM look better... at the same time, I love hanging out with them because they're gorgeous and thin, its like maybe I could be skinnier/cooler/hotter/better by association, that people will think "Hey, she's not so bad, she's friend with this hot girl"

I always sabotage friendships with thinner, prettier girls. I get so nervous and I'm constantly thinking "Don't mess up;" "Please look cool;" "Why is she being so nice to me?"

Same with good looking boys, I get so awkward that I avoid their calls, never want to hang out, never want to do anything and they eventually move on... I've turned down so many "shopping trips/girls days" with thin attractive girls for risk of having a nervous break down

Like you all said... Maybe I'm the one with the problem, I'm probably the most shallow of all the thin people I know? Eeek?

It's funny, I would have never thought to say this stuff about myself, but by reading what this person said, I realize that this is totally me. I would rather be loud and obnoxious and make fun of my self, then to have someone else say something, either to me or behind my back.

This cannot be constructive behavior.