I have been avoiding posting for a little bit. It’s so ridiculous. I feel out-of-control. My emotions are here, there, and everywhere.
Thank you Slashnl for sending me that PM about my absence. It is what prompted me to post today.
So a basic rundown: My relationship with my sister has hit an all-time low. Last week was terrible. We were supposed to have a fun night together--- go see a sports game ‘cause she got free tickets through work. It turned into seeing maybe seeing 20 mins of the game… her getting drunk off her dumb #$%… embarrassing me in front of my coworkers and boss whom we ran into (only the 2nd time she met them and the 1st time she was rude).. and a drunken walk to find my car in the freezing cold darkness. It was dreadful. Lots of her falling down.. lots of yelling (me at her, her yelling at me, strange men on the street yelling to offer her a way home…) and more I won’t go into. We got to the car and there was more arguing. She said, “why don’t you hit me” and I did. Right hook. She hit me back... We drove back home. She wanted her keys and I hid them (not gonna let her drive drunk).. I left the house for a while and came back to some of my stuff missing and/or broken and she had been picked up by a friend.
What’s sad is I don’t feel bad for giving her a black eye, kinda the opposite actually. It’s just after everything.. all the fighting.. her beatin’ on me and teasing me and so on (she younger by a 1 ½ yrs)… It’s kinda like she’s had it coming for about 20 years and I finally just got fed up with it enough. I know violence is not the answer (I have been in abusive situations before…I know about it) She, of course, doesn't think she deserved it. My whole family has said I must have finally gotten tired of how she treats me.
My sister and I haven’t talked really in the past week. I asked her about us putting in notice and moving out but she won’t really reply. I don’t know. If we did move I would probably quit my second job and move back in with my mom for a few months… or who knows… I am visiting my brother and sister-in-law in New York next month too. I’m not sure what I want to do but the current situation doesn’t seem to be working anymore.
I’m dragging emotionally. I haven’t been taking care of myself physically. God don’t even get me started on the eating.. at least I have been maintaining and not really gaining… but still.
Well, thanks for letting me vent. It’s nice to have friends to do that with.. it is rather lonely at the bottom.