I've got butterflies in my stomach because I'm considering doing the same triathlon I did last year. And you know what? I'm not convinced I want to do it.

A very distant part of me remembers how much I glowed after finishing last year. A very near part of me remembers how cold the water was, how tired I was afterwards and how much work it was. There's a million reasons not to do it. There's only one reason to do it - to beat last year's time of 1:59:12.

Here's the drama-rama: Last year, all I had to do was finish... this year, I can't just finish. I know, I know, sure, I *could* just finish but it's not worth it to put my face in that dirty, nasty, bay water if I'm not doing something besides finishing. Does that makes sense? There's a lot more at stake (in my mind) if I compete this year. Do I really want to do that?

On the other hand, if I don't do it this year? I'm not sure I'll get enough nerve to do it again. And yes, I still remember (faintly) that glow from last year and what a goal this would be (it's in September).

I guess I'm looking for some perspective. Help!

Do it!!!! Please do it....Dont ever let fear of failure keep you from anything. You lose too much that way. And from what I understand you are over ten pounds lighter than you were the last time right now and will probably be even lighter by september that means, all other things being equal, you are almost guaranteed a faster time. Please Do it!

Do it ! Do it !
There are a million reasons to do it as well, don´t think too much about your performance, although it´s always a nice encouragement to keep that in mind during training, but do it because it makes you feel great, because it will help you through your journey to your goal weight, do it because now you´re even fitter than last year and will be able to enjoy it more, do it as a celebration to your new life style, do it because you know you can !!

I read your blog and then your "My 1st Tri" accounts, and I have to say WOW! that's incredible, tremendously inspiring, and I agree with everybody, you sure are a goddess! Having done it once, you have nothing to prove to anybody, you ARE a triathlete, and belong to a minority that most of us can only dream of!

Some ideas about your question.... If you don't do the Mission Bay Tri this year, have you got any other plans? Maybe there's a more palatable alternative that will keep you focused on training through this summer? Also, even if you do it again this year, don't worry - 2nd time doesn't make it a tradition. (This is from your blog.) Chances are, each year you'll dread those nasty, muscle-numbing bay waters.... BUT - if you don't do the local Tri this year, are you prepared to not have the nerve to do a Honolulu Tri, down the road? Maybe there's some nice occlusive creams, good goggles, or nose or ear plugs, (maybe even a snorkel!?!) to help with the nastiness of the water, check out the search engines! And if you do the Tri, expect that glow again afterward; expect it to remain memorable, and most especially later in life when the choice is no longer available!

Also I think it does any crowd some good, to see that large women are competitors, do take physical challenges seriously, and can't be casually dismissed! Okay, maybe that was part of your motivation. Maybe the quick fade of last year's afterglow might be disappointment that so few full-figured Venuses challenged the Triathlete stereotype? You certainly did prove the exception, are you looking for a suitable new arena to disprove some other stereotype? Consider too that you already know how to show that crowd the grit of a true Venus, it's so worthwhile, and this time it'll be even easier!

Just some questions which you may have answers for, or possibly can help you know your mind a bit better. Me, I'd be excited that I still had the choice! But a Triathlon is really hard, and no way should you sign up if there's no payoff for you. As many others have told you in the past, you're already a triathlete, and that's just awesome and magnificent and.... make no apologies, Goddess! I'm sure whatever you do this summer, will be truly wonderful and worthy of admiration! (although I'd really love to hear you brag about your 2nd Tri!) Best of luck!

Just do it! Wait, did I just steal the Nike logo... whoops. Sorry about that nike!

Seriously, I too, read your blog -- you describe the event as scary and challenging, but also you speak about it with pride and enthusiasm. Plus you are more svelte this year by about 20 pounds (and I'm guessing more fit), so maybe breaking that time of 1:59 will be more easily attainable!

"Nothing is esteemed as dearly as something that is attained with difficulty."

Go for it! It gives you something to focus on in your journey other than just the scale numbers. Along with what everyone else is saying, I think you might regret it if you don't do it.
Besides, then we can all live vicariously through you when you tell us all about it!!

Do it...because you can!

Do it!!! You already know you can I read your blog and I'm inspired Im thinking about signing up for a triathlon in my area now.

Jessica,
I am so proud of you I say do it and we know you can!

Add me to the "do it" list (ha, that sounds dirty). I remember reading your post about the last one and it was soooo obvious that you were on an absolute high. You can beat that time, and it'll give you something to "train" for, which is a great motivator! Go for it!

I to think you should do it. I loved reading your recount of the event. I ditto becoming and that maybe you could find a couple of smaller events between now and then to participate and help you to stay focused for it.

Are you going to regret it if you don't do it?

I talked to my DH about a 3FC'er who dreads swimming Mission Bay, and he knew EXACTLY how cold it is. (So do I, btw, even though we live so far away!) He suggested, if you dream about training for the Honolulu Tri some day, investing in a custom-made wetsuit; or maybe even a drysuit, if money's no object. If your budget isn't big, and you mostly want to protect your face, or ease the muscle-numbing chill, he says to try a neoprene hood with goggles, or even just a collar to protect you from the shock of the cold. Of course if you get really competitive time-wise, you won't use this at an actual event; but it would sure help training!

Oh, and just go for the sheer joy of it! Don't sweat about being anyone's champion, after all, those of us losing 100 lbs+ are SO being champions already! This is for yourself, and keeping alive dreams worth going for! (And yeah - us sideliners will be sooo inspired!)

Go for it Jessica!

It is so awesome - you are an inspiration...

We are definitely rooting for you!