Yesterday, I was doing some serious thinking. I've been struggling lately to stay on-plan. I've exercised once in the last three weeks. Each day, I veer more and more off-plan. I've been eating too much and eating foods that I know are unhealthy for me and were major contributors to my current heavy weight. January was so easy for me. I remember thinking, "This is easy!" I was excited about my journey and the changes I was seeing. I was excited about my increased stamina, my improved mood, the re-newed twinkle in my hubby's eyes....my outlook was positive and hopeful...I could really see myself doing this! I was going to be slender and fit!
What happened? Why am I no longer excited? Where did my motivation go? What changed? Why am I stuggling each minute of every day to stay committed and do this?
I realized something....something that I never really saw before....I don't follow through with anything! I am a quitter!! So many projects left uncompleted.....a bathroom renovation for which the tile was purchased 6 months ago and it sits in the garage waiting for me all of this time. The books and camera equipment bought a year ago so I could learn macro-photography....collecting dust in the closet. The new sewing machine and the dress for my daughter....the dress that I never completed and would now be three sizes too small for her. The dreams of continuing my college education.....I pick up the information from the school, but never sign up. The dreams of running a marathon.....I stop running due to a muscle strain...and twenty years later, I'm still sitting on the couch. The dreams of working with habitat for humanity....I find the information and the phone numbers, but never call.
Here I am again...I'm at the crossroads again. I dream of being slender and fit. I dream of having muscles. I dream of running again....I literally have dreams at night in which I'm running! I dream of wearing beautiful clothes and walking about in the world with confidence! I dream of winning this fight!
I dont know why I've always quit. But, I know this....Not this time! This is too important...this is my life...this is my health! I may not always have a weight loss to report....I may not always have exercise to post...I may not always have an NSV to share....But, I will be here...and I'm not giving up!
Today, I'm back on plan. I have decided to start my journaling every day. I will be using Fitday. And, I am re-reading Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Solution. My journey will be one step at a time...day to day....from now until forever.