I can't control myself. I eat and eat and eat, mostly after 4:00 (after work) for so many reasons, I can't possibly write them all down. The biggest reason of all has to be I LIKE FOOD! Food makes me feel complete, satisfied and in my "happy place". I use it to reward myself after a long day (which seems to be every day now). The willpower to control myself just isn't there AT ALL. When I do try to eat less, my knuckles are so white it's blinding. I ALWAYS give in, usually without even thinking about it. Auto pilot. Addiction. I'm getting fatter and fatter everyday and it's starting to scare me.

I hear others say they cut out sugar and white flour all together and the cravings went away. They say it's very, very hard the first few weeks, but it does get easier. OK, I can see that. I am addicted to carbs. But what I don't understand is how they can do without these things FOREVER?! It seems sugar and flour is in everything. After researching it, I can see how it would be impossible for me to follow through with this. I can't give up those foods I love love love forever!

So that's it. Right? I'm destined to eat large amounts of food, feel bad and watch myself get fatter every day for the rest of my life. I just can't see myself go the route of "no sugar and flour from this day forth." No Christmas cookies, no tacos from China's Alley, no chocolate milk for EVER? Ya right! From where I am sitting I just don't see the middle ground. I can't eat in moderation for the life of me. Tried every single trick in the book, I still crave and give in, all night long. I try to stay busy, eat smaller meals, use smaller plates, eat only half and save the rest...they all don't work! I will eat. There is no talking myself out of it if that's what I really and truelly want to do.

Do you recommend I bite the bullet, say good bye to sugar and flour (which is the common denominator in all the foods I love) and stop the cravings that way, or keep failing by white knuckling it alone? I'm not like normal people. After 15 years of trying (and failing) I'm at the end of my rope. Nothing seems to stick with me. All or nothing, right?

First of all you're more normal then you think. Millions of us struggle with the same fears, cravings and feelings that you are going through. Including me and I would think most people here at 3FC. Don't think that you are alone, not for one minute. Alot of us are "good" all day long and then blow in the late afternoon or evening. You need to find something else to do instead of eating. And is far as giving everything up forever that is nonsense. You need to find something that works for YOU, where you can eat some of your favorite foods. You really need to look at this as a lifestyle change, something you can do forever and ever. You say that you love food, as did I, I still do. But you must decide once and for all what you love more - yourself or the food. Nothing, absolutely nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

I don't know how heavy you are but you can see my numbers just to the left and they ain't pretty. So I don't know what your weight it stopping you from doing. For me, I was barely able to walk, running was out of the question, sports was out of the question. I wasn't really living, so therefore I felt as if I was dieing. I was not participating in life, I was an outsider looking in. I was terrified that I would develop life threatening diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, be at higher risk for many cancers, heart disease and on and on and on.

I lived on carbs, tons of breads, pasta and cookies and cakes. But then I made the decision that I didn't want to live like this anymore. I just decided I don't want to be fat anymore. And realized that I did indeed have a choice.I didn't HAVE to be fat anymore. It was really and truly within my power to control it. And for the first time in my life, I'm 43, I am in control of food, it no longer controls me. And it feels better then any food ever tasted. Yes there are setbacks, but they are a minimum and to be expected.

The first 2 -3 weeks were very, very hard, and then I promise you it got sooo much easier. You start to see results as do others, you will be so proud of yourself you won't even want the food anymore. Those compliments do wonders for squashing cravings. And the cravings will slow down dramatically.

As for me I count calories eating mostly lean proteins and lots of veggies and the occasional slice of pizza, piece of cake and pasta. I used to eat ENORMOUS portions of food, a bottomless pit with an insatiable appetite and now I am satisfied with a mere fraction of what I used to eat. I had never met anyone with an appetite like me before, so yeah I'll say it - if I can do it anyone can. And so can you. Please feel free to PM me if you like. Good luck to you.

Hi! I can really, really relate. In fact, I wasn't going to reply because I feel like I am definitely more one who needs answers than one who has answers to give.

However, here is something that I am working through:

The constant dieting and drive to be thin is resulting in the bingeing. The natural result of most types of dieting is hunger. Duh! The thing is, for someone who has found the comfort of binge-eating, the tiniest bit of hunger makes a binge sound so good. Thus, DIET = BINGE. Furthermore, there is a deep desire to be thin. And the feeling is that the only way to be thin is to diet. So you KNOW you HAVE to diet. Soon. Like tomorrow. Right? So tonight you have to eat everything, everything because soon you can't. Then you wake up and try (most days) to DIET. You feel hungry. Then you are set up for just ONE more binge. The cycle continues. The ONLY way to break this cycle is: NO MORE DIET. (Gasp!)

What I have begun to accept is that I can't diet anymore. HOWEVER, I DO HAVE TO CHOOSE HEALTHY FOODS, MODERATE PORTIONS, ETC. I have to choose a healthy lifestyle. This is different from dieting in that I am making choices that I can maintain for life. I exercise. I eat small, healthy meals throughout the day (starting with breakfast... I don't starve myself all morning). I also must accept that I can't binge anymore. Both of these are hard to accept. But as I become willing to live in moderation I see that I am...SATISFIED. I'm not numb from using food as anesthetic/drug, I'm not filled with shame, I'm not hungry/starving/famished. I don't get to eat everything I want all the time, but the biggest blessing is that my ENDLESS WANTS have diminished. I no longer have intense lust-filled fantasies about the bread at Macaroni Grill or the Milk Chocolate Coconut thing at Godiva. I don't spend all of my waking moments thinking about either a) what I could eat next or b) how ashamed I am of my body.

I think we all want the easy answer. For those of us who struggle so intensely with food, we have to begin to accept that there IS an answer, but there is not an EASY answer. We HAVE to give somewhere, because wanting to be healthy and fit will not co-exist indefinitely with the drive to binge. One of them loses.

You know, I don't think you totally realize it but: YOU CAN DO THIS. You really can. And you will be satisfied. You have gotten so used to feeling okay with eating so much, but you will learn another way. You want to and you are seeking answers. You'll get there! Do not give up on yourself! I am not giving up! Success is falling down 99,999 times and getting up ONE MORE TIME! You can get up this time (and again and again) and you can do it.

God bless you!
Lindy

You guys make it sound so doable. I thank you for that. I know I need to plan better for when I get home from work, because I know that's my weak area. The hard part for me is making good choices, with what I eat and how much I eat. If I cook for the family, like tonight, I tend to eat more than I should. When I don't cook, I'll graze throughout the night. I know this, I need to plan for this. Easier said than done! But I will keep trying.

Thanks for letting me know if will get easier. That's what I need to hear and to be convinced of. If I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I might be more likely to take that journey. I need to keep going and not look back. I need to learn how to fight through the pain and discomfort. That is very, very hard for me. Getting out of my comfort zone is the worst!

Oh, and I weigh about 180 now, and I'm only 5'4". I'm 35 years young. 2 kids, first grade teacher. I am never without stress, and need to find another stress reliever other than food. I did take a hot shower tonight. That felt nice.

Hi,

I'd like to put in a little voice of reason here. I am one that gave up sugar, flour, salt, caffine and anything artifical. I think people give up certain things for different reasons. I happened to learn about the physiological (?) reactions the body has to the combination of salt and sugar or sugar and flour. You have one you crave the other. Why do you think they always have salty foods at a bar?

Flour, any kind, is simply the whole grain that has been processed and stripped of its natural benefits, sugar the same thing. Although I can't imagine needing to chew on natural cane. With sugar and flour, it raises the blood sugar, giving us a sort of high, only to drop us flat making us want more. If I don't have the sugar and flour, my body is on an even keel and I don't want them or need the affects any more.

Really, it's not that hard if you can be a bit open minded and creative. The name of my game is substitution and finding those foods that pack as much nutrition as possible, no wasted calories.

For me having no flour does not mean going without bread. Having no sugar does not mean I have no sweetness. Chocolate milk? What I was craving was hot chocolate in this cold weather.
As far a bread, i've found a number of wonderful products that have no flour, just whole, organic sprouted grains. Manna is one brand, Health Seed is another and also Ezekiel 4:9. I can dry the Ezekiel and make natural bread crumbs for any number of things.

For sweetness, I use Stevia. It's a plant much like mint only sweeter than sugar. It has no effect on blood sugar, has no calories or anything artificial. A brand called Stevia Plus also has added natural fruit fiber that helps repopulate the friendly flora in your intestines. (ok, maybe TMI )

My most recent find was whole, natural Carob powder, no caffine or theobromine, the 2 supposedly addictive/stimulant substances in chocolate. It is also naturally less bitter than chocolate so if used in recipes does not require as much sweetening in the first place. I put that in an unsweetened, natural vanilla, nothing added soy milk, heat it with stevia and i'm in heaven! Not to mention it packs a whallop of fiber that keeps me full!

At first I was concerned by what some considered the substitution factor and that I was just setting myself up to want the real stuff....It has never happened. We have to find what works for us. This happens to work for me and while I would never say that there is any one plan that is right for everybody, I would say, don't be influenced by naysayers that say you shouldn't try (yup, had my share of those). How are you going to know what works for you if you've never tried it? If it doesn't work, what have you lost? A few weeks of eating empty calories?

Just some thoughts...

Yes, the hard part is making good choices. But it does get easier. Once you get into this and make one good choice and then another and then another,before you know it you'rre making more good choices then bad. And before you know it this new, healthy lifefstyle will become second nature and the old ways, just that old ways. I also had and still do have much trouble as I am preparing meals for my family. I now prepare delicious HEALTHY foods for my family and they LOVE it.. I was doing nobody any good by making unhealthy foods. If I nibble on some cucumbers as I'm preparing meals or a red pepper it's not so terrible. My husband has dropped 20 lbs without even trying. And it most definitely is about substituting, our Monday night staple was breaded and fried chicken cutlets and rice, now it's GRILLED chicken cutlets w/ broiled tomatoes with lots of veggies and my kids actually like this better.

As far as the night time and de-stressing there's knitting, sewing and crocheting, bubble baths, a yummy hot tea w/splenda, exercising,reading journaling, logging on to the comp and talking and reading with the ladies of 3FC. You have to experiment and find what works for you. There most definitely IS something for you, you just gotta find it. This is really, truly doable.

Boy, can I ever relate -- my "problem" (other than the obvious, which is pigging out) is that nothing interests me as much as reading and eating -- eating and reading. Any wonder that I gained 60 pounds over a short period of time? One of my goals over the next week or so is to dig out one of my unfinished crafts -- just to keep my hands busy.
By the way -- even though I had a very stressful evening, I am pleased to report that I did not binge. Day One for me.
With the subject of giving up certain foods being discussed, I'm wondering if any of you have tried Michael Thurmond's "Six-Week Body Makeover" Diet?? Obviously, it takes more than six weeks -- but the four months my son spent on this plan were truly, truly amazing. He had to give up all dairy, all flour, salt and sugar, MOST carbs (his plan allowed plain oatmeal, occasional rice, occasional potato), and even most fruits. He was eating tons of veggies -- egg white omelets -- fish, chicken, turkey -- and started working out a few weeks into the program. I have to add -- he has a wife who was willing to do the shopping, meal planning and cooking -- all he had to do was open the refrigerator and grab baggies that were marked "break" or "lunch". He had to eat every two or three hours.
He lost an amazing seventy pounds in only four months -- has maintained now for about four months -- every time I see him, he looks smaller, even though he's no longer "dieting" -- just being careful not to add back in junk. Don't we ALL wish we could have this success? Don't we ALL wish we had a wife at home willing to plan our meals and prepare them?? If I sound envious, it's because I am!

Lizzy - WTG on not bingeing. Keep up the good work!!

And yeah I've always thought how much easier this weightloss thing would be if I actually had somebody planning, buying and cooking the right foods, and then of course serving it up and cleaning up after it as well. But back to reality..........Oprah, I'm not. Oh well.

Thanks for the info on eliminating flour and sugar, cantforgetthis. I guess I'm worried about finding things I can eat and still be satisfied. I'm not a good cook and my family is full of picky eaters. Add to that my husband's parents constantly ask us to go out to eat (tonight included) and it looks almost impossible. So I'm going to do some more research while I'm on Christmas break, and maybe dabble a bit in food choices before I go cold turkey. Kinda ease into it and see if I like it or not. It's true...what do I got to lose?

Thanks to all for encouraging words.

Heidi