I usually prefer to keep my posts fairly positive and keep my negativity to myself. However, I feel the need to vent about my behavior as of late.

I was doing so well and managed to get down to 121 lbs. - just one measely little pound away from my goal. Then I went on my usual gaining streak, which I've come to expect since I tend to go in a 2 steps foward, 1 step back pattern. However, I've just been eating like crazy lately. I had gained back above my "maximum acceptable weight" of 130. When I realized that, I curbed things a bit and got back into my comfort weight zone and got back down to 124 on Thanksgiving day. Since then, I've just been eating non-stop. Last night, I ordered a whole pizza, jumbo hotdog, french fries, and german chocolate cake to be delivered to my apt. I live alone! Why do I need to order all that food? Fortunately, I didn't eat all of it in one sitting (I barely touched the pizza, and some of the cake is still in the fridge).

I haven't weighed myself again yet, but I'm afraid I'm back up to at least 130 again. It's so strange how when I got to 130 for the first time, I felt good but now that I know what it's like to be 121, I feel so disgusting at this weight. I'm sure part of my feeling disgusting is the fact that I've succumbed to eating "disgusting" foods (pizza, fries, junk in general).

I know the question will be: "what's going on in my life?" Last month, my boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up and I moved into a new apartment. So, yeah, I realize some of my eating is related to the stress of new changes in my life. It's like, 'well, I have no one to cuddle, but look, here's a yummy donut!' However, I have a gym in my new apartment, which helps, but the closest places to get food are 7-11 and Dunkin Donuts. Fortunately, I just discovered that I can order groceries online because there are no grocery stores within a 30 minute walk and I don't have a car.

Anyway, I am confident that this weight will come back off (I'm not changing my ticker) and I will try not to stress out about it. I just needed to vent; thanks for putting up with me.

I'm right there with you. I started out fine on Thanksgiving, but have fallen off track since then. My weight is up several pounds (the scale affirms that). I'm ticked off at myself, but not so much that I'm going to give in. Tomorrow all the house guests leave and I can actually throw out the food I do not plan on eating and then I can get back to the usual work. I really did eat some things that were not part of my diet program--regular pizza (for dinner and breakfast) chips and salsa, crackers and cheese....the list could go on but I'm too hungry to think about it now. And like you, I will not change my ticker. I refuse to move that thing up! As soon as it goes down (and stays down for at least a week) I feel confident in moving it. Everything else is too temporary to worry over!

Oh, poor dear. I went through something like that last year. I got down to 132, then went back up after I hurt my knee and had to really limit my activities. It's so scary to wonder if you've lost all the control you think you've developed. I floundered for a while, but I'm finally going back down and I think you can, too.

It's nice to think we'll get to goal and live happily every after, but life is life. Maintaining is a challenge, just like losing. I think you've got a good attitude and I agree you shouldn't change your ticker.

Here I go sounding like a paid informant for BFL but ... It might be just the switch up you need. Come and see us in the threads under Ladies Who lift!

I find the notion of ordering groceries on-line fascinating! Bfl has foodlists ... I could just order in from the list ....tick, tick, tick ... and not have to walk past the cookies, cornchips and ice cream!

It's possible that your permanent weight goal might not be realistic for you. 120 could be low for your height. Perhaps you can raise your expectation to somewhere around 127 and try to lift weights to work off the junk you eat and build muscle tone to keep your metabolism up. I dont believe maintenance should be as strict as when you're on a diet FOREVER. It is a depressing thought to be practically starving or dissatisfied forever. So if you allow yourself to be just a bit curvy, but toned, rather than super thin, you will find that you can eat a lot, and definitely a bit of junk thrown in. Of course I'm not recommending a binge, but in moderation it will be OK. In the past I maintained 128 (I'm 5'2) on working out with heavy weights 2 times per week and walking a bit (as you are forced to do when living in NYC), but I was able to eat quite a lot. I really think having a lot of muscle tone helps keep your weight stable. I am hoping to get back there myself! Best of luck in your new apartment luv.

Dont be so hard on yourself Allison. It is nearly impossible to stick with a program with guests around ordering pizza! With the amount of weight I see you've lost, clearly you will be able to get back on track just as soon as they depart LOL. I myself gained 2 pounds on Thanksgiving and the next day (the big leftover day). I was actually happy that I hadn't gained more! Ugh

Everyone, thanks for all your feedback. Sometimes, I don't know what I'd do without this place.

Alinell: I'm awed by your ability to throw out food; you've got some awesome will power. That's really hard for me and I can rarely do it. However, I was out last night and one of my friends gave me the idea of putting the leftover pizza in the freezer. For some reason that never occured to me; I would always just keep the box in the fridge. This way, I don't feel obligated to eat pizza every day before it goes bad. So that's at least a baby step in the right direction. And you're right, "everything else is too temporary to worry over," this weight will come back off.

Jazzbird: "It's so scary to wonder if you've lost all the control you think you've developed." - That definitely has crossed my mind many times, but I try to remember that I've trained my mind in addition to my body, and that mental training can't be undone overnight (although it does seem to take a vacation sometimes ). Major props to you for overcoming having been set back by your injury!

SusanB: That's a good point. I hadn't thought about not having the temptation of walking past all the junk food. No impulse purchases - another bonus.

Mami: Incorporating lifting weights into my workouts is definitely important(it's the only part of my exercise that I sort of enjoy; I tend to hate exercising in general), although I do rely more heavily on the cardio. When I'm in a consistent mode, weights make up about 1/3 of my workout time. I measured my body fat percentage when I was at 122 pounds and it was 14.6%, which is pretty good and indicates that I have a pretty decent amount of muscle.

It's funny that you mentioned 127 as a suggested weight because when I look over my weight record (I keep track), 127 is the number that comes up most frequently. It's easier for me to maintain that weight, but I'm happier in my skin when I weigh less, and I have been able to maintain a low 120-something for extended periods of time. The drama in my life is subsiding, so with that stability, I'm sure my weight will stabilize as well.