Oh, yes, I can really relate to this. I finally came to the conclusion that my friends and family would rather know I was trying yet again than to think I was going to be so heavy forever. They cared about me and my health. I still don't mention my weight struggle to casual acquaintances and co-workers that I'm not close to. I only tell those people that I know really care about me.

Yes, which is why I don't talk about it with people I don't think will understand, and why I don't use it as an excuse when people ask why I've refused food or dessert or chosen a salad instead of a fattier entree at a restaurant. "No thanks, I'm not really hungry," or with food pushers "My stomache is a little upset" (no one wants you to barf on their carpet, and in restaurants "I really had a taste for a salad"

If people ask if I'm dieting, I say "not really, I just am trying to make healthier choices, and if I lose some weight in the bargain, bonus!"

And it's really the truth. I find it easier to lose weight, if losing the weight isn't the GOAL, because then I do stupid stuff to reach the goal or feel bad if I don't lose as quickly as I'd like. Eating healthier and exercising are better goals for me, and the weight does come off as a great side benefit. It is alot slower this way, but I haven't gained any of it back, and I've lost or maintained weight for the last two years, which I've never done for more than six months before.

No......never!

You should never feel ashamed for making honest efforts. I get seriously discouraged, but never ashamed.

Have you failed? Have you lost weight with every effort? or, have you lost weight, but not managed to stay on your diet, and you gain it back?

The only person I tell Im eating on any sort of plan is my husband. He is unbelievably helpful. The only time I tell anyone else is when the need arrises. Like when my mom is coming to visit, I'll tell her not to bring my favourite chip dip (can only get it in canada) stuff like that.

But never let yourself feel ashamed for your efforts...they are honest efforts. Its just harder for some of us to stay the course, and some of us even gain back 1/2 of what they lost (me) Im sad about it......but its my battle, not anyone elses.

Alright, this was your first post, and I jumped on ya! Im sorry about that, but please please please dont feel ashamed!

I never felt ashamed about it, but I also didn't talk about it with people who I don't see very often. I didn't want to get into The Conversation and have them give me advice or ask me about it every time I spoke to them. In my experience, people tend to keep giving you all sorts of advice even when you don't want it (which is especially rough when you've hit a plateau) OR keep asking things like, "are you still dieting?" and "how much have you lost?" etc. and I always felt like it was a private sort of thing and didn't really want to discuss it. Which is ironic considering I'm right now writing about it on the internet (real private, Kate!)

I didn't actually "tell" the people I saw every day, either. But if they noticed I'd lost weight or asked me what I was doing, I'd just say, "I joined a gym" or "I've cut out soda." I just never wanted to get into all the "diet" chatter with people -- other than with my very dearest friends and all YOU chickies, of course!

Yes, I have been ashamed to tell family that I was trying to lose weight again for the zillionth time. I've even had them say "it never worked before, what makes you think it will this time". It's so nice to prove them wrong. Maybe I'm a slow learner, but not trying is giving up. I'll never give up. Many of us have "dieted" numerous times and then finally it sticks.

I am there right NOW! I feel so frustrated and like such a failure!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I totally get what you are saying. I often feel embarassed & like a failure. It's not like quitting smoking (as an example) it is easy for anyone who sees me to tell if I'm doing well or not.

Oh yeeesss, and the odd thing is that I hadn't spent a lot of time dieting, but the times I had were always failure. When I started again last year, I didn't tell a soul about if for the first 2 - 3 months, except my husband. I didn't want to have to face everyone when I failed. (And also, I find some people who go on and on and on about their "diets" while they're munching a bag of Doritos very boring. I didn't want to do that to people.) Only after the first few months, when I could finally see that it was working did I admit it to my close family.

I still don't like to tell people, although if they ask I will usually tell them.

I don't even tell my dh! I have made so many attempts it's pathetic. I try to hide my diet books, etc, from him and anything else related to diet!

No one knows that I am restarting today. I quit telling people cause they are critics, except you guys. They just wait for you to fail.

I have trouble telling people I am doing low carb. It's not even that I'm necessarily ashamed. I'm usually more stand up when I believe in something. I just get tired of defending it. My most recent defense is just "my body can't handle all that starch." Which works because of my strong family history of diabetes, I just throw the old diabetes punch into the conversation and they often back off anyway. Then it's more "well at least she's trying to avoid diabetes." People that knew my parents (yep, both gone, both diabetic) understand and are very very supportive.

Besides, what's worse, low carb, 100 lbs overweight, or diabetes! geez. Ya'll stick to your guns, this is for you anyway, not them.

Kel, I know exactly what you mean about "tired of defending" low carb. I've ran across this a lot. My family thought I'd lost my mind.

Yep, I'm ashamed. Ashamed that I STILL haven't managed to get control of this area of my life, mainly. And because I've spent the last 10 years fiercely pretending to the world that it's not an issue, I can't bear facing up to the fact that it is. I'm scared of them realising how unhappy it's made me and pitying me.

But we have taken a step that so many never bother taking. We've got to be proud. EVEN IF the shame was right (and I don't think it is) - will it help us get there? No! We've got to be proud of our attempts, or we're just heaping more burdens on ourselves...

Now I just need to remember my own words!