What would you do? need advice!

  •   #1  
    kl_life's Avatarkl_life , 10-04-2006 02:16 PM
    Ok so Im gonna try and make this nice and easy to understand and apologive in advance if it gets a little long. My husband and I are friends with another couple. This couples relationship has been kinda rocky over the last year or so.

    They have been together for 3yrs. In the last year she left him once and returned to living with her parents until her mom kicked her out of the house and then she went back to him again. She had been living with him for a couple months again and then wham she left him again.

    Apparently he came home one day for lunch and she was packing her things up and in process of leaving without even telling him. Apparently she got her student loan money and has a job lined up so now she doesn't need him to support her.

    Im saying apparently because obviously there are two sides to every story and this is just what he has told us thus far. As far as we knew things were going good btw. the two of them...we were all just together the weekend before so we were in shock.

    I assumed that I probly wouldn't hear from her since her now ex was how she entered into our group of friends. However I only recently moved here just about 2yrs. ago and have really been open to all of the guys and girls that my husband is friends with.

    Apparently she really valued our friendship..... I say this because today I got an email from her basically saying that even though she knows I heard about her and her ex...that she still hopes that we can be friends because she really felt that we got along well.

    What do I do????
    Initially when her ex was talking to us about everything my instant reaction was that I was pissed at her for doing this to him again...for what seemed like only going back to him to use him for the little while until she got money and a job. I see the pain that he is going through and it just makes me soo angry.

    On the other hand today when I got that email from her I started thinking to myself...you know it really is a shame that this happened btw. the two of them but that is exactly the point...its btw. the two of them and not btw. me and her.

    I don't know what to do...I don't know if it's right to be friends with her if what he says she did to him is really true. What would you do????

    Lost and confused
  •   #2  
    4myloves's Avatar4myloves , 10-04-2006 04:23 PM
    First of all, you're right when you say there are two sides to every story.

    Second of all, how did she "use" him by living with him? Is she a sponge? A lot of wives live with their husbands (in bad relationships) because they can't afford to leave, but if they won that lottery--look out!

    Third--things tend to get REALLY sticky when you start playing the high-school game of "you can't be MY friend if you want to be HIS/HER friend!!" I'd try to stay as neutral on that point as possible.

    (Don't read this the way it's gonna sound when I type it--pretend I'm talking to you): At this point it'd be best for you just to back away from both of them and definately "don't get all up in the middle" of their divorce (which, btw, may not actually happen from what you've described in your thread). This totally sounds like the type of couple which could wind up getting back together and HATING you for anything you may have said about their SO's while they were apart.

    Summary: Stay as far away from both of them as you can (I know that may be hard since they're your husband's friends) and DON'T CHOOSE SIDES!!!!!! Let it be known very clearly from the start that you won't choose sides and that you won't bad-mouth one to the other.
  •   #3  
    Wolfena's AvatarWolfena , 10-05-2006 04:54 AM
    Do you WANT her as a friend???


    if he was the one who you'd consider to be your friend first (or your husbands) then just stick with that... you don't have to be mean to her or anything, but there's plenty of people in this world to have as friends. There's no reason to keep people around just because you think you are obligated to (even if they didn't DO anything wrong to you specifically)

    If the situation is uncomfortable, just let it go - remain as aquaintances if you see her around.... no need for you to make plans with to hang out or chat or anything like that. (again - unless you WANT to!)

    The situation of what happened between them really has nothing to do with you regardless of whose side you chose to believe or agree with.
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