Something I just read in the October issue of Women's Health magazine really struck a nerve with me. A quote:
After I read that I nearly cried when it sunk in what I had just read and how true that is for me. You see, I have since a young age been taught that thin people are better than fat people in everyway; smarter, prettier, happier and just all around better people and fat people are ugly, stupid, lazy and all around worthless people.

I wasn't fat as a child until around 8 or 9 years old. You can look at photos of me before age 7, maybe 8, and I'm a normal sized kid, then look at my 9th birthday picture and you see a kid about 30 lbs overweight. I didn't realise I was fat until I was 11, I've been unhappy about it ever since. I remember being 11 or so and sitting in my bedroom looking into my mirror at the rolls of fat on my stomach grabbing a big handful in my hands and squeeeeeeezing and hitting them as hard as I could while thinking (maybe saying out loud) how much I hated them and wishing I could just rip them off.
I see myself as a worthless person and that means I deserve to be fat. My internal dialogue is seriously messed up.

These core beliefs I hold really explain the reversal in my weigh loss progress. Last summer I was eating well, exercising often, losing steadily, feeling great AND, most importantly, conciously working on my internal dialogue. I was telling myself things like:

"I DESERVE TO HAVE A HEALTHY BODY AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF."

"I DESERVE TO BE THIN AND LOOK HOT."

"GOOD MOMS TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES TOO."

"I AM NOT A BAD PERSON."

"FOOD IS NOT MY FRIEND."

"FOOD DOES NOT FIX FEELINGS."

Then I was feeling smug and complacent after recieving all kinds of compliments from my family about how good I was looking and I started "treating" myself, perhaps "self-sabatoging myself" would be a more accurate way to put it, with sweets. LOTS of sweets.
Kind of funny in a way, I made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with out going crazy on junk, but after the holidays I went nuts and over did it all.
So the point I'm trying to make is I've just realized, again, how much what I think and feel about myself affects the junk I eat and that I am making a daily concious effort to filter my internal dialogue and edit it. Remarkably, I am seeing progress again after 2 days and that feels good. And I deserve to feel good about myself!

Thanks for sharing !!
I was really hanging by a thread today, after a few "slips" over the weekend, reading what you´ve posted made me realize many things that were right there and I just couldn´t or wouldn´t see it ... so THANKS !
And keep going !!!
All the best,
Ana

You do deserve to feel good about yourself

We all do, but sadly I grew up feeling that way too. In the past when I tried to lose weight it would never work out because I felt so negatively about myself. These days, I've been able to keep a healthy attitude (thank goodness) and so far so good... but I'm still erasing those messages from deep in my mind, that being fat does not decrease one's worth... how sad that this is what so many people feel and think, and that kids pick it right up. I like to think that us here and others elsewhere who are trying to or living a healthy lifestyle will set great examples for kids and act as admirable role models and most importantly, try to teach kids to love themselves unconditionally. That's a little tangent.. but I think if we all grew up feeling worthy, what a difference it would have made!

I read that too. I also think that is at the core of my troubles. But, I am blind to my self-loathing. If you asked me I'd tell you I hate great self-confidence, and that I didn't have any negative internal dialogue. Yet, after reading that, I started paying attention and caught myself mumbling, "I hate myself" while trying to pick out something to wear. "I hate myself?!?!" Where did that come from?

I think this is 100% mental for me.

One thing that helped me was that I used to have a lot of negative self talk. So when ever I caught myself saying something mentally that was negative about myself, I'd stop it and then say something positive. It really does help. I am no longer plagued with continuous negative self talk. Sometimes it still happens but it is rare.

Thanks for sharing.
I have been having a really tough time lately and have found that my self loathing isn't helping.
This made me realize that it needs to stop in order to be successful.

There's nothing wrong with being fat. It doesn't make you a bad person or less worthy of love or attention. It just means you are fat.

People bind their weight up with everything else. If they lose weight they will get a partner, if they lose weight they will get a better job etc, etc, etc. Its a load of toss! And hey, I've done it too but it isn't true.

I'd suggest, and it seems that you are doing it, that if you seperate your weight from everything else it'll help. Lose weight out of love for yourself. Don't let it hold you back from changing things you don't like right now!

Just be aware of your internal dialogue and give it a gag to wear every now and then. You do deserve to be happy and you do deserve to love yourself. What's the worst thing you have done..eat? Sheesh! Its not like you are a terrorist is it?

I'm all about the positive. I can attest to the positive mind frame working well for weight loss AND I can also attest that negative thoughts, totally trash my efforts. Generally, I am a positive person. What's funny for me is the second I turn on that positive mode, I feel better, I feel like I look better and things automatically start looking up for me. Even when the day before I was feeling like a pig, all fat and disgusting. When you set yourself up for winning..... it works! I don't think that ANYONE should feel bad about themselves for being overweight because it CAN be fixed! I was always overweight growing up. I was never the most popular, never the prettiest, never the smartest, but you have to realize that you don't have to be the "est" of everything to be happy. I married the man of my dreams at darn near close to my heaviest. I got the perfect job heavy. I have a family heavy. I'm HAPPY! and I'm doing something about my weight. You can be happy at any size and you can achieve weight loss through positive thinking and determination. You CAN do it. I wish everyone here much happiness, positive thoughts and wellness throughout your journey. This has Nothing to do with LUCK! It's about the positive energy you put forth in accomplishing your goals.!

Love to you all!
Gretchen

I was brought up to feel unworthy because of my weight. Only at a "perfect weight" could you have a good job, a good relationship, wear nice clothes etc etc. My mother was a classic "when I lose weight I will be happier, more lovable, etc etc". I bought into that for a while, until I realised that thin people could be miserable too!!!!

Once I left home I discovered I could have all sorts of good things without losing weight, it became quite empowering. I got nice boyfriends, found nice clothes, got good jobs. But my experience was self-limiting too, if I could have a good life whilst being fat, then why be thin????

It was only when my parents were diagnosed with lifestyle related conditions (high blood pressure and diabetes) that I realised that I was potentially causing myself physical damage being overweight, and I had some incentive to change.

So fortunately, I have had a positive outlook from the beginning. I am losing weight to be a healthier me, not to be a worthier me.

I always say this, but losing weight is so much easier if you do it from a position of self love rather than self loathing.

Now that is so my mentality. I have been married to the most amazing man for 14 years. I have a wonderful son. I have a good, well paying job. I have a beautiful home. Wonderful friends. My health is being affected, but stuff like my feet & legs hurt - not stuff like diabetes, stroke and stuff. Stuff I can (and do) ignore.

Sometimes I think it's going to take a serious medical problem to make me wake up.

Thanks for sharing.

Several years ago when I taught at a middle school in the states we had a guest motivational speaker and the gentleman struck such a cord with me. He talked about positive thoughts and what he called "word magic" He said you will have the day you believe you will have. If someone says how are you and you say I'm ok then many times your mind will convince you to be just OK. If you say great and do it with enthusiasm then you will feel great. He told the kids he would answer the question "Fair to midland." He was finding himself feeling that way but he changed. He started using words like fabulous, fantastic among others and it changed him. He began to believe it.

I always believed that after that day. You are what you think you are. In the morning say "Hello Gorgeous" instead of "Oh MY GOODNESS what happened???"

Granted I have my moments frequently when I see the other Darlene. The fat and getting older chick but I try to put her away and bring out the other me. The one with nice skin, nice dye job, nice whatever else I can find.......

One more note.....an old gentleman told me once....Darlene one of the most attractive and sexy things a woman can do is be confident. The rest is all ok but that is my number one and many other men's number one attraction.......confidence.....