I've been thinking today about dreams and goals and the differences between them. I was talking about a dream body in a recent post and how I'm very much aware it isn't my goal body. I have a goal to lose 10 more pounds to get to pre-baby maintenance weight. I'm doing a lot (usually) to make that happen. Working at it. Size 12 goal. I'd love to be a size 4, but that just isn't a goal for me right now. A daydream, a wish maybe, but not worth my time and effort at this stage of my life.

I think the difference for me boils down to that: work and achievability. If it is something I will work for, it is a goal. Like a 5 lb loss, or a new best time in a race, or maybe a promotion. But if it is something I'm not going to work for, it is a dream. Like winning a race. I don't think all dreams are achievable, but some could be.

But, here is where it gets weird for me. Once, losing the weight and looking like a 'normal' person was a dream. And somehow, as far fetched as it seemed at the time, it became a goal, and achievable. Dreams can also inspire goals for me, so maybe that is what happened.

What dreams did you have about managing your weight? Were they different from your goals? Which dreams became goals? Which dreams do you still have? What goals do you have left to achieve?

Anne

This is a hard question but I'll give it a shot. Isn't everyone's dream to look like a fitness model witout having to control your eating or go to the gym? What, that's just me?

Even if you narrow it down to "look like a fitness model" it's still going to stay a dream for most of us. But it can still be a goal to work towards, can't it? If you break it down into achievable goals, ie a certain body fat percentage or body compsition, at least you be working towards something you may be able to reach. My dream was to get back to my high school weight and when I got there I realized I hadn't dreamed big enough. So that dream became a goal to see how strong I could get and how long I can stay that way. My dream now is to be fit and athletic when I'm in my seventies. I don't want to worry about frail bones or take a ton of medication like my grandparents and inlaws. That's a goal I work on for the next forty years.

Which dreams did you have about managing your weight?
I think when I was over weight - all through my childhood and teens up until about age 22 (I'm 23 now!) I used to wish I was one of those "naturally skinny" people - you know, the kind ORDERED by their doctor to eat Mars Bars to put on weight!!!! Yes I KNEW someone who had to do this! I dreamt that I too had to put on weight and would eat Mars Bars! When I was a child it never occured to me that being fat/overweight was in much of a way undesirable. Until I started to get bullied, but I saw those bullies bully other kids about other things - if it wasn't my weight, it would be my glasses!
The things I did then were really stupid looking back now - we'd get fish and chips every week, and I'd walk to go and get them. On the way there I'd call at the shop for 4 chocolate bars. One for me for on the way to the chip shop, then 3 for me, mum and dad for "pudding" I can't believe this didn't concern me at all. But I'm not sure if I *knew* it was really bad. And if I knew, I probably didn't care. I just liked chocolate. The people behind the counters in the shops were my friends. I don't know if I even equated this to being fat. I thought other people ate chocolate too. I thought other people had sweets and cakes all the time. I know my friends had tins in their cupboards full of chocolate biscuits and we had cupboards full of crispbread and low fat snacks. I remember my mum telling me that one packet of crisps a day was enough - I wasn't allowed more than one packet. Left to my own devices I probably would've eaten the whole box of small packets!

When I actively started losing weight - for the second time (The first time I just skipped a lot of meals.) I didn't really think about how I was ever going to "manage" my weight in the future. All I was concerned about was getting it off. This was about 4 years ago now - I lost about 14lbs a year by changing my habits and going to the gym. I never gave it a thought that I might somehow have to maintain my weight, I was more interested in becoming a bit healthier and a bit lighter so that boys would like me! In the first 2 or 3 years I still ate quite a lot of fast-food so it wasn't like I was ONLY concerned with losing weight. Now it seems that the harder I try to lose, the harder it is to lose it

Oh and of course, when I first started to lose, I wanted to look like those soft and skinny models on the front of Zest magazine. I have yet to see a girl on the cover of Zest that looks like she could kick my butt in the dojo

When I was in secondary school and doing cross-country runs and coming last - even getting beaten by the fat asthmatic girl I dreamed that "One day I'll run the London Marathon and I'll SHOW THEM!" That dream was bourne out of anger and frustration that I was worth more than the girl who came last. I was worth more than being judged by my flab - or how much I sweated or what size skirt I wore.

Were they different from your goals?

As I say, when I started out I didn't have a goal - partly because it was SO far away, and partly because I don't think I ever really BELIEVED I would get anywhere near. My goal still is 140lbs, but I am beginning to think that that's increasingly stupid!

I suppose my dreams at the beginning and my dreams now are pretty different. First I wanted to be slim and soft and look like a model. Now I want to look ripped and scary. I suppose the dream of being lighter became a goal.


Which dreams became goals?

Well I have just applied for the Flora London Marathon, so I'm going to be able to tick that one off my list soon! Another "I'll show them" thing. A boy I fancied Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy. I read she kickboxed to "get her great body" HA - that and living on coffee and cigarettes eh Sarah? So I always wanted to kickbox, in some vain hope that it would turn me into SMG. - I swear hormones do funny things to teenagers brains! Anyway - I mentioned this to someone who knew my kickboxing instructor and the rest is almost history! I'm grading for my Blue belt next weekend - then brown, then black. I already TEACH kickboxing for chrissakes and I STILL don't look like SMG

Which dreams do you still have?

I still dream of doing the marathon - but that is increasingly becoming a goal. I dream of having scary intimidating abs - so that I can train for kickboxing in a crop top and scare people! (I might scare them now, but for the wrong reasons!)
A new dream I have is being ripped - sprouting muscles all over, then getting a photoshoot of me wearing tiny shorts and a black belt! I have a half-baked dream of becoming a fitness model. I doubt it will ever be a goal, or will ever happen, but it's nice to dream!

What goals do you have left to achieve?

I still have to achieve "goal weight" but the harder I grasp it, the further away it wriggles. I guess I'm comfortable where I am - if it wasn't for this tight wedding dress! I'd be happy at this *weight* with a lower body fat %.

I still have to run that marathon!

I still have to get a black belt - then the next goal is second dan black belt. I want to learn everything my instructor knows. My only regret about kickboxing is that I didn't train sooner. I've missed my peak as a pro or semi-pro, but I have the motivation to be as great as I can be. I don't ever want to be an armchair martial-artist! I want to be a practising black-belt when I'm 80!

Another goal, which is probably quite a way off - is 15-18% body fat. I should probably get it tested properly, but at the moment I think I come in at around 23%.

Oh and there's the half marathon in October, but the training's well under way for that so it feels inevitable rather than something I have to work hard to reach.

PHEW! Methinks I wrote a novel! Great questions! Very cathartic!

2F! What great thoughts! Your thought process sounds so much like mine. Good luck with your marathon. That was one of my goals as well, and I'm so glad I did it for so many reasons. Even now, I catch myself say, "I ran a marathon for goodness sake, I can do this." My DH has a second dan black belt in Tang Soo Do and that meant so much to him, that sounds wonderful as well.

I have one remaining sports-oriented life goal--to do an Ironman triathlon. I've got a few more years to go for that one though; the training just takes so much time that I need for my DD right now while she is so young. That one I'm pretty confident of but that distance demands respect, and a whole lot of work.

I have dreams, but one I keep turning over and over in my head on whether it is doable to be an actual goal. I'd like to qualify for an run the Boston marathon. I love to run, but I'm pretty slow as a runner, and to get to be moderately good, which is what I'd need to qualify, I'd have to give up tri for a year and just do a run focus (doable), get a good plan and work on my speed (doable) and lose another 20-30 lbs off my maintenance weight (??). That one scares the begeezus out of me. Can I do that? That one is pain, worse than the longest of long runs, and the hilliest of hill runs, and the fastest of speed workouts. I'm not sure yet. So I turn it over. I feel it coming, but I'm just not ready to make that final mental commitment yet.

Dreams I'm not working towards: Size 4 jeans. Not feeling compelled to eat a bucket of Reese's peanut butter cups every time I see them. Hmmm, thinking about it, there just isn't much. Maybe I'm in denial. Maybe I'm getting better at wanting what I have and not dreaming. I think that makes for a happier person.

Then there are the ever elusive goals: Flossing. Stretching. Meditating. Good for me, make me feel great, can't seem to do them. I do not understand myself.

Anne

Dreams I'm not working towards - being a size 10! It's bad enough that I spent £90 ($180) On a size 12 suit that DOESN'T FIT!

I agree about getting better at wanting what I have. I feel content where I am, and I don't feel badly enough about myself that I want to change a lot.

Flossing is elusive for me too! Unless I actually have something stuck in my teeth! I do like a good stretch though! It's good to be able to say - "look I can do the box splits!"