I have the willpower. I have the knowledge of what it takes to lose the weight. I've used a lot of excess calorie storage since I started this quest in January this year...

So why is my body trying to sabotage me?

I just had my second urinary tract infection this year, and after this one, it seems my bladder has prolapsed, also known as a fallen bladder or cystocele. I have an appointment to see a urologist, but that's 1.5 months away. (describing the ailment would be Too Much Information, so google it yourself if you want to know what it is.)

Meanwhile, my back went out on me yesterday!

So, here I two ailments going on at once, both of which are either quite painful or embarassing to explain about.

BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP.

I know this a ploy by my body, trying to make me give up on the diet thing. Actually, the doctor who saw me for the bladder infection said that the weight loss could have caused the bladder shifting.

Anyway, I'm not going to let physical damage stop me. This excess calorie storage is going to GO!

I don't know what's next, in the way of obstacles that Life is going to throw at me, but I know I can still do it. I will lose this weight. No matter what!

Maria,

I admire your attitude. Hang in there!

You really can't see the urologist any sooner than 1.5 months from now?

I know all about urology apt delays. I have kidney stones, chronically. I also know about your body sabataging you. It NEVER fails, the week i start a "Diet" i will ALWAYS get a cold or it will be TOM. You cant start a diet in those condidtions but this time, i fought through it, and here i am 8 weeks or something later, 15 pounds thinner. Show that body whose boss, ha ha.

You're a strong person Maria,
And here I whine about how 2 hours of Cardio makes my legs ache. @_@ I feel like a crybaby next to you. You make me want to work twice as hard.

It's great that you are staying positive. I know sometimes life seems the throw us one thing after another.

Thanks, people! I just felt like yelling it today, "Nothing can make me stop this!!!!!" Whatever happens next, whatever outrageous problem physical/mental/financial- none of it is reason to overeat. I can get to my goal. I can maintain when I get there. No matter how many plateaus I have to wait through- I can beat this.

Just venting.

Hey Maria, Did they say what degree your cystocele is? Most women (especially women who have ever given birth) have at least a first degree cystocele.

Hang in there. Kegel away. There are good treatment options out there.

I definitely know how you feel. I felt the same way a few times. When I was about to turn 16, I was finally losing some weight. I was so excited! But for some reason, my waist was not getting any thinner. ome the week of my 16th birthday, I ended up in the hospital having emergency surgery to remove a 10-inch ovarian cyst (and the ovary since it cut off the circulation). It was too big to remove laproscopically, so they sliced me from belly button down...26 staples on the incision. Not allowed to so much as walk around too much or participate in gym class at school for over 3 months. So yeah, I gained back all the weight I had lost.

So then I moved on to college, and what better time to lose some weight that a summer break so you can go back and impress your friends in the fall, right? So I started losing some weight, started using my mother's recumbent bike (I have bad knees) for at least an hour a day (2 30-minute sessions) and everything's going well...and then I develop pityriasis rosea. It's a rash, but it didn't itch at all. It just left large reddish blister-looking patches all over my back, thighs, upper arms, chest, and stomach. Oh, and did I mention that the doctor told me to STOP exercising because exercise would only make the rash worse Yet again, I gained it all back...

I don't care anymore. I'm doing this to improve my health, right? So if I hit a few bumps along the way, all I can think is that it would have been worse if it happened while I was heavier. I once read a story about a woman who ate well and exercised and lost over 100 pounds. THEN she had a heart attack. My first reaction was, "Wow, how frustrating! She did all that to get healthier, and look what happened anyway! What's the point?" But then someone pointed out to me that if she had had the heart attack before she'd lost any weight, she probably wouldn't even have survived. So sure, bad things can happen, but having exercised and eaten well, our bodies are better prepared to handle the bad things--they could actually be worse

I apologize in advance for the icky details, but there's really no other way to talk about this. *sigh*

Midwife,
I haven't actually been diagnosed with the cystocele by a doctor, but with the wall of the vagina hanging out from the bladder side, I don't see what else it could be! I'm not going to even see the family doc about this, she's kind of an idiot. I've made an appointment with a urologist to get some informed advice and until then I'm doing everything I can to fix the situation without surgery. I'm working hard on kegels, and am trying to figure out how to control muscles in the vaginal wall in order to strengthen that.

I figure that if I can get them under conscious control, then I can work on strengthening the walls so that the bladder can't push through.

That's my theory, anyway, and I've seen a bit of improvement over the past few days- so I'm going to keep it up. Perhaps by the time I see the urologist, I won't even need surgery anymore!

And losing the rest of my excess weight can only improve the situation. The less pressure there is from my abdomen, the better off I'll be, I think!

Maria - hang in there, you're doing great.

Jilly - it's so odd that you mention that rash.. I've been googling what I thought was sweat rash, but it doesn't look anything like the pictures... I googled your rosea thing and it looks pretty similar to what I have... However I've only got about 5 or 6 blotchy things it goes away in time for the wedding!

Yeah I have a large-ish one on my back. Unfortunately the wedding dress is backless Hoping 10 weeks is long enough for it to b&^^£% off!