Since so many people liked my "what skinny girls say when they accidentally walk into Lane Bryant" post, I decided to compile a list of things said to me in restaurants by the hostesses/waitstaff. Thankfully I have a good sense of humor about this, but it always amazes me how stupid some people can be:

1. "Would you like to sit closer to the buffet?" -- I was literally the only big girl in the room. She asked no one else this question. Of course, when she said it, the entire room turned around and stared at me like I had a bib tied around myself waiting to stick my face in all the metal trays.

2. "Don't worry, you'll have enough." -- I asked what came with a tuna plate. Not, "How many pounds of tuna will you serve?" Or, "Can you just put the tuna carcass on the table so I can chow?"

3. "Here's your serving for four." -- I ordered a single serving of pasta, and it appeared that the chef had given me some extra. He didn't know it was for me. I didn't go back there with a gun to his head and demand for him to load on the extra noodles. She even kinda slammed the plate down and walked away looking tired. Perhaps the plate weighed more than she did.

4. "Got enough room there?" -- Yeah, 'cause my pocketbook got all tangled up in my coat when I was trying to sit down, so that automatically means I can't fit in the booth and I need to sit on a sectional.

5. "Is there anything else?" -- We had a pizza and fries. We then asked for more Cokes. Apparently everyone else that goes in there only gets two fries and a glass of water. That waitress was worn out going back and forth ... once.

6. "Wow, you really cleaned your plate." -- No, I ordered it because I hate this dish and want to waste your time and my money. HELLO??? I was starving! I love stuffed shells so YES, I ate it all. I didn't lick the plate when I was done, but I'm sure she thought I wanted to.

7. "You're still eating?" -- Yes. It's called finishing my fries. That's why you put them next to the hamburger I ordered. They aren't decoration. We aren't supposed to light them up like Yankee Candles. You eat them ... dummy. I guess she figured I couldn't possibly fit anymore food inside me.

8. "You don't want dessert, do you?" -- I love it!!! She was all, "Is there any room left?" No, please give me a piece of cake so I can stuff it in my pocketbook like Sophia from The Golden Girls and take it home.

9. "I've never seen anyone finish that." -- Well then call the Guiness Book, baby, because I'm DONE. Who holds the Guiness World Record for eating a whole burger and fries? Oh, I guess it's me.

10. "Do you want to split that (with your party)?" -- No, it's a salad. Thank you. They have their own dish. Is mine so huge compared to theirs that you automatically assume that I need to split mine? You made the salad.

I'm sure they didn't mean a thing by saying these bizarre phrases, but it was the way they said it ... to me ... a big girl. It's not like I'm the pink elephant in the middle of the room, but I kinda felt like it once they announced some of these things. I thought they were going to bring my meals out in a wheelbarrow!

I love stupid people. <3 It's good to laugh out your frustrations.

I haven't posted in a while, but u r HILARIOUS!! You're right, I have to have a sense of humor. You may have helped me get over my cravings for the night! YAY! Thanks. I read your Lane Bryant post too.

This had me laughing so much I had to go into your profile to find your Lane Bryant post. Thank you! I needed cheering up.

Thanks , I needed a laugh. Good job.

Yeah, don't think that only "big girls" get these stupid waiters and waitresses. Some people honestly just don't think before words come out of their mouths.

I was at a restaurant with my godparents one evening, and my godmother is a slim-to-regular sized woman, and a bit on the quiet shy side. We were all eating our dinners, drinking beer, and having a good time. I think mostly because the rest of us were talking so much, we hadn't finished our dinners yet but she had. The waiter (a young one, maybe 19 or 20) came by and gasped audibly and said "My gosh, you ate that FAST!" to my godmother, looking at her plate. She turned bright red and stammered a few words in her defense as people at other tables turned to look at the Amazing Fast-Eating woman. He didn't even seem to notice the awkward situation he'd created as he picked up her empty plate and walked away.

Great post, funny!

I've been there, sadly. Don't know whether to laugh or roll my eyes at that sort of thing, y'know? Of course, I am the person who came close to tackling a waitress when she pulled my plate away from me literally while I was still eating...I was pregnant at the time...What sort of insane person takes food away from a pregnant woman?

You are toooo funny! I can relate!

And is there a reason that waitresses have to be either clueless or indiscreet. If there is absolutely no way I am going to fit into a booth (I mean it doesn't take a degree in physics just a set of eyeballs to see I'm not going to fit in a booth in which the bench is less than six inches away from the table).

What's so difficult about asking "would you like a booth or a table," instead leading us to a booth I obviously can't fit in, or saying something stupid and/or offensive.

I remember a waiter acting shocked when I asked for a diet coke, and he said "are you sure?" And I thought what the ****? Maybe HE just hated diet coke, but what's so weird about anyone, let alone a fat lady asking for a diet coke in a restaurant? Well, it was a restaurant/bar, maybe he was surprised I wasn't getting alcohol now that I think on it, but still is that so terribly freakish?

My pet peeve isn't necessarily directed at overweight people, but people in general. It's when wait staff ask, "Are you still working on that?" Working? Umm ... it's not a chore, believe me. ha ha

Haha, you're so right, but it has to be better than when they take it away without asking while you're mid-bite. We were in a Red Lobster when the waitress, in such a hurry to get us out of there I guess, took my dad's plate of french fries out from under him while he had one to his mouth. She whisked them away so fast, he didn't even have a chance to complain until she came back several minutes later (he's of average weight by the way).

oh my thanks for the laugh and yes all the memories. You put this in a light that allof us here can appreciate.
Anna

laughs- when i get a waiter that apparantly has forgotten to register his/her mouth with their brain .. and say something ignorant i usually find a way to turn it on them and make them feel like an idiot .. all it really takes usually is just to look at em and go i'm sorry .. what did you just say? than they get all flustered and scurry away .. i must say they usually are very attentive from that point on and service is excellent lol

YOU ARE TOOO FUNNY!!!

This reminded me of this past year when I was shopping for a formal dress to wear to a broadway show and I went into Dillards because they were selling prom dresses and I figured that there was sure to be SOMETHING in my size that was formal (since we all know that not every girl who goes to prom is a size 0) but the sales woman passed me 3 times before I finally hunted her down and asked where the plus sizes were and she looked at me like I was crazy and said "We don't carry anything in your size". I was PISSED!!!

So I went to Lane Bryant and asked them if they carried anything formal and they said no, and to check Dillards. LOL So I told them the little story about what the sales clerk there said, and she told me that the clerk was lying!! They have a whole selection of plus size clothing up stairs in Dillards!!! So I proceeded to walk back to the skinny little clerk that was so rude to me and told her off!! Once apon a time I was that skinny and I was never rude to people no matter what. I hope that clerk has four kids and blows up like a balloon and has to feel the embarasment that I felt that day.

Staff can be so damn clueless!!! Good god... I'm glad to say that even at my size, I haven't really had problems like that...
However once, my husband and I were at Applebee's.... I don't really remember why (this has been like 2 years ago, it might have been just a special date). At the time, I weighed probably about 280 and my husband is normal size. We had a really great waiter, and were able to overlook his comment. We had both ordered drinks, we ordered an appetizer, each had steaks, and each had dessert. This was quite an expensive meal, and I know that I was even dressed up for the occassion, so it wasn't something that we did often and it would have been planned for. But I cannot forget, after ordering desserts, the waiter commenting that he'd never had anyone order everything on the menu and eat it all!
LOL... we didn't order EVERYTHING on the menu, and so what, like it matters if we had all that.

As the comedian Ron White would say.....

"You can't fix stupid!! Stupid is forever!!"