My love is leaving to go half way around the world for a year to do his job. Such is the life of a military wife. This time though, after moving so far, few good new friends, I am feeling so alone. I am fat. fat. fat. fat. My habits are horrible. I am no longer sure if I can keep up with the house work, kids, pets, uu community, faith group, NVC circle.... I could go on and on. I am not enough! I do not have the energy.

I need to live some for me. I need to diet for me, change my habits for me, and work out for me. But how? Where to start? So many failed attepts.

I am 26, and 202 lbs right now. My food addictions are mainly breads and snack foods. I eat twice a day and never drink enough water. My first goal is to get to 64oz of water and then 100oz a day. I cut out milk about a year ago after trying to blood type diet and looking at a notmilk web site. It helped me lose some for sure (I was up to 240) but as I was pregnant I really could not lose much. I am also cutting out Soda. Coffee is not an issue for me thankfully. Sadly smoking is, I picked it up again a month ago. Stress is high with my love going away and financial problems.

Please excuse me if I sound like my issues are worse then any others. They are not, but they are mine and I am trying to be open about them. It is not easy expressing all the things in my head, all the dirty truth. No one seems to see how miserable I am, or how alone, or how scared. All my friends and family see what they want to see, just an over worked mommy who smiles all the time and seems to handle everything. If I could handle everything would I be this fat? You know I do not need one more child to watch, one more committee to sit, one more potluck? I am sick of helping. I need help!

I am sorry for such a long vent. I want to be the bright person everyone seems to need me to be but here; I need to be the me no one else seems to see.

So you think you have some advice for me, please share. If you think we might be able to get down and dirty and honest together so we can work through issues, please let me know.

Blessings,
Kontessa

Hi Kontessa! You're not alone! You have us!

There are some other military wives here, and I hope some will pop up here and welcome you.

For me, my big issues were not eating enough, skipping breakfast, then munching on some pretty bad foods during the day, and relying on take out, because I get so busy.

For a new eating plan to work you do have to be pretty organised and committed, but you'll do it!

Perspective is a funny thing. I'm at your weightbut I started at 262, so your weight seems skinny to me

Kontessa~ I'm also a military wife (Army) and I know exactly what you are going through. It was 2 years ago when it was my hubbs turn to head overseas for a year. This is the time when you need to stay strong. Not just for you but also for your kids. When my hubbs left for Iraq, I challenged myself to loose the weight. I was working FT, taking care of the kids, house, etc.. It was so hard and stressful at times. It sounds like you do alot to help others but something you need to always remember is... You need to take care of yourself too. Stay strong!!! If you ever need someone to talk to, just PM me...

Bless your heart. You're not alone, and we're all here to be by your side. This is tough with or without anybody. But you can turn this in to your chance to get healthy, develop good habits, and squash the bad ones. You can do this. Good luck!!

I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling - please just know that you aren't alone, and that we understand.

I'm a people pleaser, too - it's one of the things I'm working on changing about myself. I have a tendency to always place myself at the bottom of the list, and take care of everyone else first. I've always known that's not a good thing, but never really "got it", until my mom became very ill and I almost killed myself trying to be there for my dad, brother, grandmother, etc. and did nothing to be there for myself. I burnt out big time, and the subsequent depression, anger, and fatigue took an enormous toll.

It's so important that you take steps to take care of yourself. If you have to say no to people, then do that. I KNOW it isn't easy, but it's necessary. Right now you need time to focus on you and what you need.

I don't know if you're like me, but I love a challenge and surprising people. Is there any chance that you can try to take some of the sadness you feel over your DH being away and use it to fuel your desire to work hard and lose weight to surprise him when he returns? I'm not meaning to trivialize his time away AT ALL - far from it, I can't imagine how difficult that must be! - rather, just thinking that it might help to look at the time ahead as something motivating, an opportunity to focus on yourself a bit more and really make some changes. The surprise factor would be a big motivator for me

As to making changes, just remember baby steps. Don't overwhelm yourself trying to change everything at once....build on small changes as you're able, and pretty soon you'll find that you're making great progress. The support on this board is outstanding, so remember too that someone is always here for you.

I'm a Navy wife...I know how ya feel! Thankfully we've gone through our last deployment (well..fingers crossed we have! there's been rumblings).

Have you been through a deployment? There should be a wives club to help you out if you need it. Usually you can find sitters through them if you need time to yourself. Do you HAVE to serve on your commitees?? Maybe if you stepped down from one or two your load will lessen. Then again, they may be your saving grace and keep you sane!

You can't take care of everyone else if you're not taking care of yourself!

How old are the kiddos? Can they handle chores and such? Even very young ones can help out around the house. Simple things like loading the dishwasher and picking up the living room can be a huge help!

Military wives are made of different material You can do it! This place will be here for ya! There are plenty of us around at different times that you can talk to.

Hope you get yourself calmed down, I know how you're feeling and it's not fun.

Kim

Wow, I really feel for you hon! I am new here, but I am going to go ahead and try helping out.

One of the things I will tell you, is that I did some research on the 8-10 glasses a day thing. I just simply cannot drink that much water. So, I thought I was doomed because I couldn't do it. I found out that some experts think that not everyone needs to drink that much water every day. If you have time (ha ha) try Googling it and reading up, I think you will find a little less pressure to drink so much. Find your necessary amount and don't worry if its not a ton.

The big problem with milk is that it has a lot of sugar in it. I am a low carb person, so I have figured out which foods to use in moderation, and which to avoid (not that I actually DO that...lol...that is why I am here)

Oh, and if you want some good motivation, I suggest Dr. Phil's book. "The Ulitmate Weight Solution." I am reading it right now, and it is putting a lot of my feelings about myself and my weight as well as my approach to weight loss in perspective. Its more of a behavioral book than a "diet" book.
If anything else, we are all here if you just need to vent....take care!

I am feeling some better today thankfully.

The surprise factor is something I hope I can lean on. Hubby is in great shape and such a hotty. We used to match, but now I can not keep up with him even on a walk. I would love for him to come home and know I can match him in work outs. He would be so thrilled and I would as well.

I have been a surrogate mother twice now. My daughter is 7 and my son is 8 month. My surro babies are 4 and 3. I had 4 babies in 6 years and loved it. I would do it again too if my love would let me but he wants me to heal, get my strength back. I can not blame him.

He has been away before. The longest was 8 months about 7 years ago and I stayed with family. Not doing that this time though. I am on my own 2,000 miles from home. The last time he was away was for the start of the war in Iraq. I was pregnant with my second surro baby then and it was a wonderful distraction.

Now I need to find other distractions. Ones focused on me.

I alway giggle when I see Dr. Phils book as I just can not get over taking weight lose advice from a chubby guy. I could be wrong though!

How is Push.tv? It sounds interesting and something I could do with the kids around.

As for the military wives groups, I have local support online thankfully but few friends as most are interested in going to clubs and drinking and the bling life style that is not something I am interested in. I am a green friendly mama. LOL

So I got up today, dressed to the shoes and restarted my flylady house as I agree, being organized is going to key to keeping up. Hubby leaves this Friday. Only a month away, then home, then to Iraq some time soon after. I need to do well this month so I will have confidence about the coming year alone.

Thank you all for the support. It does mean a lot. Where to start now? Baby steps..... Need to find a diet and work out!

Military wives unite I am an Army wife, and I motivated myself when my husband was gone to lose 30 lbs!! I was in the best shape of my life, and I LOVED it, now that he is back, I've regained it all plus some, so we are both dieting now and losing weight together. I am definately here for you - and as everyone always needs all the support they can get, I'll expect some from you too ok?? Let's find time to talk soon.