Hello everyone,
I'm Scorcher, I am 34 years old. Back in Feb (06) I started a new life, trying to exercise everyday and eat smaller portions. I eat the same foods but am careful not to eat too much fat and have take aways less often. Anyway I have lost a fair bit of weight but still have a long way to go. I am happy as I am not worried or in a rush to lose the rest so it isn't an issue.

I have a problem though! I have been suffering depression quite badly and have found the more comments I get on how I look like I have lost loads of weight the more I wear my old bigger clothes that are baggy nowto cover myself up. I was really confident after losing 40lb but I have suddenly lost that. I dressed up for the local carnival in an outfit that I had made and was going to stand out but when I got attention from the men I didn't like it. I feel so confused and don't understand my own feelings! I was putting off buying smaller jeans even though I was running the risk of mine falling down yet anyone else would have been excited at having to buy a smaller size so what is wrong with me? I almost feel fearful of losing more weight quickly and want to stay this size for a while and yet another side to me wants to lose the weight the way I have been, I am really confused.

The other problem I have is that my skin is starting to pucker where I have lost weight and looks a little wrinkly on my boobs and legs so I am starting to panic, I don't want redundant skin hanging from me. I went to my Doctor who said she will look into whether there is an option of surgery to remove it for me but even that sounds scary and will leave scars. I am worried my hubby won't find me attractive anymore and will not love me as much even though he is trying to reassure me. We have been happily married for almost 11 years and have 3 lovely young boys.

I feel so depressed my Doctor has put me on a higher dose of antidepressants again, yet I should be happy as the weight is coming off. I am struggling to stop myself comfort eating but at the same time am having to force myself to eat at times as I don't want to. (I do have other worries and problems not connected to my weight that will be adding to the depression.)

Has anyone else felt the same way fearful of being slim? What about redundant skin, does anyone else worry about that or has anyone else had the problem? I just need someone who understands what I am saying to tell me it's Ok to feel this way as at the moment I feel like I am going mad!

Best Wishes,
Scorch

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First, welcome in!

I guess the obvious suggestion is to get counseling for your issue with getting attention for looking thinner. Not wanting people to focus on it and harp on it is one thing, but actually trying to hide it behind the old, big clothes is another. This should be something for you to enjoy, not to be anxious about. Counseling could help you sort that out.

About redundant skin, you don't say how much you're planning to lose altogether. You're rather young to worry about excess skin, but if you're seeing it, you're seeing it. It sounds like you're taking the weight off at a reasonable weight. (I've heard that taking weight off too fast can cause the hangy skin, but that doesn't seem to be your problem.) Don't even worry about surgery until you've lost all the weight and see the result. You may not need it. Your best bet at this stage is to exercise to firm yourself up as much as possible. The "redundant skin" may just be flab that will tone with some exercise.

I'm older than you, 46. I've lost a lot less and can already see it's going to be a problem for me. Well, the weight is also a problem, so I'm not going to stop losing weight for that reason. I'll just have to deal with it. I have so many stretchmarks that scars are just not going to be any worse.

Re your husband, if he stuck with you while you were fat, he's not likely to stop loving you because your skin is looser. He'll probably be thrilled with the smaller you!

Yup, been there done that, got the t-shirt! I don't know if this will come out coherently or not, but i'll give it a try. This is probably a long one.

I have tried SOOOOO many times in my life to lose weight and have been very successful a few times, always to have it come back. It gets very embarassing to have friends and aquaintences get so excited for me and tell me how much better I look a)because it just reminds me how bad off I really was and b) because when the weight comes right back, it shows what a failure I am.

I have been at the same work place now for about 5 years and have a friend/co-worker that has seen this struggle once before. I try as hard as I can to be inconspicuous but my food choices and habits obviously change and everyone makes comment about it. I actually made the excuse (while this is also the truth, not the whole truth) that I am now unable to eat salt and everthing around me is either filled with salt or sugar, so I have to bring my own stuff from home. Do I think i'm fooling anyone? probably not, but it's a mind thing. While confiding to her this time that I had lost 25 pounds, she said, "why don't you want anyone to hear?" I was obviously being very quiet and watching for others while I was talking to her. I wasn't aware that I was that obvious, but it goes right to the heart of what I'm talking about. I don't want anyone to know and will do anything to down play it.

I have at times considered being evaluated for depression as I haven't had any interest in "life" for a long time, but I am aware that shutting myself off could be part of the weight issue as well. I want to give this another go before I consider medication.

I must say that other than at work I feel more confident about my outcome this time. One of the things that I realized about my past "performances" is that I was usually going about it for the wrong reasons, or quite frankly hadn't made the changes enough of a priority. The last time I started, I gave up when things got a bit hectic starting school again. I put my eating/exercise habits on the back burner as it were. I've taken this summer with its extra time to try and instill habits that will last me through the school/work year.

I also had issues as many have of the lonely, disjointed childhood to overcome. Food was a friend, no one else could be trusted, they would always hurt you. Trouble was, it was slowly, or maybe not so slowly, killing me. I've also absorbed the idea that i'm not a failure until I give up. That was a biggie.

As to the surgery, yes, I believe that will be necessary for me. It's been far to long for this skin in to large a body for it to bounce back. I was quite shocked the last time I lost over 100 pounds. After all the work I did, to have that body. It was depressing. I had visions of the lean body that I had always dreamed of and came up REAL short. It was one of the reasons that I started eating again. I didn't realize the problem with skin was so prevalent before I came to this site, but i'm trying to keep my eyes wide open now and save my pennies.

I know you had other questions, but this is getting to long, so i'll have to quit here. Just take it one day at a time and avail yourself of the great resources and inspirational stories here. All the best!

I would say that feelings like this are pretty typical, especially when one has been obese for a long time. I have been getting over an intense need to self-sabbotage and having general feelings of worthlessness.
First off, if you don't have one, GET A GOOD COUNSELOR. I'm not talking about a high priced psychologist, you can find reasonable rates for counselors who have worked with these issues (and many others before).

Have you been obese your whole life? I believe that one of the previous posters was wrong to say that you are too young to worry about excess skin. You are looking at losing over 200lbs!!! YES, there is going to be excess skin. However, at this point there is no way of knowing how much or how it will look until you reach your goal. If the skin is a problem (and considering the tremendous loss you are looking at, it *MIGHT* be considered a medical problem - and therefore covered under insurance) and is not something you can live with, only you can make the decision to trade skin for scars. It is a trade-off. I have lost just over 30lbs and have loose skin, I worry about it (especially my arms), but I cannot obsess over it because I have no clue what will happen once I reach goal and adjust to being that size.

As far as your husband, I can only say that if he loves you at this size, he'll love you at any size. If he doesn't, then it is his problem to deal with - not yours. It has nothing to do with your self-worth. I really think you need to see a counselor to help deal with these emotionals issues, to help create a new identity that does not include your obese body, and to work through why (or what happened in your past) to make you fearful of being attractive.
There are many things that pills won't fix. Taking more antidepressants are not going to solve these emotional issues, they will just cover up the problem - just like a binge does nothing more than stuff the emotions down. You will have to deal with these one way or another, and a counselor can provide a healthy outlet and guidance for a resolution.

I just stumbled up on this site, it looks so interesting and sounds like just what I need, however I am not computer swaavy and understand little or none of the terminology, or what to do or where to go or how to post or how to get to a support group. who knows this may not make it anywhere.

I'd send you a private message with offerings of any type of assistance.. but you don't have pm access yet. Welcome to 3FC!

Now I'm off to read the original thread.

Jayde

Hi Scorcher! Congratulations on your new journey!

Here is a great thread from our Maintainers section about loose skin. http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36040

scorcher - I worry about the skin thing too. Mine is more a worry of my stretch marks not going away and just staring at the world. I also am afraid of getting to my goal. I am so into workout toward something I won't know what to do when I get there. I know your hubby will love you and be attracted to you no matter what. When you have that kind of love the body is not the only thing that is attractive to your mate, and besides losing weight is a good thing right? Right. You will get through this