Hi, I'm Jennie... a little about me.... I turned 30 in May and can't believe that I have let myself go like this! I have been being treated for high-blood pressure since I was 27. At first... I cared, I immediately started the low-carb thing and in six months lost almost 30 pounds. Well, I began having marital problems and ate for comfort. Now, I'm divorced and fat... my clock is ticking, so I've gotta find a husband! Who's gonna want me in this shape (no pun intended)?!

Well, I finally decided that I would begin looking for a hubby so I joined eharmony. I've been talking to a wonderful man... I can actually imagine a future with him! Anyway, one night we were emailing pics back and forth and I sent him the most recent pic of myself (see my avatar). He didn't respond when I ask him if he had received it yet, so I knew what that meant...... HE HATED IT! When I asked him what he thought of the pic, he said, "Well, you're bigger than I expected"... talk about a broken heart!

I already had a membership at Curves... that I wasn't using... so I decided that I would start back up. I went on last Thursday night and the girl weighed me at 212 pounds. I went back then on Monday and she weighed me again... I now weigh 208! Talk about being excited! Then the whole bigger than expected thing happened and I started eating again!

I'm really here for encouragment and support. What I need most is prayer! I know that the low-carb thing works. I know Curves works. I also know that right now I don't feel like doing anything about my weight but the time is now and I can't keep putting it off! I look forward to getting to know some new friends and support system.

PS... the next day he called and apologized and said that he was a complete idiot. He said that he wants to meet me.... I'm not sure what to do.

what a jerk! I think you look GORGEOUS in that picture. At least you know now that he's not worth wasting your time on.

Don't let something like that ruin your motivation. Working out and eating right will make YOU feel better and give you the confidence to go out and start meeting guys.

I'm sure there's a ton of men who would find you beautiful...don't let one inconsiderate comment get you down.

Hi Jennie,

First off... It sounds like your plan of eating healthier and working out looks great. Come and post often and that will help you keep accountable and stay on track.

I just wanted to let you know that you look so beautiful in your avatar picture. I know that you are trying to find a sould mate, but that guys comment seemed really shallow. You don't even look heavy to me at all (maybe it is my warped sense of body image). I dunno if I would meet him, but that is only my opinion. I think you look fantastic, and you seem to have a great plan to stick to. I wish you luck in all areas!

When you were emailing, he probably had this picture in his mind of a very tiny girl... let's face it, they all have that image. In his defense, (not that I should defend him) but perhaps he was just commenting on the fact that you didn't look like he imagined you would. As for meeting him, only you can make that choice. I'm not sure what I would do, as I've never had conversations w/him. Now, on to you... you seriously are gorgeous! I think the pic is of a very pretty girl.

As for losing weight, where do I begin? I always say, "I have to lose weight, but I'm just not mentally there yet". Then I continue to happily eat, and when it comes time to get dressed up, I get unhappily upset w/myself for allowing me to get so big!

Just last week, I have read yet another advertisement for the Sonoma Diet. So I decided to buy the book. (In all honesty, I think the name and cover of the book visually hooked me) It's in soothing colors that I love! I began reading it that night, and two days later, I decided to give it a try. I'm on day 4 now. I went off the plan for one meal (had processed wheat instead of whole wheat) and thought, "Great, what an idiot I am, now I have to start over. Of forget this dieting thing, I'm just going to eat some icecream". HOWEVER, I decided to forgive myself for my eating mistake, and instead, rode my bike 7 miles. (First time out this year)

It's hard. Battling weight is NO fun. I really wonder how I'm going to lose weight. I've been on so many diets over the years, and I look back wondering if I ever really lost any weight. I do recall twice losing it. Once on a strict Slim-fast and exercise routine... and another time on Jenny Craig. Now, after two kids, I need to get rid of this extra weight I never took off.

You CAN take off the weight, and no, it's not going to be easy... but it can be fun. I actually look forward to coming here and reading about others accomplishments, it gives me hope. Just jump on the bandwagon, and you will be losing weight in no time. You'll lose it for yourself, and somewhere along the way, you just might find that Mr. Right.

Hi Jennie, congrats on the weight loss and don't let this get you down. 4lbs is a fantastic start and you look beautiful in that pic.

Honestly, I wouldn't waste time meeting with this guy. Yes he apologized but I think he showed you his true colours with his initial comment. You're undertaking a huge life change and you don't need his shallowness and insensitivty weighing you down (pardon the pun).

I had a similar experience. I had been talking to a guy on line for a few weeks, I sent him my picture, and he said pretty much the same thing, although we did keep talking. Guys are sometimes too honest for their own good.

Well we kept talking, and we have now been together 5 years! He wasn't a jerk after all Well, most of the time he isn't a jerk

I had a long talk with a Christian friend yesterday who has a weight problem, and I'll say to you what I said to her. Do this for you, because God wants you to be the best you that you can be, not because you hate yourself the way you are, but you love yourself enough to want to change.

Sometimes men say stupid things.Heck sometimes we say stupid things.The fact that he called to say he was sorry makes me think you should give him a second chance.I mean before that you were thinking he could be the one.You have nothing to lose by trying again,if when you do and he is a jerk kick him to the curb.He might surprise you though and be great.Either way you won't always be wondering what if.I think you look great in that pic as well.Good luck.

Yah... but we women all say we just want men to be honest with us... then when they ARE we get upset.

Here online we never really know who we are talking to.I have had a million pics in my mind of how people look and i am never right.I met my husband online,we chatted for a long time before we sent pics,i really liked him but he wasn't what i expected at all.It didn't matter by then i was hooked.

Hi Jennie,
I know how hurtful it is to hear that phrase--I've heard it along with the others..."such a pretty face", etc....
BUT...I met my fiance online...when we started talking, it wasn't with the intention of becoming romantically involved. We were just chatting and felt very comfortable with one another--our true selves were speaking instead of the people you become when you're at a bar (does that make sense?). Anyway--we finally met and I was bigger than he expected. At the time, probably close to if not more than 200lbs...He didn't tell me this until later--but I knew that's how he felt when we met.

All guys have this image of who they will date and end up with--and its really not realistic. Your guy obviously likes YOU...and he just has to get his head straight. I agree that by calling and apologizing, that is a good thing. He obviously doesn't want to stop talking to you and he obviously realized what he said was stupid.

I think your picture is gorgeous. If you feel that you're too good for this guy, then you find someone who is worthy of you. If you feel he deserves a chance, then go for it.

We're here for you!

You've come to a great place for advice, support & encouragement!

I am currently involved with a wonderful man I met online, in yahoo chat. We chatted for a little over a year before we actually met however, I had my photo on my profile in yahoo. The photo was of me at 210 lbs (not my highest, I got up to 245 ) He looked at the photo and said "he just had to get to know me". I had no idea what he looked like. I know this sounds very cliche' but, I was completely attracted to his personality. Eventually, I saw him on cam...and honestly, it wouldn't have mattered to me if he had ended up being purple...I was hooked. In fact, "our song" is Kenny Chesney "You Had Me From Hello"...because when each of us heard the other on mic in the chat room...we were hooked!! Last December, I went to meet him. I can't tell you the immediate happiness both of us felt when I got there. And there has not been a day that has gone by since that I don't feel very fortunate that we found each other.

Jennie, I can't tell you whether you should meet this guy or not but..I can give you my opinion. While he may have thought about what he said & how it sounded and he apologized...he was voicing his initial reaction. An initial reaction is much like a first impression. He expected something different. I have a friend that was engaged to a guy but..BEFORE he would give her a ring, he told her he wanted her to lose weight (personally, I'd have told him to go fly a kite!). She nearly killed herself to lose the weight..they got engaged and they eventually married. Of course, it wasn't long before she gained the weight back and he divorced her! When someone loves you...they love you for YOU!!! That means fat,thin or otherwise! IF THEY DO NOT ACCEPT YOU THE WAY YOU ARE...THEY DO NOT DESERVE YOU! I spent half of my life with someone I was unhappy with...I thank God I now have someone who thinks I'm beautiful and shows me everyday how much he loves & appreciates me.

I wish you all the best Jennie. You sound like a bright, intelligent woman. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Concentrate on yourself for now, then you will have the confidence to find someone who truly appreciates you for you.

If you'd like to chat, please feel free to PM me anytime.

All the best to you!!

Kim

Hi Jennie:

Glad to see you made to the site! I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. I looked up some info for you. There's a whole section of info on Curves here: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=187 Maybe it will have some good stuff you'll be interested in.

As far as the guy? They're all pretty clueless. I think the other gals have given you some insite into that. Sometimes they don't know what to say. At least he realized he was a butthead and apologized. Think of it this way, if he didn't care about you, he would have just stopped communicating.

Meet him if you want to and he wants to. What do you have to lose? If you've been talking for awhile, you might really hit it off. Like the line in the movie Save the Last Dance says: "We can't help who we fall in love with". Maybe he'll figure that out.

Ok, enough of my two cents worth. See you around the boards.

UPDATE!!!!

Well, are ya ready for this one?! Friday night I just jumped in my car and drove six hours to go meet him. He didn't know that I was coming until I had been on the road almost three hours. Anyway, we met yesterday just outside of Pigeon Forge. We had a really nice time... he was a real gentleman... opened the doors for me, bought lunch, etc. We spent several hours together and had a nice time. I really liked spending time with him, but just didn't pick up the same vibe from him. When he called to check on me during my drive home I told him that he wasn't putting off any vibes and he said, "Yeah, well, the attraction just wasn't there." I told him that I knew that and that I was totally fine with it. He said that he'd still like to talk to me and be friends, but I don't see the point in it... I'm looking for a husband and if the attraction isn't there, then it's not there. In the moving on process, I "closed" him as a match on eharmony and deleted all of the emails and voicemails that I had saved. I feel really good about it and can't wait to once again begin my search.

This morning at church I was talking to a friend who also struggles with her weight. We are beginning our low-carb life style (again) tomorrow... the the support of eachother! Also... we both know that Curves is calling our names and we will both be working out after work tomorrow night and be talking about our progress at Wednesday night services! Please keep us in your prayers!!!

Hi Jennie and welcome!

Reading your post hit a familiar cord with me also. I'm sorry that the connection wasn't there...but at least you know and can find that one that is just waiting to discover you! It's hurtful for someone to not see you for who you are....I've been in the same place that you were in!

Good for you for getting the support of a friend for diet and exercise. I enjoyed Curves when I went with my SIL!!

Love your signature! Keeping that in mind, will help you accomplish any goals that you have....you have the best support you could ever ask for in Him!!

Hi Jennie,

I'm new here! I came across your post and it reminded me of what I went through when I was doing the online dating thing.

I was a member of lavalife for 1 year. During that time there were about 10 I met in person, and all of them I had sent a photo to before we met. Once we met in person, most of the time I got the cold shoulder pretty fast!! I got the "ugh, you're fat" look. Funny thing was, it was in my profile and I sent my photo before we met. Anyways, most of them did not say to my face that they were not interested, they just blew me off afterward (ignored emails, etc). But if I remember there was one that was actually rude and told me I was fat and needed to lose weight (in person).

Anyway, the online dating thing is pretty hard, I imagine even for the thinner girls. In my experience with it, the guys mostly seem to have an image of a beauty in their mind and when they meet you, you can't match up to their Pam anderson or whatever type they were looking for.

I DID meet a wonderful man on lavalife, after about a year. He and I talked on the phone for about 2 or 3 days and then met for coffee. 7 months later we were engaged, and now it's been 4 years and we are married.

It CAN happen, it does work, but you need to have some strength in dealing with the rejection and rudeness. It's very tough. My husband came along when I'd pretty much tired of the whole thing and was really about to give up on it.

Best of luck to you, and always remember that no matter what your outer self looks like, you deserve to be treated well, and with respect. People forget that sometimes.