I never thought I would be so upset with a child! My son is 12 yrs old and is in ROTC at school, he has ADHD and is treated with medication. He has very low self esteem, he feels "wierd" because of his ADHD and he is also from a divorced family, so he's not feeling all that great about himself. His father thought it would be a good idea to get him into ROTC or it's also called the Leadership Development Course to build his self esteem and his respect as well as discipline. I have no prior experience with ROTC so I was ok with it as long as my son was, he didn't know anything about it but he decided to go with it. So here's the problem.....yesterday when I went to pick him up from school ( I get there early because my daughter gets out an hour ahead of him and their schools are literally next door to each other), I was sitting outside waiting on him and we're able to see him do his ROTC drills while waiting. I was watching him and thinking "oh how cute is he?" when all of a sudden this kid who was apparently put in charge of his group (there's 4 kids in each group) walked up in front of my son, put his foot in front of him and pushed my son down, I thought I was going to die but I waited to see what was going on, I didn't want to embarrass my son, my son then did about 20 pushups, he got up and the lil kid pushed on his shoulder until my son was on the ground again and doing more pushups, no other kids in the group were doing any sort of exercise, they were just watching. I was trying to keep cool and see what was going on, they then started thier marching and stopped, the lil monster kid stopped in front of my son and slapped him in the face 3 times! I don't have that great of vision from a distance and my daughter was right beside me...I asked her "did that lil sh** just hit him?" she said "I think so mom" I started walking out on the field where they were when the bell rang and everyone started inside. I decided at that moment to wait until my son got in the car and ask what was going on. He confirmed the kid knocked him down and slapped him, but had no idea why. I asked my son if he was giving the kid a hard time and my son said "well yes mom, but only after he knocked me down" I asked him why he didn't smack him back and he said "I really wanted to but I knew you were watching and I would get in trouble for fighting". I told my son even if he was giving the kid a hard time that does not justfiy the knocking him down or slapping him in the face and next time, IF you are defending youself, you are to take your glasses off and precede in beating the crap out of the kid. I know..I know...not the best response...BUT..it was really hard to retain my composure after what I just saw. I went to the principles office this morning and told what I saw and wanted something done about it. They assured me they would speak with the instructor...it turns out my son's instructor was out and they had a substitute(who had his butt parked in a chair in the shade and saw nothing). I was livid, my son has very low self esteem and to be absolutely humiliated like that in front of his fellow classmates was the worst possible situation....or so I thought....after speaking with my son I found out his regular instructor has a habit of picking on him and a couple of other kids as well....they had a Veteren's Day parade this year and the night before my son all of a sudden got ill, he was throwing up and didn't want to go to school the next day, I told him he would miss marching in the parade and he said that was ok he didn't want to go anyway. I found out his reason for not wanting to go was the instructor singled him out in the classroom as they were doing there drills and said "You're going to be the one that screws up the whole thing for the class, you're going to make us look like idiots on TV" .....I thought the whole concept was for teachers to encouage and help students???? not berate them! I know without question this is just one bad instance but it really doesn't take more than that to mess up a kids head. I told the principle that I wanted my son removed from this class, there was just too much drama going on. The principle wants me to meet with the ROTC instructor and then we will all discuss what is best. I agreed and am now waiting on the school to call me back.

I apologize for the long post, but this is my support system here and I always welcome an outside opinion.

Thanks!
Jeanette

I don't think you over reacted at all, in fact my son's father, my husband and my self just recently told my son to not take any more crap from the bullies at school. you hit him once and if that doesn't do it knock him again and knee where it counts. I am sure osme of you are going these ladies are crazy but I personally believe that after the school has been told and they refuse to watch for it the kids have to defend themselves.

And my son had a problem with low self esteem and adhd symptoms in 1st grade, it was awful, we put him on meds and it didn't seem to make a difference, it just put him in slow motion, his grades didn't improve he just seemed less active. the only only one happy with it was the teacher. once that school year was over we took him off the meds and the past two years his grades have improved and so has his self esteem. I personally believe the teacher just wanted him to be a calm kid.

I hope the school can help you, I can't say I would have waited as long as you I would have pry pummeled that kid the first time my son hit the ground. kudo's to you for waiting to see if he would do it himself.

Wow, Jeannette...there is no way I would let my son stay in that group. It sounds like it would be counter productive to his problems. Isnt' ROTC like a military group? To prime kids for the military? Or am I thinking of something else? I don't think you over reacted at all...any less reaction and I'd say you'd under reacted. I think that kid that slapped him AND the teacher AND the sub should all have some sort of action taken against them...even if it is to apologize to you and, especially, your son. Don't back down on this one, Jeannette...your son deserves to know you're there to back him up and stick up for him. Good for you for taking the first steps!!

Good luck and let us know what happens!!

Kris

I was in ROTC in highschool. I loved it. BUT, the instructors coming down hard on you was part of the whole process. I think its a way of weeding out the weak from the strong so the weaknesses can be worked on. Now, we never were hit, but the instructors did pick and single individuals out with not so nice comments and push ups if necessary. My family life was really weird then so I really think the program helped me. While the drill instructors were tough on us - emotionally and physically, I knew at any moment if I had a problem I could go to them for advice and I also knew I had to keep my nose clean because they'd be watching. I left the program with a sense of accomplishment and pride. I dont think the hitting of you son was right, and you should definately address that with the instructor and the ROTC department. Have you tried to sit down and talk to the instructor? Explain to him what your son is facing - What's happened to his family and the lack of self esteem issue? You might be surprised to hear what the instructor has to say as far as things that can be done to help his self esteem. You might also would like to hear what behavior your child is displaying causing the push ups or being singled out, which he is precieving as being picked on. I know that our instructors were available and willing to help mold us into productive and confident individuals. Good Luck.

Thank you both for your support, it really does help! I'll tell you, it was all I could do from not knocking that kid to the ground just to show him what it felt like, but I know that would have embarrassed my son. I wish I hadn't waited to say something, if I had stepped in when he knocked him down he wouldn't have had the chance to have slapped my son, but I can't let that stop me from doing what I have to do. Yes, ROTC is a military type class and I can tell you, it was the worst thing I can ever recall letting my son get into. The principle this morning told me he was going to have a "call to meet Jesus" meeting with the kid and his parents tonight, I have no idea what that means, but i'm hoping it means the parents will know what's going on and deal with this. I fully expect an apology to my son and I want it done in front of the class, just has he felt it was ok to humililate, I want him humiliated. Never thought I would feel this way in regards to a kid, but it's amazing the emotions that stir when you know your child is in harms way of any sort.

Thanks again!
Jeanette

amandalili.....Thank you! I kinda thought the strong talk was normal with ROTC which is why I didn't say anything when my son was telling me about the Veteren's Day situation. I, however, can not accept that some kid in that class is slapping my child and knocking him to the ground. If the instructor feels this kid is a good candidate for being a leader, then that's something I want my child to have no part in. I don't think you have to be a bully to be effective. I'm hoping we can get to the bottom of this, I am waiting to hear from the school regarding a face to face meeting with his instructor. I hope that will get everything settled, but i'm having a really hard time letting my son continue in that class.

No problem! I agree the hitting situation is absolutly out of the question. I hope you get it all worked out!! GOod Luck

Well, I haven't heard from the school today, the principle said they would call me in for a meeting today. I had my ex-husband go pick my son up from school before ROTC was to start, that's his last class of the day. I told them this morning that I wouldn't let my son take this class until all of this was settled. I spoke with my son a little bit ago and he said they called him into the office to take a report of what happened and told him they would make sure it was taken care of. So I feel a little better that it wasn't a forgotten situation with them but i'm going to call tomorrow and see what was done and what will be done in the future. I'm not sure if i'm going to let him continue with this class, there's only about 3 1/2 weeks left in school but this whole thing has been really stressful for my son as well as myself and his dad.

I will just continue to hope the school feels this is a situation that needs taken care of.

Jeanette

I went through real ROTC and eventually became an officer in the Army. Unless they've really changed the rules a LOT in the last 20 years, it is completely wrong for any hitting to occur.

Physical punishment can be done through excessive exercising, and verbal humiliation is the norm, but hitting trainees is completely out of line, in my experience. The student leader should be demoted, if they hold any sort of ranks at that school.

edit: Oh, and your son's self esteem, or lack there of is complete irrelevant and will carry no weight with the ROTC folks. Personal problems are not to be considered in training soldiers... and most people gain self esteem by getting through tough training.

JCOGS ~ you didn't over react ~ be careful about your boy smacking the other one though with todays lawsuits and harrasements ~ if the school doesn't take action I would threaten a lawsuit TO SCARE them ~ my wife is a middle school teacher ~ was assaulted last year by a very large student ~ a lot of problems with the kid ~ breifly, the school did not do anything because it was so close to the school year ~ thankfully my wife had filed charges with the police ~ as far as having the other boy apologize in front of the class, not so sure that is a great idea either ~ he must have ISSUES also to do that to your boy ~ it could be harmful to him and maybe your boy later ~ I am guardian of my 15 yr old nephew, he is ADHD and has issues similar, we just keep working at it ~ I have him in tennis now and he seems to be doing well, on the high school team ~ Prayers for safety and success for your boy!

I don't think you over-reacted at all. I don't think I'd have the boy apologize in front of the whole class. This will only further embarass your child. I would let him drop ROTC if this is an option. I have heard that Karate is excellent for young children to help boost their self-esteem. Let your son help in deciding which activity would be best for him.

Did you over-react??? I don't think you reacted strongly enough!! I'd have had the the principal on the field that afternoon. By morning the superintendent and every school board member would have had a letter regarding the incident. Let the school call you and then decide what is best? No f'ing way. I understand the ROTC is army-like in that they are supposed to teach discipline - and part of that is a breaking down to build back up process. But it also isn't the right program for everyone. It doesn't sound like your son likes it - get him out.

My husband and I were both in JROTC in high school, and my husband is in the Navy. I can tell you right now that if the incident you describe had happened between two active duty sailors, there would be consequences for the instigator. What was done to your son borders on hazing, and should not be tolerated within the corps of cadets. MariaofColumbia is absolutely right to say that whoever did that to your son should be punished and demoted.

Rhonda....trust me, it was very difficult not to snatch that kid up by the hair and smack the living crap out of him, but, I had to check myself and realize that would only make the situation worse, unfortunately this is the last class of the day and by the time I could have gotten inside to the principle everyone would have been gone.

I'm really frustrated by this whole thing. The school has not called still, it's been 2 days. I sent the principle an email yesterday stating that my son would not be allowed to be in this class until this is resolved, therefore my ex-husband and myself are checking him out everyday, fortunately this is the last class of the day so he's only missing that class. I just don't see how it can be so hard for someone to accept responsibility for this and take care of. The boy who did this spoke to my son yesterday at school and told him he was sorry then said he was upset because he got in school suspension. If this is all that was done i'm not satisfied at all, I want to make sure this kid isn't "in charge" anylonger in ROTC....i'm not sure if there are marks or something that go on the school records that will follow him so that he's not allowed to be put in charge in the future. I'm just not sure what the next step should be, i've got a call into the principle, if the call is not returned before I check him out today I will go to the office and demand someone speak to me and resolve this. If this doesn't do it, I guess the next step would be the Superintendent.

Jeanette

YOur are following the right steps, but dont seem to be getting any results. I think you should go above thier heads at this point. There should be someone in charge of the ROTC program other than the principle of the school. Call the school district and find out who you should talk to in charge of the program for your district. I think you have been patient long enough.