I've been reading Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Challenge book and I love it. He says that before someone loses weight, they need to figure out what's going on inside them...why they're over eating. So, I took a long, hard look at my life and I have always known why but until now, I have never really admitted it to many people....just my closest friend. So, here I am, bearing my heart out to you all, so that maybe others will feel comfortable in admitting what's on THEIR insides. I'm giving everyone a chance to do it...only if they choose. Which, today, I have chosen to do so...

MY STORY

When I was a kid, my parents divorced when I was 7 years old, leaving me and my sister with my father. He was an alcoholic, and very physically and verbally and emotionally abusive. I learned at 7 how to fry porkchops and how to do minor baking. Anyway, later in my adulthood I learned that my dad also had a gambling problem, which is why he never had any money. That and his addiction to alcohol. We always ran out of food. One year, for a week straight the only things we had to eat were stale ice cream cones and thankfully it was Hallowe'en cuz we also had our Hallowe'en candy. Sometimes my dad would get rations from the military by stealing them, but he couldn't do that regularly in fear of getting caught. When I started to babysit when I was old enough, I loved it cuz then I could eat whatever food they left out for me, and boy would I eat it all in fear of not knowing when I would eat next.

I was a tiny kid. I was scrawny. When I met my husband, I was under 120 pounds and I was 5 feet 9 inches, and people thought I had eating disorders, but I didn't. I was just really thin and had good metabolism - that and I didn't eat a whole lot of junk.

So, I firmly believe it carried over into my adulthood. I know it's psychological and I'm pretty sure Dr. Phil would have a hey day with me, telling me "like it is" and telling me to get over it, but when a child has been traumatised (for a lack of a better word) I strongly believe that it carries with them. Sometimes I have to force myself away from the table. I have to tell myself that tomorrow the food WILL be in the fridge and that I CAN save it for another day. But it's still sometimes hard.

I don't know why I'm admitting all this. Please don't think I'm trying to get pity..because I'm not. I just thought that if I admit to why I THINK I over eat, then maybe I can start solving my problems, and maybe even get some help from others in the same situation. Maybe others feel the way I do and are just scared to open up in fear of losing respect from others. But I'm not scared of that. Because I believe that you all respect everyone, no matter what kinds of things they have gone through in their lives.

So, before this becomes a novel, I'm going to go now, and let this all sink in. Just something to think about, ya know?

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.


Shawna

P.S. I'm slowly learning that I'm the one who controls my food and that my food does not control ME.

It is interesting how it's possible to trace food issues to childhood.

When I was 11, my mom went back to work. My 7 year old brother and I became "latchkey" children. We were to come directly home from school every day and we were not allowed to go outside. During the summer, we were not allowed to go outside while our parents weren't home.

What else is there to do but read, watch TV and eat? I used to eat out of boredom. I'd sprinkle table sugar on bread and eat it. Food was the only pleasurable thing to do (I'm glad I didn't discover sex at this age, my life might have been very different! heh).

As an adult, I had the exact same relationship with food. I ate when I was bored and I got a lot of pleasure/comfort from eating. Breaking my 4:00 afternoon daily M&M/danish treat was tough.

I read somewhere once that more than 70 percent of teenage pregnancies occur between 2 and 4pm - so I guess some are taking the other route.

I think it's great that we can use this journey as an opportunity to figure out why we overeat, but I think if I had taken Dr. Phil's advice and figured it out before I started, I would have never started!!

It sounds like you are coming to some interesting realizations and I hope that helps you move forward.

For me, I don't think the reasons are mysterious or traumatic... I like eating. I don't like exercising. I got comfortable. That may sum it up better than anything else I've ever said!

I dont think I really had an excuse for over eating. Like a alcoholic, smoker, and drug user, I am addicted to FOOD. I eat when Im sad, happy, lonely, bored, or want to celebrate something. For me food is comfort. I didnt have a good childhood but I dont really think that's why I ate so much. My mother is a big eater, she eats for comfort also. It may just be something I learned from watching her. That's why Im trying to change now in hopes my kids will learn better eating habbits from me.

I grew up with bad eating habits. My parent's were overweight and so I never learned how to eat healthy. Now I am. I am making alot better choices and setting a good example for my boys. It's definately not easy to do. It's really hard to change the way you are and think. But if it's something that is really important for you to do, then you find a way to make it through each day. I'm coming up on 16 weeks of this new healthy eating lifestyle. I feel good about the progress I'm making and it's getting a little easier to make those good choices for what we eat.

I hope you can find the strength to keep truckin on. You know what you have to do to change, the only way to get there is to work on it. It helps on those bad days to come here and vent or share what's bothering you. I know it helps me.