I've been on this new "lifestyle" path since January 10, 2006. I was doing really well up until the beginning of April. I had lost 20 lbs and went from a size plus size 18/20 to a misses size 16. I had changed my thinking on food and was meeting my goals of being healthy and getting in better shape. I was feeling good. But then things have gone down hill since then.
I'm about to the point where I just want to give up. I know I can't eat the way I used to, and don't want to. I really don't. Not eating sweets all day anyway. I know I can't eat like that anymore and am trying to deal with that. But I really don't want to feel like I have to "diet" for the rest of my life. It no longer feels like a lifestyle change like it did before. I have been atleast trying to look at it like it's just a temporary restriction while I lose weight and then I can find a happy medium between eating healthy and enjoying sweets again, so I can stick with it. But sometimes I get to a point where I just can't take it anymore. I think I hit that point at about the beginning of April. I started getting lax in what I ate. My calories started going up (not by a whole lot, but by some). I drifted off from working out every day. I have pretty much stopped strength training. It's like my steam to press on is running out.
I thought maybe I just needed a kick in the butt or to follow another direction. I thought maybe it was the fact that I was sick of counting calories and needed that change. So I read up about the Sonoma diet and it sounded good. No counting anything, just eating healthy and watching portions. But so far this week it's sucked. Dinners taste awful (not my taste). Breakfast isn't filling. My attitude about working out hasn't changed so I'm just a lazy log again. I'm at least trying to get some activity in by playing DDR with hubby. All this and all I really want to do is eat what I want when I want it. Yes I want cake, but I also want cheese, pasta, and enchilladas again. I just want to cry thinking that these things aren't going to be a part of my life anymore. Yes, it's just food, but to me food has alway been important to me. (I'm even planning on going to culinary school soon.) I want homemade cookies, homemade mac & cheese, pb rice krispie treats, and spaghetti with meatsauce. I don't know what to do. My head is telling me to be healthy and get into shape. But my heart is begging for it all to stop.
It's getting to the point where I just want to cry because I know this will be a lifelong struggle. (I've been overweight since 3rd grade. I'm currently 30.) Do you think if I ate healthy (lean meats, lots of veggies, grains) for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but ate whatever I wanted for snack times it would be ok? Obviously I would have to go back to exercising hard and doing strength training. Maybe even going back to eating whatever I wanted, but limiting my portions to be within a good calorie range. I really want to lose weight and look good, but I also don't want to torture myself anymore to get there. I know it's hard work, but I don't think I want to give up some things that I have anymore. I'm willing to work hard on the exercise so I can eat yummy things again.
Maybe it's a fear of being thinner. I've never been smaller than a 14 in my teen/adult life. I'm just one size away from that now. Actually if I could get down to a size 12 I would be happy to stay there. As far as my weight goes... I really don't care at this point. I feel like I've stayed in the same range for 2 months now and have gotten used to it. Maybe subconciously I don't want to be thinner so I'm sabotaging myself.
So my questions to you all are these...
How do you cope with wanting to quit?
Have you ever felt scared of getting smaller?
What do YOU feel is the best way to change your eating habits? Just change everything and deal with it (like going cold turkey), or just adjusting the portions of food and adding in more veggies to the normal way you eat?
I think I'm having a really bad day... or week anyway.