Over the past three years, my husband has packed on about 40 pounds. Unfortunately, it's ALL gone to his stomach. His eating has gotten a little healthier since I've been on this journey, but he likes his beer. He used to walk ALL the time and now he has a lot of trouble even keeping up with me when we walk. I always ask him to work out with me and his father told him that he could borrow his weights set. I remind him every weekend to pick up the weights, but he never does. He's also mentioned taking a martial arts class (which would be fantastic exercise). I've been pushing him to do that too, but he never does.
His mother's side of the family has a lot of heart problems and they've all died young.
I'm extremely concerned about his weight and his inactivity.
Not to mention, it's not very attractive and our intimate moments are difficult because he gets so out of breath and tends to smoosh me.
How do I approach this with him? I know he wants to get in shape and lose weight, but he just hasn't "gotten there" yet. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but something needs to be done.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Aye aye aye! I dont know what I would do in your situation. I am not attracted to big guys at all so it would be hard for me to be intimate with someone who was.. We all know that when we are overweight we are lathargic for the most part. Its not until maybe a few weeks after consistant exercise that we have more energy and are starting to see changes. Maybe you can share your concern with him?? I know you dont want to hurt his feelings and as hard as it must be to talk to him about it you gotta do it. Ask him to do for you, if he wont for himself?? I dont know.. its the best I got. Just trying to help

Tricky situation. What if you (since he has expressed interest) give him a gift certificate to a martial arts studio?

Lifting weights helped get me going. I dropped 30# without even dieting.

I wonder if he is aware of how he looks? My mental image of myself is about 30# lighter than my real weight, but "the camera doesn't lie". Maybe seeing some unflattering pictures of himself might help with the motivation.

Don't push him too hard, but continue to lead by your good example.

Well... in my personal opinion and experience, you can lead a horse to water. You know the saying. But the horse is only going to drink that water if he wants to and not before. With your husband, or anyone in general, they have to WANT it bad enough to do it. All the pushing in the world isn't going to help unless he's ready to do it himself. And the pushing, in my opinion, may end up hurting things eventually, so don't be too hard on him. I know you're concerned about his weight and his health, but if he ends up resenting you for 'nagging' him about his weight, that's not gonna help matters either. You'll end up with an overweight husband who's also pissed off.

As for making suggestions, perhaps ask him if he'd be willing to go to the doctor for a check-up, if he hasn't already. Going to the doctor and finding out my blood pressure and cholesterol was high was my kick in the butt. Also, with the beer thing, if he doesn't already drink a 'light' beer, maybe suggest to him that he switch over. Or buy it yourself. Buy some light beer and stick it in the fridge and ask him to at least try it. Any small change like that is going to make a difference.

I'm with Robert and Linda on this one - I think you should continue to merely encourage and lead by example and eventually he'll come around to a healthier lifestyle from a desire not to be left behind.

I've always been the fat one in my relationship, and I know that if at any time my hubby had crossed the line from encouragement to nagging, criticism or hurtful comment it would have affected me really badly, and probably made me dive into a tub of Ben and Jerries. To be told that I was a disappointment and less attractive to the person I loved most would have been really tough. Even to be told that I was a cause of concern and alarm would have made me feel really ashamed and sad.

Deep down your hub is heading in the right direction. I'd continue to gently encourage, and to set him a good example. Keep dragging him out on walks with you, and try not to show you're impatience at being held back if he walks at a slower pace. Getting him a martial arts voucher sounds like a good idea, or you could treat him to a set of free weights as an Easter gift (much healthier than chocolate!)

Good luck to you and your hub

Janey

Thank you guys!! Yes, that's what I thought. I have been encouraging him, on the sly. He was really thin when we met and it just really concerned me when he packed on the pounds.
I was very heavy when we met. He never once put me down for eating ice cream or not exercising. He said that he was a little concerned about my health in the future, but he loved me the way that I was. He always told me that I was beautiful. He always told me that if I wanted to lose weight, I should not do it for him, I should do it for myself.
I know that no matter what anyone said to me, I had to really want to lose the weight before it would ever happen. So, he was always very supportive of me.
I am just really concerned about his health, so I was just wondering how to go about approaching it. But, you guys reaffirmed what I thought I should do!

What Linda said.

My husband is also fat and all the nagging in the world could get him headed toward a healthier self.

When I finally got started last summer, I took a different approach. I said that I was doing this for me and that I was NOT trying to change his lifestyle. Yet small changes crept in. Then he saw my success and expressed an interest in starting for himself in late September. When he didn't get moving with it, I told him not to do it unless he was doing it for him

Finally, in November he said he was ready to give it a try!

Life got a LOT easier now that we are on this journey together, though I think I am still more committed to the lifestyle than he is.

Anyway, that little bit of "reverse psychology" == telling him NOT to start... along with some patience finally got him going.

oh! And he's lost about 40 pounds himself!

Maybe he's a little intimadated by your loss? A lot of people have a difficult time dealing with change and as a result hold onto behaviors that make them comfortable. I know it's been a while since you've hit goal - based on your ticker - but who knows? I agree with everyone else, support and example are the two most powerful things that you can do for him. Maybe you two could take martial arts together?

I love the idea of getting him a set of free weights as a gift! I would just try and stick to the subtle pushes and hopefully he´ll get to the point it´ll click with him and he´ll want to do it for himself...

My husband has almost crossed the line into obese since I married him two years ago...he keeps talking about losing weight, but he is very resistant to changing his diet and thinks that it´s all about exericise and exercise alone (which he also doesn´t do much).

I´m hoping that somewhere along the line, my husband will stop talking about weight loss and actually do something about it.

--Katherine

Maybe you should suggest that the both of you take martial arts together. I know that it is great excersise and I have seen alot of prople loose weight from taking classes.
I agree with some of the other ladies, be careful on pushing him as not to upset him but do nudge him a little.
Good luck on a hard situation

After watching me diet and exercise for 9 1/2 months, my husband finally said yesterday that he is going to start working out . He's not really over-weight but could stand to firm up a bit.