Hi everyone, I posted here several months back when I was feeling down. You were all so wonderful to me! I have come and checked in once in a while but have not posted because I have had to take care of my mom who has lots of health problems. She is not the easiest person to get along with either which makes it worse!!!!!

I was wondering how you all cope with stress? Without turning to food? (or maybe you do turn to food and decide it's okay if it helps you deal with major stress? Not "I had a bad day stress" but really horrible "I don't know how I'm going to get through another day" stress. Don't worry, I'm not that depressed, just *****ing! )

Also I wanted to share a story, I was with a cooking group I joined (learning to cook light) and we decided to take a walk around the lake since it was so nice outside. One lady who has a limp told everyone else to go ahead and she would follow us because she is slower. She waited for everyone to go ahead until I got to her, then she stepped in front of me! It was as if she slapped me in the face. She obviously thought she could go faster than me. I admit I am fat but I am also very fit (I have run triathlons and exercise every day).

Can anyone share how you deal with this stuff? Encouragement?

I'm sure most of us understand all too well!!! However... no; turning to food is not an okay way to deal with stress, at least not to me. That's what got me into this mess in the first place! We just have to make the choice and stop putting food into that little hole in our faces.

And things like the woman stepping in front of you can be disheartening... but again, we have to choose to let it roll off (NOT easy!!!) and let it make us even more determined to make it! I had a really discouraging comment made to me yesterday too... it stung but just have to keep going forward!!

I don't really have any advice, but I have to ask... you have ran TRIATHLONS while being overweight? That is amazing. I would love to be at a point where I could do that someday, but I could never handle it now. I am very impressed that an overweight person could do it. How did you do it?

I've never been a stress eater - I tend to eat less when I'm stressed out... I'm a bored eater. I like to graze and nibble and generally eat constantly. My solution is to remove myself from places where there's nibbling food when I'm feeling bored - go out in the garden, go for a run, or take a bath (trust me, I do NOT feel like eating after looking at my belly for half an hour!). As for the hurtful comments and actions... I've experienced them, and I felt hurt and angry, and all I wanted to do was yell at the person that I'm not who they think I am, but I know that really wouldn't do any good. All I can do to take some of the sting away is think about how experiencing that has made me a better, nicer person - I don't judge people like I used to just by looking at them, because I don't know their story. And for those days where it all seems to get too much - come here! We all understand what you're going through, and if nothing else, having someone to listen to will help a lot.
And you run triathlons? I dream of that - you're amazing!

LOL Sierra I totally agree with you on the tub part!! That made me laugh

I second finding things to do when you're stressed out. Do you play the piano? I find that helps me get past the stress. Or how about going for a leisurely walk at a local park...the surroundings will definitely help. If all else fails, take a nap for 30-45 minutes, and hopefully by then it'll all have blown over.

If your mom is in really bad shape (that is, if she needs so much help that it's disrupting your life), then it may be time to hire some outside help, or even help her find an assisted living situation. If that's what she needs, it doesn't mean you're disloyal or that you've failed her. It means you care enough to see that she's getting the help she needs, even if you can't be the one to give it to her. Your local social services can tell you what resources are available for her.

Taking care of an elderly parent is difficult under the best of circumstances. Sometimes, as they get older, they lose the ability to think about anyone but themselves. They may honestly not understand that they're asking more than you can give. So please remember that you can't take good care of her unless you're taking good care of yourself first. You need regular exercise. You need regular time to relax and have fun. You may also benefit from finding a local or online caretakers' support group. If you need help, please don't try to shoulder this alone. It's just too much of a job for one person.

You guys are all great. Your support really helps and I like your suggestions (especially the taking a nap one!).

Doing triathlons is actually not that hard! I never thought I would say that! I started by swimming because jogging was too hard (although now that I've done both I would have to say that swimming is much better exercise than jogging). Once I could swim 2 miles nearly every day I got bored so I started jogging. That was horrible! It was so hard on my knees (and my boobs, sorry ). Then my friend who is a very good athlete said he would do a sprint triathlon with me instead of the full one (the sprint triathlon is like a mini-triathlon). Once I did those a few times I moved on to the full triathlon. That was much harder and I didn't finish the first time. I did perhaps 4 or 5 more after that and finished them (did pretty good too, if I can say so!).

Sorry that was very long-winded. I just want to say that it's not that hard once you've done it. Baby steps! I have found that even with all the exercise I don't lose weight but at least my weight is stable. My family has a history of hypothyroidism and diabetes but so far I have not tested positive for either of them.

Also Margarita, thank you for saying what you did. Many of my parents friends think that it is only natural for the daughter to take care of the parents for as long as they need it. It is exhausting but my mom would never agree to allow anyone else near her. I know that is not acceptable but right now I don't know how to change it. I do get regular exercise and most of the time I eat properly, the problem is I get very little sleep and no time to relax. It is very stressful.