Have you ever heard variations of that said or posted? I see that a lot and it got me thinking back to the start of my fitness quest.

Some of the best advice I ever got when starting my weight loss effort is probably one of the hardest things to come to grips with mentally. We are who we are. If anyone thinks that losing weight is going to make their life magically all better - they are probably in for a disappointment. (IMHO of course) Don't get me wrong - losing almost 300 pounds has had a huge impact on my life. I can do things with my daughter that I could not dream of just 2 years ago. However, I still face the same time pressure at work, I still have the same personal problems I have to deal with. I still face a lot of stress. What is that old saying? No matter where you go, there you are.

Now I say this... not to be negative, but to set realistic expectations. I think one of the reasons that some people relapse is thinking all of their problems will go away once they are "skinny". What I tell myself is that whatever problems or opportunities I may face, I will be better able to deal with them if I am fit and healthy.

Just some food for thought. I ran across a post that got me to thinking about this subject. The number on the scale is just that a number. We are who we are. At our ideal weight, we are just fit and in better health - we are still the same person.

I wish everyone the very best.

Amen, Charles! Being realistic about your weight loss is key to long-term success. It's also something that I've been struggling with as I inch closer to my final goal weight. My life hasn't miraculously become perfect. I've got lots of extra skin, so some of the cute clothes that I had hoped to wear don't look right on me. I've still got all of the same old self-esteem issues that I had before the weight loss. But, that said, I'm healthier and happier than I was before. And I'm slowly but surely working through some of my long-term issues, and I'm finding that I'm a whole lot more comfortable with myself and with other people. So, push through with the weight loss, but don't expect the weight loss to miraculously solve all of life's problems!!

I think that is one of the fundamental ideas that I had to get used to. I remember when I was in my teens, that my mantra was "Everything will be better when I am thin. I will be more popular......" Boy, I wish I knew then what I know now. As Charles said, you are who you are. It was bit of a shocker the first time I had lost all my weight that Harrison Ford did not materialize and beg me to run away with him . I mean COME ON. Not too make light of the subject but you get the idea. I want to be a heathier me, and everything else will come out in the wash.

Sorry, but your post made me think of that movie napoleon Dynamite:

"If you vote for Pedro...all your wildest dreams will come true..." LOL

Seriously....I think I am one of those people who think everything will be peaches and cream once I get to goal. I've got to reprogram myself!!

Good post, Charles.

It's sort of like when people think that moving to a new city will get them away from their problems - I've seen people do that so many times and then once they get to the new city and the newness of that wears off, their problems have followed them there, plus they usually have a whole new set of problems that they didn't even think of.

You could apply this same thought process to so many things but you'd still have the same outcome. I know that when I get this weight off, I'll still have the same inner things to work on but hopefully will have more confidence to do just that.

DNR

Absolutely. Not just weight loss but everything. I've thought of moving to solve our financial problems. We have quite a bit of equity in this house and if we sold it and relocated some place cheaper we could probably buy a home free and clear and not have a payment at all. That has seemed like a solution, but as one friend of mine said "problems like yours tend to follow you". She's right. The solution is learning to budget, live within your means, use credit wisely or not at all etc.

I used to think that I should put my life on hold for the most part until I lost weight. I thought a lot of my problems would be fixed as long as I lost weight. I had to learn to manage my weight and my emotions. I will use my journey to become healthy but for every 10, 15, 20 lbs I lose, I still am myself.

I remember reading a few years ago that 98% of people who lose a significant amount of weight, gain it back. I'm not sure if that figure is more or less now. I don't know the numbers for weight loss surgery but I believe it too is pretty high (60%?). As sherry said, if you don't fix the root of the problem, then it will return.

I want to give a slightly different perspective. losing weight itself didn't make my life perfect or make my dreams come true. But what it HAS given me is the confidence to know that I can achieve my dreams if I try hard enough.

I never thought I'd be thin. My other dreams were dreams, but achievable compared to being thin. I could see how they might happen, I couldn't see how I could ever be anything other than fat. I could be less fat, but I would always be fat.

Then I lost the weight, and I realised that if I could do that, I could do anything. Well, within reason. I'm not going to win the lottery, but if there's a dream that I can achieve with a bit of hard work I know I can do it. I have the confidence in my own abilities now that I never had before, and I have the self-belief to just grab those dreams and go for them.

It doesn't happen automatically. I didn't wake up a thin marathon runner who is fluent in Spanish with an amazing house. But I started taking Spanish lessons, training for the marathon and considering what I want to do with my house, and little by little I'm getting closer to that dream life, like my weight loss was pound by pound not everything at once.

I've actually been positively surprised by how much the extra confidence and self-belief has pushed me on to doing the things I dreamed about, so it's not all doom and gloom!

I think it's very easy to lose yourself in the dream of "when I'm thin...", God knows I've done it a million times. Even when you know better, it's still one of those things that stay in the back of your head.

I don't expect I'll have a perfect life when I get this weight off, however, I do expect that I'll feel a whole lot better about "ME", and that will reflect in my life over all. Heck, I've dropped 9 pounds and I've already noticed I feel so much better about myself, confidence is actually peeking out for a change.

El

I hope you did not read my post as dome and gloom. It was sure not intended that way. Losing weight and getting healthy is a fantastic thing to do. It can and should improve your self confidence. My only point was that it is not a panacea. I talk to a lot of people that have gained the weight back and in a large number of cases - they were disappointed that everything was not all roses once they lost weight. I guess with my own goal getting closer, I posted this as much as a reminder to myself as anything else.

I wish everyone all the very best.

I guess it depends on what you want out of your life. Like if your dream is that you are suddenly going to meet mr or mrs right than that may not be something that is going to happen right away. the number on the scale isn't going to change your personality. However if your dream is to be able to sit in a normal sized seat at the movies or go on a rollercoaster ride that you couldn't get into before because your gut was too big for the bar to come down or walk down the street without feeling like a heart attack is coming on than you've probably achieved your dreams. I think we all have these fantasies of being swept away by Brad Pitt when we lose 100 lbs and are beautiful and skinny but I think most people are realistic enough to recognize that is not gonna happen.

Don't worry, I didn't see it all as doom and gloom, it's a very valid point and something that I struggled with mentally myself for a long time. I just wanted to put forward a slightly different way of saying very much the same thing - that you still have to work at everything that you want to achieve, but losing weight might be something that gives you the push to do it.

Jen - Can I be swept away by Dr. McDreamy??

Great post. Like others, I tend to think that way. I have trouble with the "love yourelf" now....but it is true. If we truly can't love ourselves now, why is that gonna change after 20, 40, 60 pounds. Good food for thought, Charles!!!!

Do you all read in the Maintainer forum once in a while? I learned alot! I have always lost weight ... gone back to my old habits and gone back to being the same old me. I really have learned a lot from those Maintainers.