Please give me some of your "tried and trues". I have been losing the same 10 pounds since I started my journey in September. I do well, I fall off the wagon, get back on the wagon, tweek my food choices, I record my food on fitday (albeit, not everyday). I've consistently been exercising with weights and cardio for an hour 3x's a week at the YMCA since September (yea, 1st time EVER to exercise, let alone consistently). I'm hitting exasperation and anger!!! I know this is a forever journey, but GEEZ! I'd like to have more progress. I'm really close to just being fat for the rest of my life. Honestly, this is not worth the discouragement. I know it can be done because you all have/are doing it. I just am beginning to believe it can't be done by me.

Please help me. Please give me a shot in the arm. As a sped teacher who utilizes behavior change strategies at work, I do best and understand most, concrete behavior strategies that can be implemented and have been proven successful.
Thank you,
Lynne

Well, what I found that has worked for me is I threw away the wagon. By that I mean - I am not on a diet. Therefore I can't fall off of it. I don't think that any of us long term can want to go eat a Big Mac, and Super Size Fries and instead eat tofu and bean curd. (Insert your own most popular and least popular foods) You might could do that over the short term but let's face it - over a lifetime you are going to eat things that you like. The real key is finding things that you LOVE that are healthy for you. Learning to listen to your body, eating slowly enough so that you have a chance to get full. I LOVE what I eat now. Now, it takes time to change your habits, tastes and behavior. I know Lord, I know it is hard work. But for me, this has been one of the keys to long term success.

They told us in a class that you go through 3 phases of change:

1.) I can't have.....
2.) I don't want....
3.) I want ....

Number 1 is an external motivator. It is not really a part of your personality yet.

Number 2 it is starting to integrate.

By number 3 it is now part of who you are and you are going for something positive not something negative and restrictive.

I wish you the very best!

I don't know how helpful this is going to be, but the thing that has helped me the most is getting rid of guilt. Sometimes I have something that maybe isn't the best choice, but there's no reason to feel guilty about it...look how well I'm doing the majority of the time! I think getting rid of the guilt factor, getting rid of stress, was the number 1 step I had to make before this became something I was capable of doing.

I think a huge part of it is your mindset in that you have to realize these are changes for life that you need to make to help you lose the weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Some people do fad diets which are hard to maintain for a long time, then beat themselves up about it. Cabbage soup diet? Grapefruit diet? Who can realistically keep up with those and others?

For me, exercise is part of my every day life. I may not exercise every day, but I try to and I know if I don't get some form of exercise one day, I need to get it the next. I also know that I have to watch my portions, so I started serving meals on smaller salad plates. I also know that I need to be careful of high calorie items that I eat and try to focus on good nutrition. I also have to realize that I can get tired of eating a staple item for me, such as I used to eat a spinach salad every day. I got tired of salads for a long time after that, so I had to switch to some other food. Right now I eat 2-3 salads a day and even though I really enjoy them, I may also get tired of those. I try to vary the ingredients so that it doesn't happen but who knows? Also, I realized that I enjoy eating fish for dinner but if I try to have leftover fish for lunch, I generally won't eat it. That'll leave me open to hunger and eating something else, possibly something that I really didn't want with more calories than I needed.

I also think planning is very important. Planning when and where to exercise and when and what to eat. If I didn't take my own lunch/snacks to work every day, I don't know what I'd be eating. It also leaves me open to a lot of temptation. Also, I have to find treats that are within my plan that I can have. I really enjoy no sugar added chocolate pudding as well as nonfat plain yogurt with frozen fruit. Knowing there are treats I can have, leaves me less likely to indulge in a cookie.

Lastly, if you do "fall off the wagon", so what? I eat meals that are higher calorie than I should. I then am more careful about other meals I eat and make sure I get some exercise.

Overall, it is a lifestyle change and it may take a while to actually change. Take one step at a time. Perhaps instead of going gung ho on a specific diet, how about making slight modifications to your current one?

I agree with everyone else! The best thing I ever did was to forget the word "diet". I started making small, managable changes over time such as adding small amounts of exercise at a time, switching to non fat milk for my cereal, learning to cook vegies with a small amount of olive oil or even water, eating less fatty meats etc....

The other thing that really helped me was to quit denying myself. Of all places to work, I work at a donut shop! I have learned that if I really feel I "have to have" a donut, I break off a piece and throw the big part away, or have one donut hole. You have to learn to give in to an extent so you don't feel deprived but learn to control your portions. I will also watch my calories a little more strictly on the days that I do have a treat and maybe exercise a little harder.

Last, I try not to think about how much weight I need to lose. I find it easier to tell myself that I am going to lose 2-3 pounds which seems so much easier! When I meet that goal, I tell myself that I can do that again!

You will find your own tips and tricks as you go on. You just need to make sure that they are ones that work for YOU. Read other peoples tips and modify as needed so that they belong to you because not everything works the same for everyone.

Good luck!

Lynn, I would go back to basics and think about why you want to lose weight in the first place. For me, there are a lot of factors, but the main one is that at the age of 33, I was at my highest weight of 299 and was diagnosed with hypertension, risk or heart attack or a stroke . I was not happy with myself and how I looked, and paid no attention what so ever to what I put in my mouth. I knew I needed to change. Has it been easy, absolutely not. I have changed weight loss strategies about three times in the past year and a half. Do I lose my motivation? Sure I do, as everyone else on the forum can relate to. The honeymoon stage goes away and now you are left with the incredible amount of hard work it will take to lose the weight you have gained. But I know I am worth it. For an improved quality of life I am worth it. Is my progress slow, yes, sometimes. However, it took me a year and half to put the weight on, I am expecting it will take that long to take it off. I slip some days and beat myself up for it, but I know that is not going to help.

Concrete changes:

1) I found excercise that I love to do. Before it would be a chore and I would eventually not bother. Now that I have found what I like, I look forward to it
2) I must write everything down. That is the only way it works for me. I am learning to be brutally honest with myself. I used to be a good liar.
3) Water, water, water. Some days not so much, but I am learning to like to drink water, as a former soda addict, this one is going to take time.
4) Incorporating different vegetables into what I eat. Boredom is always a downfall for me, so I mix up my food, a lot.
5) If I crave something, and nothing else is working (distracting myself, drinking water, etc), I give myself permission to have it. My personality is such that if I tell myself that I can't have something I will do everything in my personal power to get it. Binging will usually follow. Now if I crave something, I account for it, realize that I will pay for it, and move on.

In the end, for me, realizing that I am not going to wake up overnight and be thin has helped. Good luck to you!

So much wisdom! Thanks to each of you for sharing, and also to Lynn for asking the question that has been on my mind. I see people making their goals, and wonder why isn't that me making my goals? And I know it is because I am not doing my plan. For me, thinking about it is not enough...I have to put it into practice.

In answer to your question "how do I do it", I don't know. How you do it is entirely up to you. What worked for me may not work for you. Don't worry if you don't seem to be following the "rules" that worked for someone else, if it works for you that's the only thing that matters.

BUT, what worked for me was mainly exercise. Find something that you enjoy doing, and if possible do it because it makes you feel good rather than because it will make you lose weight. That will mean that you are more likely to stick to it even if the scale doesn't budge. If you fancy walking or running, sign up for a charity 5k and train towards it. Even if you don't lose weight (and you probably will), you'll feel so much better for having achieved it. The same applies whether your fitness goal is being fit enough to do a race or being fit enough to participate in something you've always wanted to do. Keep that fitness goal in mind rather than the thought that you need to be a certain weight to do it. You don't. You can be fit at a high weight or unfit at a low one.

Eating wise, eating clean, unprocessed foods is my big thing. You can count calories, and it will work, but eating low calorie, processed junk is IN MY OPINION nowhere near as satisfying as eating fresh fruit and vegetables, home cooked, healthy food and staying away from refined carbs. That doesn't mean low carb, but it does mean the right carbs as far as possible.

At the end of the day, I'm a firm believer in designing your own plan. If you want to stick to it long term (and we all do, don't we ) then you need to be happy with it, not resenting the fact that you can't eat certain foods. I allow myself anything in moderation, as long as I build it into my general plans. I'm drinking wine as I type this, and I had some dark chocolate earlier. By incorporating treats without feeling guilty you can remove a lot of the mindset that leads you to binge.

tchrnow -
I'm in the same place you are - the same 10 lbs. since last summer.

I think the idea of "no diet" is a good one -small lasting changes.
Just in the last day or so, I've decide to make my goals small - 10lbs. It seems more manageable that way.
Best wishes.
FM

For some of us we are carb addicts. Our favorite foods are sugars and starches. For some of us these foods defeat us. The only way for some of us to lose weight is to eliminate most of those foods. And for some of us eliminating those foods results in rapid and sustainable weight loss.

I agree with others that perfectionism isn't sustainable and even with a consistent pattern of eating low carb, you know there will be times when you will deviate a little. That is ok too, as long as you forgive yourself, get back to plan and continue on. I honestly think perfectionism is the enemy. deviations happen. They must be just that though, minor deviations. Not a consistant patter of behaviour.

Exercise at the level you are doing will cause muscle gain which can eliminate weight loss (but not fat loss). Sometimes if you are seriously working out regularly you have to find other ways to measure your progress besides the scale. Tape measures, clothing, fat calipers, etc, are better barometers for people who exercise a lot. If you find that you are losing inches and not pounds be satisfied and happy with that. Rejoice in that. Muscle gained is fat lost (assuming your weight doesn't also go up). And it is fat kept lost as long as your muscle mass remains high.

You've received a lot of great advice so far, and a lot of it boils down to a couple of things:

1) Take the time to figure out what works FOR YOU! I get a lot of ideas and info from the people here, and I try many things out, but I need to figure out what MY plan for life is. And so do you... that takes time and it also evolves over time. I couldn't personally start doing everything at once and have made lots of small changes along the way and will probably continue to tweak the program

2) Make a commitment -- a long term one -- to that lifestyle. By that I don't mean you have to be perfect on the program, though I think it helps if your program doesn't require perfection. But I mean that day in day out you are going to have to come back to that plan, even after your initial motivation fades. For example, I know that many days at work I will be confronted with the choice to eat some yummy food that I don't really want, crave or need. And yet it calls to me. I have to continually remind myself that my health is more important than the Yummy, that I am doing this so that when I turn 50 (in 10 years) I will be healthy and living a full life. That is part of my commitment. I also tell myself the same kind of thing when I know I need to go exercise (that's the tough part for me).

Finally, keep coming here, reading and posting and getting inspired!

You've got some great tips here.

When I start yo-yoing, I have to mentally rededicate myself. Then I tend to start by being faithful to fitday for a while to make sure I'm not goofing off too much. Sometimes simplifying my eating plan helps too, even if it means I'm eating a set few meals for a while. Just so I can get the ball rolling in the right direction again. For me, having a day where I get a meal, or a meal and a snack off is important, because I start to feel deprived.

I keep a journal and write down my exercise every day and my weight progress every week. It has pics and measurements and all kinds of stuff like that to inspire me. Don't give up, I would bet you're "this close" to seeing the progress you want, hang in there.

Thank you everyone. I'm seeing that this journey has to be personal. Specific to me and my needs, but smart, healthy, and active. I am such a rule follower that I feel if I haven't followed the "rules" (usually someone else's) I have failed and my punishment is weight gain or lack of a weight loss. I felt I was being so patient, but also angry because I wasn't getting the results I wanted because I felt I deserved them by following the "rules".

My realization is that my rules can only work for me. And, as long as they incorporate a healthy lifestyle, even if the weight loss isn't at the pace I want, I have done something positive and good for myself that in the long run will reap the rewards I desire. Here's to spending some quality time with me, figuring out my rules, my choices.

Everyone, please accept a heartfelt thanks. It is good to know I'm not the only one in this boat. And Charles, I'm taking your advice and "throwing out the wagon."
Lynne

Ive discovered that the most important thing for me was understanding that *I* am a wonderful person and deserve to 1)be happy 2)be healthy and 3)have success

Now this may sound silly and it may be :P BUT for a long time, i sub-conciously believed that i did not deserve any better than what i was doing, what i was accomplishing. I was the BIGGEST self-sabatouer there is. Anytime i would lose 5 pounds, i would have some "CRISIS" and sooth myself with food.

There would be MANY days i would eat everything in sight, because it CALMED ME DOWN.. food to me, is like xanax.. i swear, it makes me feel so much calmer.

It has taken a long time to understand that I AM WORTH IT.. and to learn to LOVE MYSELF enough to have the dedication to move forward.. without self love and *mindfulness* I cant do anything

I used to go up and down and up and down till I stopped dieting. I eat everything I want JUST in moderation. And extra excersizes when needed. I started my routine Yesterday again. I am just tired of not being able to enjot life like I used to.

First things first. YOU must not only tell yourself you had enough but really mean it and get angry. Get angry at the weight that has kept you back from whatever yet at the same time, take responsibility for it being there too. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to war! It is a total lifetime change.

Remember diet is die with a 't' at the end.

Elva