Hey ladies I need you to tell it to me straight!

So I just started living with my boyfriend of 6 years, its only been a month. Already I feel as though I am being taken for granted. My boyfriend is a really nice guy, I feel blessed to have him. Lately though he has been doing or saying things (or not saying things) that really hurt my feelings. For instance, I painted the bathroom (primed and painted 2 coats in one day) I thought it looked great, the first words out of his mouth were "you got paint on the celing, you might want to use such and such and fix it up" I was soooooo mad!!!! He also seems to be making a lot of remarks towards my intelligence, he's JOKING of course (he says) but he has been doing if often in a joking sort of way, I have told him to stop...

we also had a talk before moving in and we agreed that since I am not working at the moment I would be responsible for most of the homebased stuff. We also agreed that he would do the dishes after I cook and take out the garbage. well now he insits that I help him with the dishes ( I really don't mind helping its just that it seems as though he is renigging on the agreement)

He dosen't say thank you after meals anymore--this really annoys me--I was brought up to say thank you after it just POLITE!!!!

Also there are times when I just want to cuddle and he will say he doesn't want to (he's watching sports of course) but when we go to bed he wants to get intimate, I on the other hand don't!

Dont get me wrong he does treat me very well, just these little things that have poped up...

am I being to sensitive?

Even though you have been together for 6 years, living together is a totally different ballgame. After all, when I was dating my bf I didn't have to *remind* him to take out the garbage...

Everyone is different, but I had a lot of similar problems when I started shacking up. For example, I love where I grew up. It's a great place and when people ask me about it I tend to gush (he now lovingly calls me the Glenwood Springs, CO Tourism Board President). So whenever he said the name of my hometown, he would act all dramatic about it and roll his eyes and be very negative. It bugged me and hurt my feelings. Also, he is not what you would call a natural born housekeeper and I noticed that I was picking up the slack and doing the dirty stuff. Actually, a lot of the things you listed above. Do I think you're being too sensitive? Absolutely not. The man you date and the man you live with are two totally different animals and both parties need to learn how to respect the feelings of the other in a living situation. When I learned that flipping out on him would only warrant a similar reaction, I tried to show him how genuinely hurt I was at some of the things he was doing. Half the time, he didn't even realize it and when I approached him calmly and sincerely (not the nagging beast I can sometiems be), he was surprisingly responsive.

Is he more conscious of my feelings? yes. Does he take out the garbage in a timely fashion? No. But hey, we all compromise.

Hope this helps. If not, I at least feel your pain (especially about the sports thing. I should've known what nuts Cornhuskers are!!!)

My question to you is how do his parents act? Are they very traditional? If his father tends to expect his mother to do all the household stuff, then that is probably the only model your b/f has to go from to learn how a man and woman live together. My boyfriend says that his father never had to butter his own bread, but I am very fortunate that my live-in boyfriend definitely carries his own share of the work (at times, even better than I do). But no, you're not being too sensitive. When you do confront him about it, just try to understand where he's coming from and that it's hard to change views of how things should be that someone has learned over a lifetime.

Also, in regard to his hurtful remarks. I know this is a generalization, but "boys" tend to play rougher with one another than "girls" do growing up (physically and verbally). I've had similar issues with my b/f and he sincerely never intended anything to be hurtful. It did take a while to convince him how much certain things affected me, so you really need to be patient with him. I've been living with my boyfriend for around 10 months now and it gets better. My mother always used to tell me that the first two years of marriage (living together) are always the hardest. Just hang in there and try to remember all the positive things about him that made you want to live with him in the first place.

Goodbye Chubby- That's crazy! My mom says the exact same thing. If you make it through the first 2 years...

They may be onto something here...

fitgal2 - I think your hubby is just getting on "used to" bandwagon that guys tend to get on after a few years. They feel like they don't have to work as hard to keep you around. I'm pretty sure he doesn't really realize what he is doing.

I would just have a talk with him, and knowing he is a guy he'll probably understand yet start to do the same wrong things. Only time and talking will help you.

Don't worry too much. I feel like i do a LOT of things in my relationship of 4+ years.

I try to go by this rule.... "Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully."

I agree with Goodbye. Men tend to be a little rougher when they say stuff. For instance a man would say "Haha, you look like you got punched in the face!" whereas a girlfriend would say "Umm, you're mascara is a little smudged."

My husband used to say/do a lot of things that would make me feel the way you described. I would hold it in and then explode for the littlest things. You need to talk to him about it. He may or may not change his habits, but at least he'll know how you feel. And just talking about it with him may make it a lot easier for you as well. After talking with him about it (over and over) I got to the point where I'm just used to the way he talks. I know he's not being mean or insulting me, he's just being a guy. I'm not going to lie, there are still things that bother me. BUT it does get easier. Good luck sweetie

I don't think you're being too sensitive. Men are programmed differently than women. They don't realize that what they're saying is hurtful to you.

Something happened just a few minutes ago. My husband asked me how I was doing as I'm a little cranky/emotional due to PMS. I said I'm okay, but just a bit emotional. He said, "That's okay. I'll tolerate you." He said this all smiling thinking he's saying something nice. I told him, "That wasn't a nice thing to say . . ." and explained to him tolerate wasn't the best word to use. We're newlyweds and have only been married for four months (in early April).

I'm lucky to have a husband who listens to me when I "teach" him womenese. Sometimes I have to teach him over and over. Just try your best to be patient, but let him know what he's saying bothers you. Don't just let it build up and have it explode one day.

The joking about the intelligence to me sounds like a sign of him having problem with his own self esteem. Those that worry about themselves often joke about the flaws in others even if they are not there. Household agreements on chores hardly ever work. I think all it does it build up agression if he or you misses the work that is 'yours.'

I definitely know what you mean about being distant during sports. My husband is a sports editor so I feel it more than most. But just think if a show you loved was on (which is what sports are to them) you probably would not want to be bothered either...Men need some alone time.

I would talk to him. A big thing when you start living together is a need for communication. So many new things arise that will make you feel emotions or animosity that you may not have felt in the past. Although we wish they would, men do not read minds and they need to be dialed in.

I hate it how people are programmed to think that emotions are weak, wrong, or nonsense. How you feel is very real, and totally valid. The problem is not that you are feeling hurt and underappreciated, but that he is making you feel that way!