Hi
I guess it might seem strange that i'd be posting since i'm not the one struggling with the weight loss. But my wife is. She works SO HARD for so little results! She is on her treadmill and or weight training 5-6 days a week. My question is-how can i keep her motivated? I work out with her but i can see she's starting to get to a point of quitting. I feel like i can help her with any and every thing else in her life but i feel helpless here. I'm not looking for sympathy and its not an "oh poor me" type of post. I'm just running out of things to say and articles that i find on fitness and weightloss and weighttraining etc. its the most important thing in her life-to loose weight and give herself a new image. She just turned 45. She's reaching the point where she'll just say the **** with it but its not the healthy option. I try to let her know that the weight is second to the exercise and its benefits internally to her body. I love her no matter what but its so important to her. I really do want to see her succeed but for herself -not me. She struggles then thinks maybe she should see her doctor but then is embarassed to see him a few lbs overweight. Its a visious circle for her. We've recently joined a gym because our equipment at home just isn't up to par with the gym equipment. I've told we should give this a try and really go for it since its starting to control her life in a sense. She doesn't like getting dressed for work or going out etc. She's the most critical judge of herself by far. I hate seeing her this way. Any suggestions?
Thank you
Dean

Dean,
It sounds like you are doing everything right! Let me say (from someone who at the moment hates men :P) you sound like a very supportive husband. Keep encouraging her, and most important acknowledge her victories no matter how small. Keep reassuring her she CAN do it and you are proud of her no matter what.

Sounds to me, Dean, like you're a very caring and supportive husband! Good for you!

My only caveat is, please don't go overboard with it. If you constantly bombard her with articles and websites and weight-loss chatter (not saying you *do*, just saying *if*), you may be overwhelming her. That could, depending on her personality and her own perception of her body, either spur her on or turn her off.

Sometimes, just a simple, well-timed "Hey, honey, you're looking great" can be a tremendous motivator.

Also, you said she's just a few pounds overweight. Do you think perhaps she has realistic expectations?

Anyway, I think it's great that you're right there, being her cheerleader! Just don't overdo, ok?

DITTO! (cept the hating men part LOL)

sounds like you are a great supporting husband......

i was going to ask approx what size is she...... as if she is only 5 lbs over weight(to her standard) then maybe that is why she is not losing, but if she is way more than that, like 40,50,1000 lbs over weight, and is excercising, and eating right, and not losing then maybe there is something medically wrong.....

but on the flip side.. just going to a gym and working out will make anyone feel better about themself...... as they will feel physically better.... so hang in there......

Dean – First of all I have to say that your wife is very lucky to have someone like you that cares so much that he is out looking for answers. To me, it sounds like your wife is having some real self-esteem issues. We tend to want to think that we can solve all of our partner's problems, but sometimes there is nothing we can do - it has to come from inside them or from some other source. I would recommend that she try finding some counseling or other professional help. If she is avoiding the doctor just because she is a few pounds overweight it sounds like her self-esteem is low enough that she might need some serious help.

I started working out at the gym at around 340 pounds and my experience has been that most people are very supportive. I haven't gotten one negative comment or anything.

I have only one thing to say....Show her this website!!!!!!

Hehehee... I agree... this website definitely helps keep me going.

Since you both joined the gym, I take it that you are working out too? That's one way my husband motivates me. He works out every morning (and he is soooo not a morning person) for nearly an hour on the elliptical. On the evenings I want to give up I just think about keeping up with him. I can't let him work harder than I do! Other than that, just keep on loving her and letting her know that you love her no matter what the weight does...

-Lala

Also, what is she eating? She is exercising a lot, but is she eating healthy? And I am definitely with Lena, don't overdo your support for her. I like it when my fiance offers to work out with me, or is supportive of healthy dinners, or mentions me looking thinner, but he's not there to be my diet policeman. Just make sure you aren't bringing her any bad foods and that you are quietly helping her keep her healthy food habits.

Dean---

Well done. It sounds like you care an awful lot about your wife and you want her to be healthy and happy.

In my experience, my friends provide my support system. It helps me a lot for them to go to the gym with me. We don't necessarily have to work out together, but we usually ride there together. If I'm going to the gym on my own, it's easier for me to say "well, I'll just do it tomorrow..." but if I know that my friends are expecting me to drive to the gym today, I'm a lot more reluctant to throw in the towel for the day.

Another thing that helps is if you notice things other than her size changing. My friend recently said to me "you know, you seem a lot happier recently..." When he said that, I knew that it was true, and it was because I've been exercising and feeling a lot better about myself. Of course, compliments about my decreasing size help too. The way I see it, when I discover for myself that I'm decreasing in size (like today at the gym, when I first noticed a slight change in my appearance), that really keeps me going. On the other days, when I can't tell if I'm progressing or not, compliments from my friends help to spur me on.

Also, what about some kind of reward system? It doesn't have to be anything special or expensive, really. Mine is a tiny flower vase. For every 5 pounds I lose, I get to add another flower to the vase. It sits right on my desk so I am constantly reminded of my success. There are other rewards, too. For instance: when I've lost 50 pounds, I've promised I'll buy myself a new TV!

Ultimately, talking to her about her struggles and tryign really hard to see her perspective and empathize with her might be the best thing you can do. But it sounds like you have the hang of that already! Give her lots of high-5's and challenge her. You're doing a great job, I'm sure.

well thank you for saying all those nice things but i really don't want any credit. To answer a couple of your questions:
she eats very healthly and low carb. I think at times she doesn't eat enough throughout the day. Secondly, she is looking to loose 30 lbs-she'd love to be 130. She's a shade under 5'2". I think sometimes i do go overboard with articles of advice so thanks-i'll cool it on that. the gym really seems to be working well so far. we just joined last weekend and although she was apprehensive and anxious about exercising in front of others she's doing really good. she's ready to go when i get home and so far she's making it part of our routine.
she does have esteem issues and she always seems to be comparing herself to someone else(usually thinner) and equating thin-ness with the quality of person. know what i mean? she's a great person!! saddly she doesn't see it as much as people that know her!! but she is working on that. there just is so much pressure put on women by society. its just not the same for men and its really not fair. a man can go to the beach with a big old pot belly and no one really look twice. he's seen as a "big guy" but a woman would be judged as "fat".
thanks again to all of you for listening and your responses and advice.
best of luck to all of you and hope you all reach your goals!!
thank you
Dean

one more thing---whats "fit day?"

Ditto

Dean www.fitday.com is a journal where you can input your foods for the day and it will give you how many calories, fats, protein etc. you've eaten, it's great... This reminds me I must input my food for today BRB

Dean --- fitday, and this site, help me a bunch. fitday helps you really SEE what you're eating and how it's all working together (or not). If nothing else, it really helps me be honest and realistic (rather than saying "yeah, I don't think I ate that much X today...." I SEE what I ate and can also look for patterns.

Also -- if she is working out a bunch, she can be adding muscle weight at the same time as she is decreasing fat weight. She'll notice a difference eventually, but sometimes people are surprised that working out doesn't result in an immediate big weight loss like they are expecting.
Thanks for being an ally.