This kinda goes along with the body image thread, however I have avoided this place for the past week because of my issues and I need help to understand and talk about my feelings.

I don't have a problem with mirrors... I love trying on clothes and looking mirrors (I'm not vain - I don't seek it out, but I don't mind it either). My problem is looking at pictures. The person I see in the picture is not the person I see in the mirror. When I look in the mirror (fully clothed or completely naked), I have no problems with my body other than my stretch marks and the fact that I would love to be smaller. I was starting to think that I finally accepted my body and my size (and gained some self esteem) - then I saw a recent picture of myself. OMG I started crying. It was horrible. I LOOK like I weigh 350lbs. I don't see that when I look in the mirror. I don't feel like a size 28 and I don't feel 350lbs. When I look in the mirror, I feel reasonably good about my proportions (nothing is overly huge anyway), I feel like my height helps my weight look more distributed (I'm 6ft tall), I don't feel like I have a fat face. But that picture, oh god... in that picture I am all of those things that I don't think I am; I don't look like the person that I feel that I am. I have had a bad week because of it.... I went on a "oh pity me" binge for the past few days. I have gained 1.5 lbs in 2 weeks, and exercised less (although the exercise has more to do with not having time because of school obligations that I don't normally have.)
I have just felt awful. All because of that picture. Why can't I see that when I look in the mirror? What should my mind believe?

I'll try to post the picture... If it works, this is an informal picture of my nursing class.... I have had to cut it and enlarge and fiddle with it to get it to attach.... ugh. yuck.

I wish I knew what to tell you, but I feel the same way! I feel like someone came in my house, replaced my mirrors with funhouse mirrors to make me look "average" and replaced my camera with an exact replica that has a skewed lens to make me come out fatter in pictures than I am in real life!

You'd think we'd be the opposite, ya know? We'd see ourselves larger than we are. But if we've been in denial over the years about our weight, it's plausible we have learned to see things the way we want to see them. We want to see ourselves as "a little chubby" so we train our brain to see our reflection that way. I know I stand in front of the mirror and minimize and justify. "Oh, it's mostly on my hips.. if my hips were just this size [squishes in my hips] I'd be fine." "Well, I did eat a large meal, so thats why my stomach is puffed out." "My legs aren't that big. Theres lots and lots of muscle under there, that's why they seem so large." Etc, etc.

It's amazing what our brains can do, isn't it?

P.S. I just noticed we have quite a bit in common! I'm also 24, married, a radiography student, and tired of being fat. Oh and we have about the same amount to lose!

Girl, get out of my head. Cause I have those exact feelings sometimes. In some ways I think "Ok, well it's good that I have confidence in my appearance on a day to day". But then I think "Wait, am I just kidding myself, is the picture how others see me?". I still have no idea ...so no advice...but anyway!

I'm so blown away by everybody's post -- I have felt the same way forever and none of my friends really understand. I don't have a huge problem looking at myself in the mirror but give me a picture of myself and wham -- I wanna go cry somewhere. I don't have a lot of pictures of myself because I can't stand to look at them. My friends love to take group photos and while I will stand with them in the photos, I won't put them out around my house if I'm in them. I've got no advice to give on this -- just wanted to let ya know you're so not alone!!!

I have always also wondered if this mirror vs. "truth" (i.e. what the picture shows) is one of my problems with my weight -- sometimes I think I down play in my mind how big I actually am. I think that I may do this because seeing myself so big all the time would make me unable to function and face the world. So I just look in the mirror and don't think that it is so bad. However, I can't hide from my reflection in mirrors when one of my slimmer friends is standing next to me, putting on make-up or something. Then I don't look so good anymore in my mirror.

~Misty

What an intersting thread. I just had to reply. I used to tell my Mom and Dad that I didn't see myself as that heavy and they just couldn't believe it. I was around 275. Part of my thing was that when I leaned close to a mirror to put my makeup on, all the chins would go away and so my face would look fine. And that's the most time I'd spend looking at myself in a mirror. I just didn't perceieve myself as heavy as I am. I constantly walk into doorframes when I am going through doors because I don't think I need as much room as I do. Isn't that crazy!!

I second Sandi, this is a good thread, and I think highlights really well, some of the other issues we face while we are going through weight loss. Our minds are wonderful things. The best thing that is does (I think) is protect us from ourselves. I think that we distort reality quite a bit because it is a hard thing to face. I don't think I would be able to face the day sometimes if I saw myself truly for what I looked like compared to what I think I looked like. One thing that I am going to have to reconcile with myself is the how I really look. I know this explains when people compliment me on my weight loss so far, I do not see a difference, because my self image is different from reality.

Wow! I didn't know what to expect when I posted this thread, but I am so glad to know that I am not the only one out there. Last night, I just stood back and looked at myself in the mirror. I fully realize that I am morbidly obese and that I need to lose weight or (eventually) my quality of life and health status will greatly decline. I know that my height cannot make up for my weight anymore - but I know that it still helps. Most everything is in proportion, as in everything is equally big, nothing sticks out more than anything else.
I don't know if my mind is playing tricks on me or not. The main difference between the picure and the mirror is that I don't completely dislike everything I see in the mirror.
I am a very self-conscious person, and everyday that I go to class, I am reminded of my size, as I am the largest person in my nursing class. I am acutely aware of my size and the judgments that come with it.
I still don't feel as big as I am - but that hasn't always been the case. Before I started exercising regularly I felt morbidly obese: my knees hurt when I tried to stand up, I couldn't walk very far or very fast, I avoided activity because it was easier to sit all day. But now that I exercise several times a week, I feel like I have buckets of energy and could go all day and all night, my knees don't hurt, I have gained a fair amount of muscle, and I can walk 1mph faster than I could a year ago. But those things don't show in a picture....
I don't know what the answer is, or if there is one. Thank you guys for all your support!

I'm very similar to you, sometimes I really like looking at myself in the mirror. I like my butt (don't ask) and I like wearing nice clothes. I think I look a lot better than what any pictures shows me. I hate pictures, I always think "is that me?". I don't know for some reason pictures seem to show my belly and the fatness in my face. I don't like it.

I also don't feel as big as I am. I don't know why. Only time I do is in those white little plastic chairs and roller coasters which I think will break due to my size Anyway, I'm with you.

I had very similar thoughts at the beginning of this month and it drove me to be more motivated and focused on losing weight. For a long time I didn't think I looked heavy, I didn't think I actually looked how much I weigh and in fact for a long time I don't think I did because I was more muscular than I am now and I'm sure that helped. I always hated pictures of myself though. I think though in the past few months I really started seeing what I looked like in the mirror and I really hated the way that I looked and the way that I felt. The person that I am on the outside does not reflect the person I am on the inside and it's about time the two became a better reflection of each other!

Oh my gosh. I know what you mean. My husband and I went on a dinner and dancing riverboat cruise for our anniversary a month ago and before we left the hotel I took a look in the mirror and thought, "girl, you are hot!" When we got on the boat we were forced to have a picture taken of us (so that they could try to sell it to us for $20 later). They came around to our table later with the picture in a frame and I was devastated. I looked so horrible (with 4 chins) in that picture. It ruined my self confidence and put a slight damper on my evening. My dh tried to convince me that it was just a bad pose but I know better.

I too could not believe it was me when I would see a picture. I never felt that big. Our mind does play tricks with us. Now when I see a picture I still can't believe it's me. I still feel like my old picture looks. It's amazing what we let ourselves think. I am getting a better self image as time goes on but it sure is hard.

Oh, do I ever remember this feeling! I remember getting a pack of pictures back in January of 2004 (the same year I started losing weight), and I just sank to the floor the second I saw what I looked like in them. I honestly couldn't believe this was me. Then I had to get my picture taken for work... and it was the most horrific sight I've ever seen (attached). I remember asking my hubby, "Do I really look that fat to other people?" and he agreed it was an unflattering photo, but... I could sense the "Yes." The good news is that I used these feelings to help start the process of losing weight.

Here's a piece of good news, though -- Now when I see pictures of myself, I *still* can't believe it's me, but from the other perspective. I had to have a passport photo taken yesterday (also attached but warning: it's a pretty bad photo! I call it "Squinty McGee Travels to Italy"), and when he handed it to me, I thought, "Do I really look that thin?"

Isn't it weird how our minds can distort so much what we see everyday? All I can offer is that I think maybe our minds edit out what we see in the mirror to help us get on with our daily business. And what we perceive is apparently so laden with emotional baggage -- no wonder eyewitness accounts are always so dodgy!!

What Jennifer said!!! (btw - amazing progress pics, girl!)

I'm the same way - always shocked at pictures of myself, and could never understand why the looked so much worse than my reflection in the mirror.

Now, down almost 50 pounds - I'm seeing the opposite side of that coin. I LOVE pictures of myself now. When I look in the mirror, I still see the same girl I've always seen. I know I'm smaller (several clothing sizes smaller, in fact), but I don't really see it in the mirror. But pictures are another story. Twice now, I've looked at group pictures and not been able to find myself right away. I look so much skinnier than I do in the mirror.

All that to say, hang in there!! Soon enough, those pictures will be a great yardstick for measuring your progress. You'll be diving in front of cameras, instead of away from them.

While we're at it, can anyone explain why we don't see the same "us" in pictures and in mirrors? Really, it makes no sense...

Cheers!
paula

Jennifer - your pics are just amazing!!!

I too can totally relate to everything that has been said in this thread. The other thing that has been so weird for me is to look back on pictures of myself when I was younger and I thought I was horribly fat and think, "wow, I can't believe I thought I was so huge back then. I was a little chubby, but not THAT large." It really saddens me that I spent that time feeling so bad about myself when it really wasn't that bad. Although it certainly felt it at the time. I guess in many ways it is a matter of perspective.

I 100% agree with this. I looked at some high school pictures of me (I graduated in 1999) not too long ago and I was shocked. This was a time in my life when people were cruel to me because of my weight - because I was larger than they were and I only wore a size 18. I saw the pictures and I was like "what the **** was I thinking then??? why did I have to listen to those a$$holes??? why did I ever believe I was fat???" Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a size 18 now. I would be delirously happy at that size, and although I have come close to being in an 18 at various points, once I surpassed that size it has been seemingly unreachable ever since. I desire to be a size 16 or 18; I really don't care if I would ever lose anymore weight...