I figured that this forum was the best place to ask this question.

I am SO tired of people telling me that I shouldn't lose any more weight. I am currently hovering around 165lbs and my aim is to get to 150lbs. I could actually just stay around 158 or so, but I want some 'breathing room' for those little fluctuations life throws at us.

I have set my goal weight at around the middle, if not just high of middle, of the 'healthy weight range' for my height. I've based this on charts and my BMI. I haven't just made up an amount that I felt like getting to. I have a friend who is a dietitian who has given me lots of advice and she is happy with my goal weight. My aim (which I set two years ago) has always been to get to a 'healthy weight', so this is why I don't want to fall short of my aim.

I am certainly NOT at risk of becoming anorexic... I love my food too much. I do believe that people are just comparing what I look like now to what I looked like before and maybe they think I am too thin. I tell them how much I weigh, and what size clothes I am still wearing, but they all look at me in disbelief and some have even said that this couldn't be correct. Now, I am glad that I obviously carry my weight well, but I'm not sure why they would think I am making this up.

Anyway, today just kind of got to me. Particular outfits seem to make me look quite a bit slimmer than others and I must have had one of those on today. I must remember that and LIVE in the same clothes if they make me look that good. I had a few people tell me to not lose any more weight and it just kinda got to me today. These people are about 20lbs or more lighter than me and I know that they would not be happy to be my weight, or size. I am just tempted to get snappy and ask them "Would you be happy at this weight?". I am hoping that someone has a better solution though.

I also thought I could just tell them that I had stopped losing weight, but my dietitian friend said that when people then saw that I was still getting smaller they would think I was hiding something and would be even more worried.

I'm sure some of you have faced this problem and I am hoping you had some good 'come-backs' when comments like this were made.

Sorry this was so long. I had to get it off my chest.

Thanks for any suggestions,

Zelma

I get that a LOT- I've been maintaining now for some time and I still get 'the look', talks about how skinny I am and I must never eat. My husband calls me 'bones'. I weigh 125# at 5'4 and eat 2K calories a day, minimum. Color me puzzled! There's another person at my job who probably weighs 80# soaking wet and we are constantly mentioned in the same breath. ?!!?!?

When I tell people how much I weigh they look completely befuddled. Not that I'm complaining, but I do find it amusing when I get the worried looks - I think that so many people are overweight that 'normal weight' looks too thin?

Ah well. I am not planning on losing any more weight and I am happy where I am.

I think that people have your old self in their mind still, so when they see you now, you look really thin to them. I say this because when my mother lost about 30lbs, I thought she was too thin the first few times I saw her. It took a while to get used to her new size.

Then I lost weight too. And when I saw her again, I realized that neither one of us are excessively thin. (Actually, we're pretty close to the same size). Nor are we at the bottom of our healthy weight ranges. It just takes people time to adjust to the new you.

The other factor is what featherz mentioned--"normal" has become a bit overweight, to the point that someone in their healthy weight range tends to look a bit thin.

I think you're right. I was told by my mother for quit a while that I was getting too thin and "don't you dare lose anymore weight". At 5'7 and 130-135 maintaining, I don't think I am one of those people that you look at and think "eating disorder". I just think that after being overweight my entire life, people aren't used to seeing me thin. I tend to believe it's more a reaction to a drastic change. And people don't like change, right?

And of course, the skinny chicks don't like the competitition

Yeah. I get that too. And when they say that I just sort of blow it off and say something like, "Few more pounds and I'm done," and leave it at that. But people literally freak out when I tell them I'm not quite done yet. My brother-in-law even said, "Good grief, girl, there's nothing left of you NOW!"

Well to him, no. These are all people that saw me top off at 220 pounds. So yeah, I imagine I'm "skinny" compared to what I used to be.

But it's my body and I know what I want, so I don't let other people's comments bother me. I'm doing this for me, not them.

I agree with everyone else who says that people are still comparing you to how they're used to seeing you. Personally, I'd just lie and say I was maintaining to get them off my back. What are they going to do, drag you onto a scale every week and check!?

That's a good idea, lol.

I don't bother telling people anymore that I'm not done losing yet because I'm only setting myself up for the comments. Last week I saw someone I know in the grocery store that I hadn't seen in about 6 months and he asked me how much weight I've lost and I told him 80 pounds and left it at that.

I get that ALL the time!! "Nancy, don't lose anymore weight!" "Nancy, your SO THIN!" "Nancy, if you lose anymore weight, you'll be TOO thin!"
I have to say that my favorite though was when my mother said, "Nancy, don't lose anymore weight. You don't need to. You have a space in between your legs when you walk!!" LOL I told her that this is NORMAL! That this is the way I'm SUPPOSED to look! That this is a healthy weight for me!
At 5'8 and 160 pounds (people can never seem to believe it when I tell them I weight 160! They always say, "I would have guessed a lot lower than that!) I think I look fine and could even stand to lose 10-20 more pounds!!
I think you are all right. People are all just so used to seeing us at a heavy wieght, that their minds can't seem to grasp that this is normal for us!

We say all the time that muscle is more compact that fat -- if you look at 1lb of fat vs. 1lb of muscle, muscle is going to look a lot smaller. In our dieting/weight loss efforts, it's possible for us to look a lot smaller because more often than not we're exercising and getting in shape. I think that's why you might be getting some of the "You can't weight that much!" when you tell them -- they're used to 160 lbs of "out of shape" (because, let's face it, many people are) and 160 lbs of "in shape" is going to look a lot thinner. It's also something to consider when looking at those weight / BMI / body fat % ranges that we all seem to rely so heavily on -- they're for average people...they're not necessarily for athletically fit people. When you've been exercising and have good muscle tone, you might want to factor that in when deciding where you want to be. Just a thought.

Zelma - I thought I'd add too that by looking at your avatar you have a really thin face! I'll bet people see your face, remember the way you used to be, and base their assumptions on that. I hide the fact that I'm losing(or trying to) from everyone I can, I don't need good or bad motivation from anybody but family.

Thank you everyone. I'm sure I was just feeling a little sensitive about things the other day. My weight has actually gone up a little bit this week, and I guess I figure that they have nothing to worry about if they think I am going to lose too MUCH weight. I can't even lose what I want to lose!

I have decided (after talking with hubby and dietitian friend) that I am going to let myself get into 'maintenance mode' and try to forget about losing weight for a while. Hopefully the weight will still come off, but I want to have a break from worrying about it quite so much. I know that I will have to worry about it for life, but I think you know what I mean.

I may also have to readjust my thinking about the weight I may finish at. I know that the BMI and other charts aren't the be all and end all, but they are all I have to go by when my aim was to get to a 'healthy' weight. My scales measure body fat and I'm still at 30%, so I feel as though I need to at least get that down.

I'll have to see. But it has been wonderful to see that I am not alone in this boat. I figure that at some point or other, we all go through a lot of similar situations and I am just SO glad that I can come here and 'talk' to people who understand totally what I am talking about.

Thank you again for your valuable input.

Take care,

Zelma

Haha, I'm not done myself, but I get this kind of comments as well. I've set myself a goal of about 54-55 kgs (that's the "121" in my ticker) because I'm between 5'1" and 5'2", and I think this would be a normal weight for such a height. I can't say I have heavy bones or something, because even though I have a somewhat stout frame, my skeleton is, uhm, normal, thanks. I don't carry 40 kgs of bones around.

I too think it may be because people are just used to use having been heavier, and even more so when we've been this way for years, or from childhood. Some cynical part in me whispers that they're also somewhat feeling threatened, that if we lose more, they won't be "much more thinner than us anymore", but hey, I guess this is going a bit too much on the paranoid side, not everyone around us is a sapper. So yes, it's probably just a matter of getting adjusted to us "becoming normal again". (And perhaps we get this more from people who're also overweight? My sister is uber-thin, size 2 or 0, and she agrees with my choice of a goal weight, while my mother and grandma, who're quite stout and have weight problems as well, seem to find my now-size "normal enough".)

I am in the same boat...my hubby told me yesterday that my weight loss is "officially over"...lol He does not want me to lose anymore. I am surely not starving myself, I eat whenever I am hungry, but I can not eat a lot at one sitting so he thinks I am starving, since he can eat like a maniac. I keep assuring him I AM eating enough for ME, not HIM. I think I am just not going to tell him that I am still trying to lose the last 12 lbs, since he is so nervous about it. I quit telling him about how much I lost over 10lbs ago. I also get strange looks from people when I tell them I have 10-15 more lbs to go. I wear size 10 pants, so I am not tiny, but I am smaller than I used to be. It is aggrivating, since you are trying to be healthier by losing the extra weight, and people are freaking out on you about "losing the extra weight". Oh-well.

For a while I've been telling people that I've finished, then if they notice that I'm still going it's like "oops, I don't know how that happened, still, it's not too thin yet is it?!"

When people say that to me - I just tell them I am going to concentrate on exercising - so if I get any skinnier, I can blame it on the exercise, and they are none the wiser!

I love it - These people weren't worried about me when I was 50lbs over weight, why do they feel like I need their imput now?!