You have a lot on your plate!

I have a good life. It is stressful but good. The only bad thing is having to think about or take care of is my nutty family. They provide a ton of stress. Having said that, I know there are days and months and who am I kidding, most of the last 2 years where I just feel like I'm burned out and don't care about anything. I don't cook, I don't clean, I'm half the shell I used to be. I hate myself for that. I hate that I'm not as strong and productive as I used to be. Hate it with a passion.

Moving on. I started reading Bipolar Survival Guide (don't know what you have) and realized that there are things I can do to take care of myself and strategies to develop. My priority is SLEEP (lack of can cause mania for bp). SUNLIGHT. Seriously, Sunlight helps those serotonin levels. Find a counselor or a good friend (who won't feed into it) to vent to. Get out of the house. If you aren't already on medications, consider it.

Honestly, starting this diet is like the one thing I can control in my seeminly out of control life.

Forgive yourself if you don't want to take care of every problem. Give yourself lots of "me" time. Be a little selfish. In the end it will help the situations or at least let you know which situations you have the power to change and which ones you don't.

P.S. I know what you mean by nutty family. My mom just tried to kill herself, wants to kill my sister, and wants to burn my grandmother's house down. OMG. I went nuts last weekend. Honestly. THere aint a dang thing we can do. We even went to court and everything the last time she shot herself in the wrist. She has to voluntarily put herself there. I felt hopeless. I'm tired of this crap. I just spent 3 hours walking and some of that in the fresh air, and now I don't feel so bad. Never normal though. Sheesh, never normal again.

Oh, hon, there's no reason to hate yourself.

You've been through so much in the last few months. It's bad enough to deal with such chaos at work or in a social setting, but having it right there in your own home is devastating. Anyone would've had trouble sticking to a healthy diet and an exercise plan, so please don't be hard on yourself.

You aren't alone, either. I've certainly used food for comfort, in ways I shouldn't have, so I have a pretty good idea of what you're feeling right now. But I'm also confident that your mood and your outlook will improve once you start eating better and working out. Please take good care of yourself.

Naaa. You love your self. You are starting sonoma and your exercising. You already on the way on a positive out look of loving yourself, before you know it, you'll say what 65 lb.

Sorry about what is going on, but I do believe, with the positive outlook that you are starting, You are going to feel pretty good about yourself.

I know about the hating oneself thing, believe me, I was hating myself back in Oct 05. but hey I am sick of hating myself. It's time to change.

boy am I ready

It's amazing what family stress can do to us!

I added 85 pounds in about 18 months and mine was triggered by depression, marital problems, eventual divorce, loss of job, hanging on by a thread financially, loss of friends and a nervous breakdown... I am getting better now, am on a/d's and started WW so I feel better about myself. Things are much more stable in my life. While I'm not happy about the weight... I am happy that I'm getting my life in control again. That's something each of us can do for ourselves.

I understand the self-hate. Really I do. But it's not productive. With every positive step you make though, give yourself a big pat on the back and remember those positive things. You will reach your goal, but you must put the past behind you. You can not change what happened then but you CAN change what happens NOW!

Lots of positive thoughts to you!!

While at first glance your situation seemed rather dire, it actually seems that you're doing much better. I mean, your husband is getting back on track, your kids are getting settled-- the boyfriend is certianly a f@#&*r but that's not your fault, and I'm sure the fighting with your husband will quiet down once the dust from all of that other stuff clears. It's great that you've decided to start taking care of yourself again, and remember-- if you can put it on, you can take it off. Good luck, honey!

Al-Anon. Saved my life!