I was going to pm you with this question, then thought Im sure Im not the only one that would want to know the answer.

So...I copied this quote from you, that you posted in maintainers..

its the psychological garbage that she helped you with Im interested in. What are some of the things you have learned to deal with, and how did you deal with them?

See.....I had an incident last night with a bag of marshmallows my downfall.......why were they in the house? Because they were bought for xmas baking, and because of my issues, I never used them. So...they were still there. Well...ALL of them are gone now!

So, please share some of the psyc battles you have fought, and won, and how you did it. Anyone else please share too, because for me, weightloss is 100% in my head and the games I either succeed or fail at playing.

TIA

Hi Robin ,

This whole weight loss thing has been 100% mental for me, too, and (like I said) my trainer has REALLY helped me shift my attitude and entire way of thinking about food, exercise, body fat, etc.

A couple of the biggest and best tips she's given me:

1. It's NOT about a number on a scale. It's about how your clothing fits.
2. Protein, protein, protein. Aim for 100 - 140 grams a day.
3. Be consistent. No excuses. If your goal is exercise 3 days a week, DO IT.

One thing she's really good at is asking great "why" questions when I have a complaint, comment, confession, etc. She's now gotten into my head (so to speak), so when I try to talk myself out of exercise or into a cookie, her "why" pops into my head. Example: if I eat something I really shouldn't have and vent to her about it, she says, "Why'd you eat it?" which makes me really think about it...and the answer is usually boredom, stress, or being tired. Then she'll say, "The next time you reach for something to eat, first ask yourself if you're actually hungry. If you're NOT hungry, ask yourself WHY you want to eat it." It's the same thing with exercise. Cardio, actually, which I despise. I was at the gym Friday and DID NOT want to get on the elliptical. I said to her, "I don't think I'll do cardio today." She said (of course), "Why?" I think I snorted and said, "I don't want to." She looked at me and said, "What DO you want?" LOL...and I said, "to be 135 lbs." So I solved that one on my own and got on the darn elliptical . She's just so fabulous about asking just the right questions at the right time to get me thinking about things...I hope that makes sense.

We also talk a lot about why I was heavy to begin with. And again, it's all about the "why" questions: Why did I gain 50 lbs in college? What was is about college that made me eat so much? Why do I hate vegetables and chicken and CRAVE pasta? Why did I never try to lose weight before? Why did I gain another 30 lbs while I was a teacher?

I won't bore you with all the answers to those questions about me, but I WILL tell you that by breaking down my entire life into little sections -- looking at the times when I gained weight, etc., her questions really helped me focus in on the fact that for me stress + depression = self-medication with food + weight gain. I never made that connection before, but she could see it as an objective observer simply by saying, "Why did you gain 30 lbs as a teacher?" and then listening to me babble on and on during our weight session about the correcting, the parents, the administration, and the sheer EXHAUSTION of dealing with 7th graders all day every day...

As I write this, I'm thinking now that these might be good questions to ask YOURSELF and maybe put down into journal form.

She also asks questions like, "When in your life did you feel MOST healthy?" and then of course, "Why? What was happening in your life then that was different?" And looking back at those healthier times in my life has taught me a lot about what I need in my life to BE healthy. If that makes sense...which it probably doesn't...LOL.

ANYWAY...

She also gave me a whole new perspective on the purpose of food. Which sounds mighty moronic, I know. But for me, food was either (a) bad for you but yummy, (b) good for you but disgusting, or (c) a good, loyal friend on a lonely Saturday night . And despite middle school health class, etc. I never *got* the fact that food is fuel. Food was something my mother never ate (she was anorexic), something my father OVER-ate (he was obese), and something I never learned how to prepare beyond the boil-water-insert-macaroni level. But when I first started out and she had me doing food logs, she went over absolutely everything I was and WASN'T eating. So I learned that my desperate need to sleep every day at 3pm was linked to the fact that all I ever ate was carbs. Etc...

I hope I answered your question, Robin...I fear I may have started babbling BIG TIME!!! As usual.

Yes you certainly did Kate, and thankyou so much for taking the time to answer.

I have printed off your reply, and Im going to go thru it bit my bit in the morning, and answer your questions for myself. This sounds so much like something I need to pay attention to. I dont know if I can ever admit that food is only fuel.....why? Because it tastes so good....why else, its something my ex used to say to me when he would taunt about "I eat food fuel, not for pleasure" When I read that line, I heard his voice So thats something else I need to get over.

Anyway I really appreciate your answers. You are an awesome inspiration, you have done so well!! Thank you again for your help

Robin:

If I can jump in here, I'll insert my thoughts on the "food as fuel" thing.

I never used to get it, either. Food was lovely, food was "treats", food was the way that I indulged myself/was nice to myself. Then, one saturday, I wanted a donut. So I got a donut. And I had a really, really bad reaction to it: I was shaky, sweaty, headachy, having problems with my vision, and sick to my stomach. What I was experiencing sounded a WHOLE LOT like what happens to my dad, a type 2 diabetic, when he has problems with his blood sugar levels. To say I was unthrilled would be putting it mildly. I recovered and called my doctor on monday.

At the doctor I explained to her what had happened. She ordered tests--fasting glucose, triglycerides, cholesterol, thyroid, testosterone, liver and kidney panels--and sent me to the lab. I gave blood and called in two days for the results. Results: everything normal, except cholesterol. I had never had elevated cholesterol, ever, despite being overweight for almost my entire life. One of my deepest fears is that there is *something* going wrong in my body that I don't know about, that won't be caught until it's too late to repair the damage. Elevated cholesterol is the first step toward heart disease--something else I have a genetic tendency toward. My dad has had a heart attack (at age 50) and has 8 (yes, EIGHT) stents in his heart. This terrifies me. I spent the next weekend alternately being angry and being desolate.

The next week I shook myself out of it. I went back to my fitday account, asked for low cholesterol cookbooks for Christmas, and did my research at the library. I set a "under 300mg/day" personal goal on fitday and entered all of my foods religiously into my account. I had to figure out how to feed myself, how to get my nutrition, how to get enough calories, AND stay under my cholesterol and sodium goals.

The weird thing is, as I did this I began to understand that X food works better, I feel more hungry if I only eat Y, Z is nice to eat but really doesn't change my numbers much at all...amazing. Slowly, slowly, I got the message that some foods worked better at fueling and taking care of my body. It wasn't a sudden Eureka moment. No switch was flipped. It was a painful, step-by-step realization. But when I needed it, I finally got the idea that food IS fuel. Food is the way we take care of our bodies. The end.

Yeah, food is nice, too. I let myself have one meal (friday lunches, date day with my hubby) that I don't count and don't worry about. But otherwise, my food decisions are made on the basis of what it can do to help my body be healthier.

Sorry to jump into your thread, just thought that maybe my perspective change would offer you something more.

To continue on with the food is fuel concept...

I used to drink something like 4 - 5 cans of regular Coke a day. And mentally I *thought* I needed it. Like I said, I was a teacher, and somehow I'd convinced myself that I needed the caffeine infusion all day -- 2nd period, 4th period, lunch, faculty meeting, the drive home, etc. When I started seeing my trainer, she said, "How many calories are in one can of Coke?" And LOL...I had no idea. And she taught me a concept that was utterly new to me: "empty calories." Being a nutritional disaster area, I'd never heard of that before. Once I realized I was taking in 500 - 1000 extra, useless, empty calories a day I was like "whoah!" and then took her previous advice to cut back.

I've always known what was "right" as far as food, but I never really understood the WHY -- the MATH behind it.

I also drink a ton of tea, usually in HUGE (10 - 12 oz) mugs...and I never thought about the 3 tablespoons of sugar I used to put in each mug. It makes me sound like an idiot, but I was chugging down hundreds of extra calories a day without even thinking about it...until she pointed it out. Again, she'd already suggested Splenda instead of sugar, but to me it was all about the TASTE of my tea. I think I said something like "no one messes with my tea" . But then she showed me the math. And it clicked.

She also emphasized something that a lot of 3FCers say all the time: BABY STEPS. If you try to change everything all at once, you're setting yourself up for failure. So I cut DOWN on the Coke -- I didn't quit cold turkey. I switched to Splenda. I started reading the nutritional labels on food. She taught me that carbs are basically sugar and that protein goes (practically) straight to your muscles.

I also thought you *had* to lose weight before you started weight training. For some reason I had always thought of the "get toned" process as something for thin people. I didn't know muscle burns calories at rest. I didn't know cardio only was only part of the exercise equation.

MOST importantly, I didn't think I could lose weight. I thought it was 100% GENETIC and that I was destined to be fat forever. My biological mother weighs probably 350 - 400 lbs. She needs a scooter to get around because she is so heavy. And I accepted obesity as my fate. After all, I'd ALWAYS been heavy (or so I thought). How could I possibly lose weight when I hadn't ever been thin? I didn't know what thin WAS.

But slowly....very slowly...she helped me to understand that it WAS possible. That I could do it -- anyone could do it with the right nutritional understanding, perserverence, commitment, consistency, and (most importantly) MINDSET. You have to believe you can do it. You have to tell the negative, self-defeating voice in your head to SHUT UP. And this was probably the hardest thing for me. But as long as you believe in yourself, if you trust the process despite the inevitable set-backs and occasional failures you CAN succeed. And it's easy for me to say that, but unbelievably difficult to put into action.

And the last thing I want to say is something that I wish I could shout from the rooftops: getting fit and healthy CAN change your life. When I complained about my weight in the past, friends would say "being thin won't change your life, Kate. You have to learn to be happy with yourself no matter what size you are." And while that's true on one level, I have to say that (for ME, at least) my life has improved 500% since I started losing weight. Telling my self I COULD do it -- and then seeing progress -- taught me I could do lots of OTHER things, too. I quit teaching, sold my house, and moved to the UK for a year to work on my dream of being a published writer. The old, fat, depressed and self-defeating Kate NEVER would have done that...but the confidence I gained by taking control of my life trickled into other parts of my life. I'm now back in school. I've started a new career that I LOVE. And (the best part) is that some of my writing IS published.

So I guess my (very long-winded ) point is that you have to have faith that all this hard work will not only pay off in weight loss, but it has the serious potential to change your life entirely. I have a confidence now that I haven't had since I was 16. I'm living two dreams simultaneously -- my writing career is (slowly) taking off, and I work with animals. I'm not a different person; I'm the "real" me now. And then there's the "superficial" stuff. I'm wearing size 8 jeans. I feel GOOD everytime I'm out in public. I'm happier, more relaxed, and more willing to interact with other people. I take risks now -- I do things I always wanted to do but never did because I told myself "I'm too fat" or "that takes too much effort," etc.

If there is one thing I want to tell EVERYONE, it's that all the work and struggle and frustration is absolutely, positively, without a single doubt, WORTH IT.

Tell yourself you can do it, and you can.

Alright, well you 2 bought tears to my eyes this morning...makes for a very blurry computer screen!

Im going to go ponder what you have said and come back later.

Thanks so much ladies

WOW! I just sort of happened to dig into a thread with an interesting title! I lurk when LovesBassets/Kate speaks!

What powerful posts! Thank you for asking your question, Robin! You were right! I know that I needed to read this! I've always said that my weight was all in my head! 100%!

Thank you Kate and Mousie for some very powerful and insightful information and things to think and figure out! I've also printed these out! Your words have made a difference! Thanks!

Take care,
Robyn/Hatterasmermaid

Kate another impressive post!

On a similar note I learned something at kickboxing this weekend. That I have a mental block over a back kick. I get off balance and I laugh and I try again and fall over and laugh, repeat ad infinitum! My teacher told me I was setting myself up for failure if I was going to laugh at myself every time. So I was told not to laugh. I did a back kick without laughing, and without falling over and they were the best back kicks I've ever done.

So to echo Kate and to add my two penn'orth, if you set yourself up for failure (my being ready to laugh at myself for doing crappy back kicks) then, yes you will fail. If you scrap the negative thoughts, then you set yourself up for success. The mind is a powerful thing people! And on my run today, instead of thinking "Gosh! 25 minutes - I'll never make it!" I thought, "Do as much as you can, you might surprise yourself." And I did. I ran my 25 minutes and had enough energy left to go fast for the last minute!

My thinking from now on is: I CAN do this!

This is the kind of thing that I needed to keep me going. So thankyou once again. Its nice to know Im not the only one that fights mentally with the weight issue.

Robin

What an awesome thread! Robin I am doing Atkins as well.
I feel great, kate is right the carbs made me want to sleep all day!
Also, I am drinking a lot more water and that is giving me more energy.
Thanks for this thread, it is just what I needed.
I am off to bed to ponder what was written here!
Jen

WOW. How moving all of you!! As I was reading, I was shaking my head going yup, I hear you and understand what you are saying. Thanks for sharing. It's things like this that really make me think about life and where I want to be and need to be. THANK YOU!!

Wow....if you ( Lovesbassetts) were in an auditorium, speaking on your experiences, you'd get a twenty minute standing ovation, and many of us coming up to you and saying that we feel understood.

I think weight loss/gain is very mental, like your trainer said,a "why" thing. It's nice to know that since I don't really get it yet, but am working on it, doesn't make me a bad person or a failure, it's a matter of learning and moving on.

The whole idea of food as fuel and such is something we've all heard, but for me, hearing it from someone with the same hang ups as me, and a 'real person', not someone who was always thin..it makes it much more something I can do, too.

Positive attitude is huge, and I have to remind myself of that daily. It's good to learn from your mistakes, but to dwell on them isn't healthy. THe advice on these boards is much better when not seen through the blinders of negativity.

I made a mistake on a pair of glasses for a patient, when I apologized to him, he said, " You don't walk on water, and neither do I", and it's true. We're no better/no worse than anyone else. Instead of thinking that someone is a better 'dieter' than we are because they got it, learn from them..our time will come.

I know that there is a 3FC book coming out, but I think we could also just print most of these posts out and have a darn good one, too...thing is, do we put it in the weight loss/health section, the self help section, or the inspirational section...

I really like that so much of this advice, although brought about because of our common goal of health and weight loss, can apply to so many things in life...

thanks to all of you.

2Frus, I LOVE your kickboxing story!! It's SO true, isn't it? It never ceases to amaze me how powerful our thoughts are! And the biggest problem, I think, is that so many of us have had the nasty habit of being our own worst critic for DECADES. And that is a hard habit to break -- big time.

LOL, alteon...my public speaking days are OVER. I taught for too many years, and now I NEVER want to get up in front of a crowd again! Especially a crowd of adults...LOL...very scary...I'd probably throw up.

Thanks Kate for answering Robin's questions, and Robin for asking! You were so right - lots of us out there need to know the answers.

All of your posts is my life story.
I have been overweight all my life. I was very active with cheerleading and volleyball but I LOVED and LOVE to eat so I really "maintained" the weight. Once I got to college and all of the activities disappeared, more weight piled on and now I was flabby! I knew exactly what to do to lose weight and I would lose 20 pounds easy; but then I would gain it right back.

I looked at my life as an adult and realized that I am getting older and my body does not function the way it use to. I can't lose 20 pounds easy anymore - it's hard work.

I use to tell myself that drinking lemonade and Hawaiian Punch all day was ok because it was liquid. But when I looked at the calories - I was drinking over 600 calories per day in addition to 3 meals and a snack! OMG what was I thinking.

Now my thought process is changing and I am making healthier decisions about food. But there is still that little demon on my shoulder saying "You are suppose to be fat. Your family is fat, so eat the cookies and chips." I am realizing that there are friends who tell me, "It's ok, eat that donut" because they are overweight and maybe they don't want to see me succeed.

I have come to realize that I am the demon and I sabatoge my own diet because I am afraid to be thinner, I am afraid of what I will look and feel like. I am afraid of people treating me differently. I guess overall for some reason I am afraid to change.

I am slowly but surely working on this issues but I am glad that I had the opportunity to share this with this group and to see that other people are afraid too and eventually the fear goes away!