I ask this only because this has been a feeling of mine for years and years - and no one can understand me. I am not sure what my fear stems from other than, strangely, the fear of being looked at? The fear of being attractive to the opposite sex. I guess being overweight has been that comfort for me. I have never been thin. As long as I can remember I have always been the fattest one in class... the chubbiest girl in the group, etc. I have no idea what it means to be thin or what I can possibly look like.

Now all of a sudden I'm not afraid anymore, but it has taken me a long time to be okay with this.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Have there been incidents in your past that have caused you to think this way? Just curious.

I think this is a common feeling (based on other threads on this board). I can't figure out why I've been afraid, but I've felt that too. I've also been really lazy in the past, so hard to see how much of a role that played...

I also think that this is a very common feeling. When we overeat and become lazy about exercise or activity, we tend to hide our feelings in that self indulgent comfort zone. The more we have to lose, the more frightening it becomes, in part because of a fear of failure. But what is worse..the fear of failure or the fear of deteriorating health. That is the reality check we all have to face. I choose health!

I don't know... for me, the fear of being this healthy more pleasing-to-the-eye person is actually more frightening to me, than the fear of failure or deteriorating health. I think that sounds warped, but it's my truth.

Maybe I need therapy.

For years I was also afraid of being thin, you a re definitely not alone there... I'm not bragging but when I am thin, I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex ... But now in a thinner me I also feel more confident and for some reason the looks don't bother me because I also know I will not act on the passes and looks, I have an excellent relationship with DH so I will smile, walk away and just feel good about it. Fear of deterioration in health is also a factor but if it were the only factor, I wouldn't dress nice, wear makeup, do my hair, because you can be healthy without good hair or nice clothes ...

My fear isn't so much of being thin as it is of getting to my goal weight and not feeling any different, or looking worse than I do now. Honestly, I don't think that will be the case, but somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder sometimes...does it really make that big a difference? I've always been on the heavy side (although realistically, when I was younger, I was only 10-15 lbs over weight,not 80), so it's hard for me to know how I'm going to feel as a grown woman with a healthy, sexy bod.

When I decided to lose weight this time, I wrote reams of stuff in my journal (on paper not on the net!) about my fears and the obstacles in my way. I went through two traumatic events in my life where I feel the weight piled on. The first traumatic event happened as a child. The next as an adult.

I was terrified that as I got slimmer I would feel vulnerable. So I started weight training. Small now no longer equals vulnerable. I'll be stronger as a slim person than I ever was as a fat person.

And FL_Chickie, I was also worried I wouldn't feel any different at goal. I am only half way (only.....silly choice of word on my behalf there LOL) but already I fell (and look) like a different person. Losing weight has been a great journey for me, and I am already planning how to maintain, and things to look forward to. More than my health, I never want to lose my fitness.

Ilene, you getting male attention comes as no suprise, you foxy looking lady you!!!!

I definitely agree that one of the things that has kept me fat was fear. Mainly I think it is fear that being fat is not what is keeping me from truly being happy. If I always have fat to blame then I never have to look at the real reasons why something goes wrong or something bothers me.

That's a great point. For some of us, I guess it is scary to actually "be in control" of our lives.

That's part of my biggest fear as well. What if I get to my goal and it isn't enough? What if I work and work, but still see no difference with myself? Already my husband and mother are telling me that I'm thinner, but every day I see myself differently. Yesterday, I looked at my legs and was disgusted with them - I saw short, muscley blobs. Today, I woke up and saw long, lean sexy legs. Is this screwed up self image going to continue even after I lose the weight?

At least when I'm fat, I know where I stand with myself.

Oh yes, being thin was "unknown" and therefore scary. I've always been the clever one rather than the thin one, and I was particularly scared that having a body to be proud of would detract from that. In a perverse sort of way I liked being fat because I could attribute everything I achieved to my brainpower and intelligence rather than being subject to accusations of being favoured because I was pretty. And if I didn't succeed I could blame it on my fatness.

Also, I have absolutely no interest in sex, whatsoever (or I haven't had to date, and while that may change in the future, 27 years seems to be sufficient to form a general rule). I absolutely hated the thought of unwarranted male attention, not least the thought that "it's always the pretty girls who get raped and murdered". I have no evidence for that assertion, but I felt like being fat protected me, that no-one would ever get any pleasure from hurting me, and I was safe.

I was also worried that losing weight might change who I was, and that I'd become a person I didn't want to be.

But the truth is that I'm the same person I've ever been. I'm fitter, and healthier, and thinner. I have different interests and enjoy going to to the gym and exercising. But nothing's really changed. I'm still in control of my own life (even more so really), and the only changes have been for the better, like having more self-confidence.

Until you try it, you will never know whether your fears are justified. And if you pass up the opportunity now you may be kicking yourself in the future for giving in so easily to your fears.

I feel very much the same way. I have been fat all my life and my weight has been my excuse, feeble as it may be for my failings. I know that my life will not become "perfect" once I reach my goal weight. But, I will have to stop using my size as my excuse for why anything is wrong in my life. I hope this makes sense. I know what I am trying to say but am having a hard time getting the words out.

Altari-

I seriously blame society for toying with our heads like this. I truly think (for me) any boyfriend I have had, and now my DH, have played a big role.

My ex-boyfriend before my husband, used to think I was sexy. No matter what I weighed (and I was still heavy). He told me all the time and actions speak louder than words -- he proved he was attracted to me. We had a fantastic er sexlife. I felt sexy, I felt desirable and I had confidence.

Then I met my husband who hasn't been overly excited about my body. He loves me and thinks I am "attractive" but I don't get the feeling that he thinks I am desirable. That makes me very sad. If he felt differently, maybe I would feel differently too. Right now I am so completely disgusted and just want to fix it once and for all.

I think that media is getting better - we see a little more acceptance of larger frames out there.. and while the skinnies exist, there is at least an awareness of curves which never used to be out there. I think like anything we will have good days and not-so-good ones.

Hi. I can understand this fear. I think for a long time I sabotaged myself for this reason. I have a sister who lost weight and then left her husband for another man so that just added to my fear. I love my husband and couldn't imagine life without him, but part of me fears that losing weight will make me more attractive to other men so my fat has been a sort of security blanket I guess. But now, my health is in jeopardy and I want to healthy and look good for me. I am not afraid of losing weight anymore because the only Man who will really benefit will be my husband...no one else.