Hi everyone!

I started dieting on March 10 of this year. To date I have lost 129 pounds. I want to lose about 9 more to reach a weight that according to all the BMI's puts me in the "healthy" range. Right now everyone who sees me keeps telling me I can stop now, that if I lose anymore I will "blow away" and comments such as these. When I look in the mirror I look thin to me, I have flab in the belly area, underarms and thighs, but overall I look much much thinner (and much older as well).

During these 9 months I have not cheated once. I stayed on plan and worked out like a dog. I skipped birthday cake celebrations and Thanksgiving overeating and now Christmas snacking. I have stayed on course through it all. My resolve has been unrelenting.

The thing that has kept me going is the thought that once I loose the weight I can eat like a normal person. I can once again eat the things I loved from before (chocolate, ice cream, cheese and Chinese Food) and not have to restrict myself.

But now as I get close to "the end" I am getting scared. I still am that person I was when I started in the 300's. I still have moments when I think I could open a gallon of ice cream and eat it till it's gone. I still have feelings like I could lose control in a heartbeat and end up face down in a plate of something cheesy and fattening and full of butter. I am but a breath away from being that person again, 312 pounds and feeling full of self loathing.

So now I have to think about maintaining. And honestly I am scared to death. I desperately want to be able to eat like those people I see who go out and pig out and never gain an ounce, but I know thats not me. I am addicted to the scale (I weigh in every morning). I am obsessive beyond words when it comes to what I put in my mouth. I couldn't even take a bite of something offered to me at a recent Christmas party. My friend handed me a small bite (and I mean SMALL) of some sort of appetizer and said "Here have a taste of this" and I couldn't. I drank ice water all night cause there wasn't any "safe" foods there for me to have (Not a raw veggie one!).

So in looking ahead I see more of the same. I fear I will never have a healthy relationship with food. I fear I am either an overeater or an over-obsessor when it comes to food. I fear that there will never be a happy medium and that I am forever going to have to fight this battle.

I guess what I need to know from those of you who have been there is, does it ever change? Can we ever have a healthy relationship with food? Will I one day be able to have that moment of indulgence and still be able to get back on track and not head face first into a chocolatey binge? Or am I forever doomed to be counting every calorie and forgoing every little bite offered in order to not go back to where I came from?

I think the prospect of maintaining is much scarier then when I sat there in March and had the year of fat loss ahead of me. At least when I was dieting I had the loss to comfort and motivate me and keep me honest. Now all I will have is my own will to stay the same. I hope I have the strength.

Any advise you can pass my way to help me start this next journey would be most appreciated.

Kerry

Hate to say it, but when you are done you CANNOT eat like a normal person - those of us who get fat just aren't like the 'pig out and not gain an ounce' people. That's not to say you can never eat anything fun again!

I did my dieting differently - some may disagree but it worked for me. I 'dieted' 6 days a week and let myself indulge one day a week. As time went on I really didn't indulge all that much, but the option was still there if I needed it. I still do it this way, however my week is more generous in calories so my 'free day' is less excessive. Another way to do it would be to allow yourself a certain amount of fun food - maybe two free meals a week.

When you are at goal, I'd try ramping up calories slowly, maybe in a zigzag pattern. Obsessing over food may mean you are eating too little - you'd be surprised, but at least for me the obsessions went away when I was eating enough to fuel my body and I did NOT gain the weight back!

Maintaining weight is a lifelong process - the reason why so many diets fail is because it's a 'diet' not a lifestyle. You need to find a way of eating that works for you and is a lifestyle change and you'll be able to maintain that stellar loss!

(btw, I look older too when I'm thinner. I wish I was one of those that looks younger! )

Hi Kerry,
I don't think the future is all that bleak, and you WILL be able to eat like a "normal" person. What you won't be able to do is eat the way you used to do (if you are like me): AYCE all of the time.

I don't think a maintainance calorie level will be that much of a burden, it should seem like a lot of food after all the severe dieting you have done to reach this point.

A good friend of mine lost over 100# and has kept it off for more than 15 years. He eats like a "normal" person but he does keep track of his weight and writes down (but doesn't count calories) what he eats every day to make himself aware of his food choices.

I've actually been considering the whole prospect of "eating normally" during the process of losing and I've come to the conclusion that my perception of how the people around me without weight issues normally eat is very skewed.

I was jealous at the thought of people who could eat anything and not gain weight. Now that I've spent some time observing them in their natural habitat (in an effort to try and emulate people without a food obsession) I've noticed that they really don't eat the way I fantasize they do.. They may have a large meal but then not eat anything the rest of the day, not giving a second thought to food. Or they may graze the entire day and never actually eat a complete meal.

A woman I worked with, who in my opinion had the healtiest habits, really ate no different than I eat now. She totally allowed herself little splurges but she really controlled her portions. If someone brought in cookies to work, she'd take one to her desk and enjoy it and that was it. If we had a buffet or something she'd have small portions of everything and the next day it was back to business as usual.

What I have also found useful is to practice little splurges in a controlled manner (like not bringing food into the house before I know how I'll behave with it around). In addition to practicing how to deal with foods I need to limit, it's also allowed me to learn which foods are likely to set me off. (No corn chips in the house for this girl but I can keep a Dove Chocolate bar in my purse for months without giving it much thought.) I just started small, a single serving portion of chocolate or a trip to the sub shop where I knew there would be healthy options. I'm very big on restaurants that serve on assembly line (like Qdoba) so that I have a little more control over what goes into my meal. And I've also been practicing throwing food away so that if there is something tempting around I won't hesitate to just toss it out.

This is what I've found works for me personally. I hope it helps.

Thanks everyone for the words of wisdom. I guess I just need to learn that I have more control then I have allowed myself to believe I have. And my issues with food will always be there, I just have to learn to work around them.

Tommorow I go to my Mom's for dinner. Last week she said "you ARE going to have pumpkin pie aren't you?" and "I'm making macaroni and cheese, I know it's your favorite and you ARE gonna allow yourself to have some on Christmas aren't you?". To trully understand my distress you would have to hear her tone when she says it, it's sort of a mocking kind of sarcastic tone that just rubs me to the bone (can we say mother issues?).

Now this is a woman who has spent my entire life telling me how terrible I eat and telling me I was way to fat, and that if I kept up like I was I wouldn't live to see 40 (HA! Made it to 42, that messed up her prophecy didn't it?). And now she is trying to get me to eat foods that she knows are problem foods for me. I just don't get it. Granted, I know I could have a spoonful of mac and cheese or a small sliver of pie and I wouldn't gain a ton, but I really don't want it that much and after eating as clean as I have been for so long, I think all it would manage to do would be make me bloated and gassy for the rest of the day.

So tommorow I will eat the veggies she has (or that I am hoping she has) (I am a vegetarian so turkey won't be an issue) and I will steer clear of the other crap. I have worked to long and hard to mess up now. I won't be guilted into eating her cheesy greasy crap as good as it may look and smell.

Thanks again for the motivating words. Reading your posts makes me feel like there is indeed life after dieting.


I hope everyone here has a happy healthy holiday!
Kerry