Hi all. I've been reading this site and I just love it. It seems like a great group.

I am 11 weeks pregnant and have gained 15 lbs. so far. I weigh 170. I tend to gain a lot while pregnant. I always swear I won't this time--but I always fail. (This is my third baby.)

I'm also depressed but went off my antidepressants at the start of this pregnancy.

I am so alone and I need help.

I was an anorexic from age 11 to age 25 or so. After that, I was (and am) a compulsive overeater. Before my second pregnancy in 2003, I weighed 130. After the baby I went on Zoloft and could not lose weight. So I started this pregnancy a whole lot heavier than last time.

I can't control my bingeing. I binge until I literally hurt. Why do I do it?

I need help...

I don't know what to do.

Unholy_Cow, welcome!

I'm so sorry about all the stuff you're going through. It's great that you've come here... this is a such a wonderfully supportive place to hang out.

You definitely need to take some possession of your life. You need to build your self-confidence, and reach out for help.

Can I make a little suggestion to start with? Would you consider changing your registered name to something more positive? We always suggest that to people who have chosen a name that doesn't fit them. You're not a cow, and you're not unholy, sweetie. You're beautiful, you're a mother, and you must be a fighter, because you're starting to reach out for help. You have a lot of inner strength... you can be the person you want to be, hon.

((Ellis)) I wanted to thank you quick before I head off for bed, overly-full. If you know what I mean. Thank you for your kind words.

The name was a takeoff on the expression "holy cow"--which of course is still a self-slam...morbid humor. I guess the name really is pretty shocking. Maybe I'll change it after a while. I guess this is just how I'm feeling right now. It is just a very, very, very down day where all these realizations have come crashing in at once. Have you ever had a day like that?

I'm also triggering like mad b/c I have a prenatal appointment on Thursday and they're going to weigh me. All this week I've been bingeing, self-sabotaging...I don't know why but I always do that. I was considering asking my doctor for help on Thursday.

I also have a psychiatrist's appointment tomorrow. I was previously on antidepressants but stopped, under his advice, when I discovered I was pregnant. He wants to follow up and see how it's going so that will be that appointment. I think maybe I'll spill to him. I think maybe this is a problem that a few pills won't fix.

I've also been searching this site like crazy and have come up with the names of a few books that look REALLY good. I'm going to see if my library has them.

Thank you so much for your sweet post. It literally brought tears to my eyes. Have a good night.

hey there!
i know what you mean about the pregnancy thing. i just gave birth to my first daughter a year and almost four months ago. i was overweight to begin with, and - as stated in my previous post - i am a binger also. leave it to me that when i got preggers, all i wanted was salad and pineapple! i actually lost weight while pregnant! i just kept saying, "yeah, leave it to me to only crave skinny food when i'm gonna get fat anyway!". well, i delivered the baby after three days of labor (!) and as soon as i was allowed, i was chowing down on the hospitals pudding and jello. never thought hospital food would taste so good. ~sigh~ so much for craving the skinny foods.

anyways. i just wanted to chime in that, yeah, this is hard. i'm right there with ya (erm, not pregnant though). i am thinking of getting a psych appointment, i think maybe you are right. perhaps the pills can't fix this (i've been on 3 different types of antidepressants, and i am STILL a binge eater). and i think YOU are right in that its not about the weight for us. its about the control.

well, since i'm not any further down this dark path than you are, i can't offer you a flashlight. but maybe we can help each other find the way through it. i'm new here, too, but i think this board might be a good place to start! keep in touch, ok?

kindly,
~s

Thanks ((Shaley)). Awesome analogy about being on the path & the flashlight!

I wanted to say hi as well. I am overweight and am now 13 weeks pregnant. I have been so worried about gaining weight now, and how to just maintain, since all of the books and boards I read say overweight mothers-to-be should only gain about 15 pounds, and I've gained 4 in my first trimester alone. I am also already being tested for gestational diabetes.
This is my third child, but it's been a while. I have a 10 year old and a 16 year old from a previous marriage...this is DH's first.
I look forward to meeting you all and good luck in your journey to be a mom/ be healthy.

Lasttime, welcome! Congratulations on your pregnancy. My gosh, you brave girl, you! Our kids are 10 and 16, too, and I can't even imagine having another now. How nice for your DH, though. And I'll bet your children will be thrilled to have a baby in the house.

for the warm welcome... yes, we are excited, and the kids are ecstatic! DS, the 10 yr. old, is hoping it's a boy, since he already has a sister....my daughter is hoping for a sister..lol.
Well, I'm around from time to time if anyone ever wants to chat about anything! Have a wonderful evening all.

I had my third and final baby this past year, and let me tell you that I thought I could eat whatever I wanted when i was pregnant. I am paying for it now. I had gestaitional diabetes while I was pregnant this time, and had to give myself insulin shots 3 times a day and follow a strict diet. it sucked. I developed pre-eclampsia towards the end and had to be induced 2 months early. Luckily, everything is fine and the baby is perfect. Pregnancy is a hard time for a woman, most people think it is a great and wonderfull time, which it is, but also difficult and full of scary feelings, and thoughts. I hope that you can get help from your doctor for your depression and your compulsive eating....it is hard enough when your not pregnant to deal with. Good luck and remember that there are always people here for you who care.