this might be long. so, apologies in advance. here goes.

i eat and eat and eat and eat. it seems i never feel full - you know that, "oh my gosh, i ate too much" feeling people are always talking about? i've never been there. despite the fact that i have, on occasion, eaten entire boxes of cereal in one sitting, or an enormous salad and then ordered a sandwich on the side? my only saving grace is that i pull the bread off the sandwich (only cuz i don't like bread.) What is wrong with me?!?!?!

now, to my credit, i don't do this all the time. sitting here now, i notice that i do it when i am alone. for example, my sister came and picked up the baby. my husband is at work. i sat down and ate an entire box of kashi mighty bites. KASHI MIGHTY BITES. my daughter's cereal! how wrong is that?!?!?! and i ate the whole box. by myself. and i feel like i can go in the kitchen and eat something else.

i've tried all the remedies.... drinking huge amounts of water. drinking huge amounts of water with lemon. increasing my dietary fiber (fwiw, i get WAY more than the recommended 25 g a day). the warm beverage. nothing helps.

and the weirdness to all of it is that when i was younger, i was anorexic/bulemic. i used to practically starve myself and whatever i did eat... up it came.

i'm sure that this is some kind of karma or something.

but, what do i do? i am not enormous - yet. i'm on my way. i am 5'4" and 180 pounds and rising. i need to stop this, but i don't know how. i don't know what to do. i'm afraid to go for therapy... the whole stigma thing. yeah, stupid, i know, but i'm so ashamed of myself. i've had a gamut of testing done, everything is healthy for the most part. with the exception of my swinging blood sugar... low, then high and low again. but jeez, is there any wonder my blood sugar is all over the place?

someone please help me. i need the encouragement right now. i need someone to tell me, "ok, here is a good first step. now do it already!" in other words, a swift kick in the backside.

anyone?

sheesh. what a lovely introduction this made. by the way, my name is susanna (or sue or susan or mama or, well, i've been known to answer to the dog's name ) i am 29 years old, married and have one child. life is good. my eating habits are not. help?

kindly,
~S

Hi and welcome Susan!
Please know that you are not alone. The only advice I can give is to try a food journal and make a note of what you eat, anything emotional you fee/don't feel, if you were alon/with family/with friends, etc..
Track your food for at least 2weeks.
At the end of the time of journaling, review what you have written and if you nitce a trend, try to alter your schrdule/plans so that pattern won't repeat.
I notice that I eat bags (and I mean bags) of junk when I am alone, bored and watching tv. If I am around people, sitting ata table, I can focus on what my body telss me and knwo when I feel full. If I am not strict on that, then I cn eat myself sick.

It's possible you're not getting enough protein, and therefore you are still hungry despite eating a lot of other foods. Protein takes longer to metabolize than any other nutrient, so it keeps you satisfied MUCH longer. Carbs and fats are metabolized and absorbed fairly quickly, so eating meals heavy in carbs and fats can leave you feeling hungry again in 30 minutes or so. I know this happens to me with things like pizza or chips. "Back in the day," I'd could eat an entire large pizza by myself and be hungry just an hour or so later.

You could try adding some protein to every meal (and snacking on protein-rich foods, too). I find that things like low-fat string cheese, cottage cheese, nuts, and even just a glass of milk really fill me up between meals. You may find that making sure your meals include some kind of protein may help you. Examples might be: a boiled egg with your breakfast, a tuna sandwhich for lunch, and then some kind of meat with your dinner (if you're a vegetarian, there are some great meat-free options like Boca Burgers and Quorn).

Shaley - welcome to the forum. We've all been to that place where you are right now and are working to get things under control. Anorexia, bulemia, binge overeating are all part of the same continuum. I was bulemic when I was in my 20s (there was no name for it then -- I didn't even know it was a problem), now I'm an overeater. You've got some good advice already. Keep a food diary and record your feelings. See if you can find something to substitute for the food you are using to squelch feelings or fill the holes. Also,Lovesbassets is right about the protein. I could easily eat a whole box of cereal too -- or a dozen donuts in one sitting. There is something about carbs that keeps calling out more - more and never giving satisfaction. There are some books by Geneen Roth that address the bingeing problems. You might find them at the libary ("Feeding the Hungry Heart," "When Food is Love") And keep posting here. There is lots of understanding.

Susan, welcome!

The other girls have offered you some wonderful advice. Food journaling may seem like a drag, but it's the BEST way of actually "seeing" what you're eating throughout the day. The calories add up fast!

I understand the shame, but if you can afford the therapy (or a nutritionalist?), go for it. Don't look back years from now and say, "If only I'd done this years ago." The shame falls pretty fast when the healing begins.

Just the fact that you came to 3FatChicks to tell your story is a big first step. We can all relate to what you're talking about, and those here with success stories will tell you that it just takes hard work to get that weight off... plain and simple.

I hope you hang around for getting and giving support... this is a wonderful forum with great people. Sending you hugs...

thanks guys.

wow. i re-read what i wrote, and i am afraid i sounded pathetic.

i hear what you are saying about the protein. i'm just scared, because like i said... when i get like this, i can eat and eat and eat and it seems nothing satisfies me. even protein. i looooooooove cheese. i can't keep it in the house because i can eat a whole brick. in fact, as repulsive as my husband finds it, i love to eat grated parmesan off of a spoon. and the weirdest thing is, i don't think i've ever noticed an actual feeling while doing this. you know, i just don't feel anything - i don't feel lonely or abandoned or even bored (i can eat and clean/pay bills/read/do a puzzle at the same time) at least, i don't think i do. i'm scared of trying to do the journal and not coming up with anything. i'm afraid i'm going to find that i'm emotionless. or what if i'm really just lying to myself and i really do feel all those things? and if i'm lying to myself, how do i drag the truth out of... myself? why is the sky blue? why is it called a driveway when you park on it? what is the meaning of life?

ok, so first order of business is to keep a journal. for at least two weeks. that i can do.

now. does anyone have any good recommendations for good, easy to understand nutrition books/plans? something i can read that can help me to figure out what to eat, how much to eat, what is normal and what is not? obviously, portions are a big problem for me and what i am eating now is NOT normal by any stretch of the imagination. but i am willing to start weighing out my food, counting out my snacks, changing my whole life. but i am a nutrition dork. i mean, my way of maintaining my weight for most of my life involved eating anything i wanted so long as i got rid of it fast enough. now, i have a daughter and the anorexia/bulemia thing is totally not acceptable. but... neither is this. i want to be a good example for my little girl. i want her to grow up with a healthy body image and a good handle on her diet. not like me. my body image stinks. even when i wore a size 0, i thought i looked fat. so, i guess therein lies some of my problems.

hmmmm. i guess perhaps therapy will be on my "to do" list soon enough. i have to fix myself. for my sake AND for my daughters.

again, thanks to everyone for listening. any suggestions would, of course, be more than welcome. and sorry for being such a downer....

kindly,
~s

You are not being a downer! We are all here to support each other and to gain support! You are in the right place!

I would recommend Weight Watchers to get a handle on what a normal amount to eat should be. It gives you flexibility to fit in what you like within your points range.

As for cheese, have you tried the 2% slices? Not as good as a block of the real stuff, but not bad at all! Lots of calcium!

Susan, it's not karma. (from your first post) The fact is that anorexia, bullemia and compulsive overeating are all part of the same disease. I'm the same as you. I was anorexic and now I eat everything that isn't pinned down (and a few things that are). You're so not alone. We think this is all about weight but really it isn't. If we were thinner, we wouldn't feel better. If we were fatter, we wouldn't feel better. It isn't about actual weight or actual food. It's about some semblance of control and a way of self-medicating with the food. That's why "diets" don't work for a binge eater or compulsive overeater. It isn't that we're so stupid that we need somebody to count our calories for us. That just isn't the point at all. It's something a whole lot deeper than that.

I keep hearing about certain books, like "When Food Is Love"...have you read any of those? I'm going to the library tonight and I'm going to see if I can find that one. I'll let you know how it is. Hang in there.