I thought I would start out the monthly chat with a look at where I was last year at this time.

I was 205lbs, which was down 39lbs from where I had started. I was worried about the holiday season, but determined to pull through it without ruining my new lifestyle. My mother and father were both in intensive care during the month of November last year. At only 54 and 58 years old that was very unexpected. What they went through last year was part of the reason I managed to stick to my plan. Even though I was highly stressed with the illness and the holidays I did not want to put my daughter through what I was going through. The only way to do that in my eyes, was to become healthier.

So here I am, this year I am training for a 1/2 marathon in memory of my dad (he passed in January), I am 158lbs, down 86lbs from where I started.

Good luck, girls. Let's make this a great month!

Okay, well I am just going to keep posting all by myself! So there!

I have a book called The Thin Books by Jeane Eddy Westin, it is Daily Strategies & Meditations for Fat-Free, Guilt-Free, Binge-Free Living. I thought I would share today's entry.

November 2nd - Junk Thinking

Most overweight people feel they aren't worth the effort it takes to lose weight. That's why their diets often fail and they regain any weight they've lost. Then they push away others' affection, thinking, "If people love me, they must be losers." This destroys their self-image and possibility for success.

Take the self-hate out of weight loss. You are learning that your feelings are only a starting point. They must be foiled by commitment to action. Only time and plain hard work bring about change.

Use your action skills to put more self-asteem into your self-image. If others love you, they must be winners.

Today, realize that rejecting others because you thought yourself unworthy was junk thinking.

Today's Action Plan: I will remember that I am worthy of good things. I will use my action skills today.

I'm here, Melissa!

I had a great day yesterday. Got on the treadmill for the first time since I developed Bronchitis (I've still got it, btw), and I managed to run for 5 minutes straight!! It made me feel great... I'd only planned on trying for a minute, but I was able to keep going until my lungs collapsed.

Melissa - your posting from the "Junk Thinking" is very interesting. I know that I am guilty of rejecting others because I am unhappy with my own self-image. It drives my husband nuts, and unfortunately, when I am in that mind-set, there is nothing he can say to me that I will take positively. I tell him horrible things like, he is only intimate with me because he wants sex, not because he is attracted to me, or that he is flat out lying to me when he says I look good. Part of this is because he has always dated tall, thin women, and when we first met I was short (well, i'm still short ) and 170 pounds. I am convinced that had I not been 135 when we started dating, he would never have gone out with me, and that I am somehow cheating our marriage by being heavier now than when we were married. So, I definitely need to think about my attitude toward myself.

Ellis - way to go on the treadmill! Hopefully by tomorrow I will join you all back on the exercise thread.

Hi, all. Melissa, "junk thinking" is something I've battled all my life. But it just doesn't go away. It's the old "I wouldn't join any club that would have me syndrome." Unfortunately, there's a lot of condemnation in the media, etc. of fat people so it gets reinforced constantly.
Ellis - sorry about the bronchitis. I used to get it like that too. Haven't had it for a few years (knock wood!). Be careful with exercising wile you have it though, it could aggravate your condition.
I'm doing okay. I'm down another 4 lbs this week, despite having cheated a little over the weekend. I'm going to have to watch that. It's so easy to sabotage myself.

Hi ladies,

I'm not really sure if I do "junk thinking". I don't feel like I have a low self esteem. When I start binging I feel like I'm just on autopilot. Since I'm in school, I tend to binge eat more because I feel like I "deserve" to eat junk food because I'm so disciplined with doing my homework. I look at it like my reward for being a good student. I'm working on changing my mindset about looking at food as a reward. OH and I'm so proud to say that I haven't had one single piece of my daughter's Halloween candy. I think this is a first!

I'm glad you guys liked that post. I really feel the big difference this time with my weight loss is looking at why I became obese. I'm not just changing my eating, I am changing my life.

I'm off work today for the circus! We are taking my 3 year old.

I weighed in today at 157, which matches my lowest weight ever. I was really hoping for 156 because I wanted to be lower than my lowest weight ever, but I'll take it. After my anniversary and traveling to visit my sister a loss is great, whatever it is.

Have a great weekend all!

Wazzu - good going on the halloween candy. One little step at a time. Binges are like speeding trains. It's awfully hard to get off them.
Melissa - hope you are your 3-year old enjoyed the circus. The scale will move lower soon. You've been working hard.
I haven't really changed my attitude enough yet. I still want to cheat and did this weekend. Saturday night I ate some cheese, salmon, asparagus and wine. Not really awful but not on my program. Then I gave myself a bad night by getting overcaffienated during the day. Couldn't sleep.
Sunday I went to a long running show (comedy review) that was a preview of what Prince Charles and Camilla were seeing later. Then stood for 31/2 hours just to catch a glimpse of them! I did, very briefly. Unfortunately the location was just around the corner from my favorite pasta restaurant and ...yes, I succumbed. Although instead of ordering the dinner with the cream sauce and sausage, I ordered the healthy chicken and ended up eating the chicken and vegs and leaving most of the pasta. So I guess some of the lifestyle change has rubbed off. I'm tired today because my bad neighbor came home at 3:30 a.m. and banged around. Grr. So when I'm extra tired I want to eat but I have to weigh in tomorrow night so I'll have to stay on the straight and narrow and hope that I haven't gained anything. It's getting more difficult for me to stay on the program - not because I'm always hungry, which I'm not, but for emotional reasons. It's the time of year, too.
Hope everyone is having a good week.

Rosetta, I hear ya about it being that time of year. I'm getting extremely nervous for the holidays because the food is soooo yummy and my family constantly tells me, "Oh eat eat eat...a little of this won't hurt you." There seems to be sooo much pressure to eat A LOT at family gatherings. If you say no they feel insulted...

I think what you did at the restaurant by leaving the pasta was great. I think that so much of the key to weight loss is portion control. If you are in a situation where your choices are limited than even if you have just a little bit of the food, it won't kill your diet. I think you did great!

I found myself wanting to turn to food tonight, I was diagnosed with OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) this past Summer and I think I need to increase my medication a bit because I can feel the symptoms coming back just slightly. Food is one of the things that helps soothe me a little when I start getting really anxious. I held my ground and told myself not to turn to food but instead to write out whatever is bothering me. I told myself to find another comfort besides food. Well, I'm gettin' tired. Gonna go for now.

Keep up the good work everyone!

Wazzu - thanks for the good words. However, I really didn't do that well because I'm supposed to be on a fast and not eating anything but the prescribed supplements. I paid the price by not losing anything this week. But at least I didn't gain.
Sorry about the OCD. It must be difficult to manage. But you're doing well with writing it down instead of turning to food. Food is soothing in lots of instances, which is what gets us into trouble. Maybe you could try exercising to work off some of that nervous energy.
Melissa, Ellis, where are you?

Rosetta,

Exercising does help and I make it a point to do some form of exercise at least 3 times per week but it doesn't quite eliminate it completely so I tend to still look for comfort. I'm going to talk to my doctor today about increasing my dosage, so I should start feeling 100% again real soon.

I didn't realize that you were fasting when you ate the pasta -- oops Ya know, at least you didn't gain anything, that's what I always say! I've never done a fast before. For some reason, I'm not sure I could go that long without food, I'd probably get real grumpy. Do you drink liquids or how exactly does your fast work?

[QUOTE=FishWoman]Melissa - your posting from the "Junk Thinking" is very interesting. I know that I am guilty of rejecting others because I am unhappy with my own self-image. It drives my husband nuts, and unfortunately, when I am in that mind-set, there is nothing he can say to me that I will take positively. I tell him horrible things like, he is only intimate with me because he wants sex, not because he is attracted to me, or that he is flat out lying to me when he says I look good. Part of this is because he has always dated tall, thin women, and when we first met I was short (well, i'm still short ) and 170 pounds. I am convinced that had I not been 135 when we started dating, he would never have gone out with me, and that I am somehow cheating our marriage by being heavier now than when we were married. So, I definitely need to think about my attitude toward myself.




FishWoman, I felt like I just wrote this myself! I have the same issue as you...I met my husband at a gym when I was 19 years old and weighed 132lbs (I'm 5ft 3in)...we both worked out ALOT back then! I'm 38 now and weigh a whopping 238.5lbs!!! I think to myself, how can he still want to be intimate with me? Is he really that desperate to have sex? Why is he lying to me, telling me I'm sexy? GIVE ME A BREAK! When I say these things to him, it makes him crazy...he feels that by him telling/showing me how much he loves me, that all these bad images I have of myself should just go away. I love him for trying to make me feel better and for showing me that he loves me regardless of my weight...but it still doesn't change how I feel about myself.

The question I need to have answered is, although I do love myself, as I would never let anyone else harm me or do me wrong, why is it that I allow myself to do me wrong? Hopefully I will find the answer in this long journey ahead of me.

Good luck to you all!!!

Fran

Hi, Cappy. Welcome to the thread. It's hard to accept ourselves sometimes but we have to learn to. Maybe you could start by just taking whatever nice things your hubby says to you at face value and act like you are entitled to be told those things. Then just go on with your weight loss plans as part of your new positive attitude about yourself. Keep posting.

Wazzu - I'm on a medically supervised fast which calls for 500 cals. a day of special supplements -- mostly shakes, some soups and scrambled egg product (mostly egg whites). I cheat a little by using milk and sugar in my tea and eating one small apple a day. I've lost 50 lbs since August 10. I go to the clinic for a weigh-in and see a doctor then go to an hour meeting with a behaviorist who lectures us on weight loss topics and staying on the fast. I've gone off of it a couple of times. Lately my commitment has weakened because I'm extra tired and well -- it's Fall. I',m rarely hungry on this fast but I always want to eat -- because I'm tired and because I want to emotionally.
I hope you are able to get your medication adjusted and find another way to soothe your nerves. Are you artistic? Are there any crafts you would enjoy to keep you busy?

Melissa that is a good year your really made some headway! I hope to be saying the same myself this time next year!

Girls, I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've been so terribly busy this week, and I've gained five pounds and am right out of control.
I'm hoping to be able to pull myself together next week.
Sending hugs to all of you...