I fail because I diet. I fail because I limit what I can have.

I went to a personal trainer once who said you need to eat this and that. Then when I came back with my diary of what I ate...it was more you can add this and that. Well unfortunately for all of us who have been obese... we are the experts. We all know what we need to do to lose weight. It may not be in the books written by nutritionist. Its what we need to do in order to lose weight within the limits of our lives.

I know this time what is going to help me succeed is not eating 'special' foods. Not eating things I can't feed my family. I have lost count of the times I tried atkins, or I tried southbeach, the slim fast, the diet pills, the calorie counting, I've done body for life 3 times- and lasted 8 weeks each time. I just get tired of it. It becomes a chore. I slip up once and I want to quit. Then a holiday or celebration comes up and I eat a piece of cake or cookies or something and i hate myself and I quit again. I used to be right at 160 for years without diet. If I did diet I'd be at 140 looking great but struggling. For the past many years my regular weight was 260. When I had my son I was 230 and gained 50 lbs since he was born.

anyway I felt like I was living within my goals of how I was going to lose weight. feel like ww is working for me and I'm excited. I've lost 17lbs slowly. I haven't deprived myself of anything, if I want it I can eat it and I love that.
I have a birthday party this weekend and I'm having cake and I can have that and don't have to say no I'm on a diet.

Three thing do me in, every time:

1. Emotional eating. I have a lot of emotional issues. Some people, when depressed, stop eating. I binge. It's like when I'm depressed, the only 'good thing' in my life is the taste of food. It's so fleeting, so you have to eat a lot to keep the taste and feeling. I could literally eat to the point of feeling stuffed. This is my biggest challenge, beyond a doubt. I can feel McDonald's sucking me in at the end of a long, stressful day, saying "you deserve a treat, how about a double quarter pound with cheese meal, supersized!" I struggle with this one the most, constantly struggling to find other motivators, other sources of fulfillment, other than food.

2. Then there's the "oh god, I've blown it, might as well give up for the day" dilemma. Something goes not as planned. Things snowball. Eating an unhealthy lunch turns into a less healthy, overstuffed dinner. And if day one is blown, might as well continue into the next day. I've obviously failed this attempt at dieting, right? Usually #2 is tightly tied to #1.

3. And finally, I get to a point and plateau and then I just get frustrated. I mean, I'm talking months of plateauing. I'm 5'2". Right now, I'm at 283, my highest ever. I got down to 165 once, which is like my high school weight. Depressingly, that didn't even count as overweight. I was still obese. I was crushed, because it seemed like I couldn't get down below that 165 pound hurdle. I'd make half-hearted attempts for a week or two, but I'd feel like I was starving. Eventually, after a year like this, I gave up. I got it in my head that if I was still considered obese I was a failure, might as well give up, oh well, eat whatever I want, I can't even just be normally overweight. Like if I couldn't meet my goal, I should at least enjoy all the food I wanted.

Anyway. There. My frank assessment of what's made me fail in the past. It sounds a bit depressing but I fully believe that the more I become aware of these issues, the greater my chance for success. I read somewhere that in the Thin For Life book, the people who had maintained for 5, 10, 15 years sometimes did it after years of unsuccessful dieting. So I'm just trying to become more aware of myself, physically and emotionally.

Oh, and things that make me succeed, I know too. Having goals. Not weight goals, per se, but events I'm looking forward to, where I know I'll enjoy them more at -- if not a 'normal' weight or even an 'overweight' weight, a less obese weight. So I have a trip to Asia I want to do in winter 2006. I'd love to get down to under 200 pounds then -- still very big, still obese, possibly still morbidly obese (what a depressing term!), but it's a reasonable but challenging goal. And I know at 200 pounds and exercising, I can still feel great, physically speaking.

We sound very very much alike I can agree with everything you have said!

I too have a goal. I want to get a Stella Scooter. Thats not something I can't do right now but weight wise it'd be more fun shopping for my new scooter weighing alot less!!

I want to goto the amusement park with my family and ride rides with my son. I physically cannot do that! (can't fit the rides anymore)

I am 5'3" and weighed 284 at the start of this attempt.

Good Afternoon,

I am usually a lurker!!! Actually, I am too shy to post. I have posted in the past, in hopes to stay on my fitness/diet program only to QUIT for a reason or another. So, this discussion touched me!

I am currently on WW. I have OVER 100lbs to get to my goal weight. This is my 3rd time on WW!!!

I usually fail on my diets/fitness programs cuz I fail to plan. When I plan my meals in advance, I don't give in to temptations at work. (I work downtown and HAVE to bring my lunch.) Also, planning dinner helps at home! This way I avoid buy fast foods for dinner. Planning helps me to remember healthy snacks in my purse to avoid unhealthy choices when I am out with my son. For example, I had apples and sugar snap peas in my purse when we were at the movies! I also have to plan my workouts.....or else I won't find the time to do it.

When I don't make dinner plans or my lunch in advance....I don't leave myself with options. Then I eat at the BK or Wendy's or AnYTHING that is calling my name!!!! Then I slide down that slippery slide.....and it starts all over again.

This time, I am planning not to FAIL!!

Yvette

I have done this so many times in the past. I do real good for a month or two and then people start noticing how much weight I lost and they compliment me and then I fall off track right after that. I am just like rabidstoat.....I would cheat for lunch and then you turn it into a whole cheat day and then you might as well make it the rest of the week and then you think oh I will get back on track next week.....then another week....pretty soon you gain all the weight back and then some. This time is different for me.....I want to be healthy....this is a new way of eating for me...healthier choices. I feel so much better and I have so much more energy. Losing weight feels too good to get off track. Good luck girls!!

I'm with you, goal. You hit on exactly why I never could do it. I CANNOT successfully diet. The programs are usually too limited & too hard for me to follow long term. I get hungry, start chowing down on all of the things I deprived myself of & quit. So I decided if a food was healthy, I would incorporate it into my menu, watch my portions, and eat when I'm hungry.

On the few days that we do eat out/entertain/have plans, I don't deprive myself then either. I do try to eat smart & make good choices, but I no longer have the mindset that things are "off limits". Now, there ARE things that I refuse to eat but that's my choice and I could eat those things if I really wanted them. Mostly, I won't eat them anymore is because after eating healthy, it really doesn't taste too good, not to mention, I don't want to trigger indigestion or acid reflux. I am NOT going eat things that make me hurt.

The other reason for failure is that I refused to exercise on a consistent basis. I always had the mindset that exercise was too time consuming & too hard. I decided this time that I HAD to do 5-7 times a week from day 1. EVERYONE I personally know who has successfully lost weight was due to regular exercise. I decided if I was really going to make it this time, I HAD to exercise.

I also was checking into having gastric bypass surgery. One of the post surgery requirements from the center here is that you have to exercise 1 hour everyday after surgery (of course, working up to it as you recover). So I thought, well, if I had this surgery, I'd have to exercise then, so I may as well do it now & hopefully save myself from having surgery. I still consider surgery an option, but not until I have really tried the whole program: eating healthy & exercising.

So I promised myself I would exercise everyday unless 1. I was ill or 2. I was sore. I discovered that it isn't hard to make time when you turn off the TV & I don't feel so tired when I exercise regularly so I don't HAVE to veg out in front of the TV. I also don't push myself like I did in the past. I set realistic goals.

I started a week before you & have lost 16 lbs. In the past, I would have given up because it wasn't "enough" weight. But since I don't feel deprived and am not starved, it IS enough weight. I feel like this is sustainable. I don't think that I've ever stayed with it this long AND done this well. I had a few off days last week, but they consisted of overeating healthy foods, not going to every fast food/pizza/Mexican restaurant to scarf down everything I felt I had missed.

At the end of every "diet" I've had an EXCUSE for my failure. Not surprisingly, it was never my fault or my responsibility.

I'd reason that I was an emotional eater and couldn't control myself because of stress, depression, etc. That wasn't true. The fact of the matter was that I didn't get to be 214 pounds by only eating too much when I was stressed. I ate too much ALL OF THE TIME because I LIKED it. Let me say here that I KNOW emotional eating is a REAL issue for many people - but for ME it was an excuse.

Diets failed because taking care of my family made it impossible for me to find time to exercise. THEY wouldn't eat healthy meals so it was just too hard for ME. How sad is it that I blamed my husband and children?

I couldn't lose weight because it wasn't FAIR that other people could eat a lot more than me and remain thin. I DESERVED to be able to eat as much as them. Nevermind that they left A LOT of food on their plates while I practically licked mine clean. Oh, and they were active while I was a couch potato. Still, they had it sooooo much easier than me.



Well, after a tremendous amount of soul searching I FINALLY realized that the reason I've failed in the past was because I didn't WANT to succeed. Oh, sure, I wanted to be healthy and slender but I didn't want to work for it. I wanted to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I wanted to mill around being lazy at home instead of getting out and exercising. And when I would give up I'd be able to convince myself that I was just a little chubby like back in college when I gained my freshman 15. I'd go shopping and tell myself that I didn't make the clothes look bad, the clothes made me look bad. That allowed me to live with what was actually obesity.

Also, procrastination was a big issue for me. I don't think I ever started a diet on any day but Monday. And there was always going to be another Monday. So, if I gave up there was always next week to start again. I NEVER looked at weight loss/healthy living as a lifelong process. Now, every meal, every snack is a chance to get it right.

So, the bottom line is that I've failed in the past because I never wanted it bad enough. I didn't want to take responsibility for what I put in my mouth. I didn't want to compromise. I didn't think I should have to endure the least bit of discomfort. Granted, I do have a compulsive personality and I feel certain that plays a role in how much I enjoy food and contributes to my desire to overindulge. Still, I could have lost weight before if I had WANTED to. I've always known how to lose weight - I just never did it for any length of time.

I can agree with the not wanting to compromise.

I think at first its so hard because you make the changes but you want more results and quick.

I guess this time I was thinking do what you have to to lose weight. And hopefully the eating right will come with it.

I heard on the surgery you have to show 6 months of weight loss attempt. This is it. Maybe I'm setting myself up for failure on purpose? something for me to think about long and hard!

Not realizing that my 'diet' or new 'eating plan' /exercise had to become a lifestyle change and not a 2 month period. Before I learned that I lost the same 25/40 pounds about 5 times over the years.....NOW I finally got it.....

I think that is exactly the reason I have failed in the past too.

Oh boy, is this an excellant thread! There are echoes of things that have affected me in everything that I have posted so far. Gee, what has cause me to fail in the past? Hmmm , let me count the ways.....

Childhood: The notion or idea that I was a big boned (instilled from my mother since birth, not that I am blaming her) and so I would always be heavy. So, what is the point on altering your eating habits if that is the way you are? The fact that portion control was a concept completely foreign at meal times around our house. I come from a long line of clean your plate or you won't get any desert philosophy. To this day, this will always be my challenge having eyes bigger than my belly, so to speak. I think the first diet (it was in the truest since of the term) when I was about 8. My doctor told my mom that I had to lose weight (the amount escapes me now). I lost the weight over the summer (it came off quick as I was always active). However, it piled back on when I left to my own devices. I was never taught a lifestyle. I naively thought that when I lost all the weight, I could back to what my friends were able to eat. After all, I was now thin like them, right. So, failing was due to not understanding in was a lifestyle change. Granted at this point I was only 8 (which is where my parents maybe should have changed the food in the house, but that being said, this is not a blame game).

Teen years to adult years: Again for me, losing weight was never an issue, it was keeping it off that always cause me problem, because again I was never taught that it was a lifestyle change. Plus the fact that I has some built in arrogance that once I could lose the weight I knew it all and I figured I could back to my old eating habits and still stay a size 8. This is the same for every diet I have been ever been on, NutriSystem, Weightwatchers and Jenny Craig, I would come close to goal, figured I could do it on my own, quit and drum roll please, the weight would either creep or sprint back on. I think a part of it as well, as when I was really close to goal, I was getting a lot of attention that I never had before (I think either Linda or Dawynal commented about virgin fat territory in another thread). Having never been that thin before, I think I would use food to "insulate" myself. I could go on forever about that concept.

Adult: Again failure would occur because I mentally could not accept a lifestyle change. As well, being a binge stress eater (which haunted me horribly during university) did not help. To echo Sandi, I wanted to eat what I wanted and when I wanted to. I am embarrasssed to say that I overeat pretty badly sometimes. This combined with the stress triggers (which built up over the last several years that I ballooned to my highest weight ever, 295 ) was a pretty lethal combination.

Again, not to take anything from Sandi's excellant points, I again echo that I did not succeed because I did not want it bad enough. I think part of me resented the fact that I had to watch what I ate every moment of the day. I would be so p'od at friends who would complain about being too fat in their size 2 jeans, where I would be lucky to fit into a size 16 . Preception is everything right? I want it bad enough now (combined with a scare from the doctor). I want to lose weight for all the vain reasons, primarily not having to go to a plus size to buy clothes. I want to lose weight for the health reasons. I do not want to be dead before I am 40. Now that I am older and wiser, I realize that my thin friends were probably watching what they were eating to a certain degree, I just did not want to see it. They were doing enough activity to keep their weight down or having light meals. They were equipped with tools that I did not have, like knowing when you are full for example. I know now that it is a lifestyle change, one that I have to embrace completely to succeed.

I agree with the not wanting it enough thing. I've never tried particularly hard to lose before, and I don't have a series of failed diets behind me. The most I have is a series of good intentions that never get over the starting line, but hey, I can still count them as failures, they didn't lose me any weight

I've thought a lot about what I'm doing right, in an attempt to understand it so that I can keep it up, and I realised that it's all about how much you want it. What you do counts, of course, but if you don't want to do it deep down, you won't. I've got to the stage where this is quite simply top priority in my life. Yes, I'd like a lie in instead of going to the gym sometimes, and I'd like to be able to go out and eat whatever I want. But I know deep down that I want to be thin more, and that knowledge is what keeps me going. If I didn't have that (and I never did before) I wouldn't be able to do this. I'd think about going on a diet, like I used to, but never do it because I wanted to live in the comfort zone of having an "easy" life (in terms of food and exercise at least) more than I wanted to do whatever it takes to be thin.

It's not easy, and sometimes I think I downplay in my head how hard I'm having to work to do this. Vaguely wanting to be thinner wouldn't keep me going. Good intentions wouldn't keep me going. Understanding that I'm finally committed to doing whatever it takes will keep me going, without complaints and without tears, and that's why I'm convinced that this is going to work.

this is me to a T. I could've written it. I find that when I plan my meals—even if it is taking 2 minutes that morning I am more like to stay On plan because I am making the decision ahead of time and not being wishy-washy when it comes meal-time when anything and everything sounds good. welcome to posting Yvette.


Of course this is also me. It truly boils down to how bad do you want to lose weight/be healthy. Some days I want it real bad and will eat very well and exercise. Other days I may eat a couple of reese's PB cups or a huge bowl of ice cream. That day I wanted food more than I wanted to lose weight and be healthy. I've learned to not be upset/guilty/beat myself up over anything I eat.
This morning I had not one but two LIttle Debbie products for breakfast (probably around 700-800 calories) knowing that we would have potluck for lunch and am planning on having indian tacos for dinner. All in all if I were guestimating my calories it would be well over 3000 for the day. I'm not worried about it. What I did instead was plan for tomorrow and Sunday. They will be balanced meals and I will get in my exercise. If I don't lose 1 pound this week and even if I gain I'm okay with it because I made the decision to eat the food I ate and am willing to live with those consequences.

I have failed in the past because being fat was always easier than losing the weight. That changed after I had a c-section 16 months agp and recovery was tough, especially with 3 children. It was brought home this past July when I took a walk/hike with my children and broke my foot -- not from doing anything strenuous -- just from walking. Suddenly, losing the weight seemed like it would be easier than being fat.

This is a very interesting thread!

In my case, it boils down to the fact that every time I dieted in the past (a zillion times, it seems) I always aimed for a very low daily calorie intake (1200 calories or less). I would always lose some weight, but it was soooo hard! I was always thinking about food.

This time, I decided to go for a higher daily intake of 1500 - 1600 and I feel so much better than on the lower amount. My weight loss is slower (about 1.5 pounds a week) but steady. I also don't seem to stall as often.

To make sure I'm not straying too far in my calories, I log everything I eat on Nutridiary. It's very time consuming to record everything, but I feel much more in control this way, so for me, it's time well spent.

I plan my meals ahead as much as possible and make sure to include a healthy treat every day. I eat pretty much the same kinds of foods I always did, but in much smaller portions. I figure if I eat for two, I'll be the size of two people - simple as that!