ok ok,

I know we probably all know this, but like other diseases it may have taken myself 25 years to admit this to myself.

I was driving down somewhere yesterday and I was having a bad day, and I was like "when I get home I am going to watch some tv and eat this healthy choice ice cream" and like hitting a brick wall I really realized that I use food as my reward. Not much else but food (a bit of tv).

I mean I prob somewhat told myself that before, but this time I somehow really told myself that. Since then food really has taken on a different role than before - as I am now really trying to reward myself in other ways.

and the new kitty I have helps too (I don't want her to grow up learning to eat as much as I do - eat like a kitty - until she is satisfied! she doesn't eat all her food at one time - do you have to too bida?)

its a bite by bite process but maybe one day I will get there.

now If i can get over this cold and get back to excersizing and feeling better.

awesome breakthrough...makes me think about when i do that for myself too...not saying food at a reward is always bad, but i bet a lot of us tend to mainly use food as a reward...maybe we need to come up with an idea...like rewarding points or dollars to each time we do really well and each time we have a really bad day (but make it through well!)...then once you have enough you let yourself buy something you want or do something you want...etc

but i also realized its not just a bad day that gets rewarded - almost everything gets rewarded - long day, studying, (usually not excersize right away but prob subconciously - oh like i did 1000 crunches I can eat this extra piece of cheese)!! if only we only had guel to eat, would our lives be easier?

there are too many temptations in life

That's a great breakthrough, Bida! I do the same thing -- oh, I worked late, so I deserve a candy bar, or I'm stressed out, that means it's okay for me to eat ice cream, etc. It's hard to tell yourself "No, you don't DESERVE a treat!"

I also realized fairly recently that I use food as a primary reward and comfort as well. I am trying to break those bad, old habits.