Well, here I am, trying to dig myself out of the hole I fell into over the weekend. Since Thursday night, my diet has been absolutely atrocious! This is primarily because we ate out at restaurants aaaaaall weekend long, and who orders a salad of mostly lettuce when it costs the same as a good burger and fries?

I learned some things about myself this weekend. Some I already knew, some are brand new concepts. I bought reduced-fat peanut butter when I went grocery shopping on Saturday morning. I thought, hey, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is great--with real fruit spread (no sugar added), whole grain bread, and reduced-fat peanut butter, it's got grains, protein, fruit, and the great fats you get from nuts. While my intentions were good, reality hit me like a ton of bricks when, 2 days later, the entire jar of peanut butter was gone. Had I made that many sandwiches? Oh no, certainly not--it went straight from the jar to my mouth by way of spoon! So, lesson #1: I can't even have healthier alternatives of food in my house if it is something I will binge on (I have also been known to binge on low-fat graham crackers).

Lesson #2: I will always have a fat person's mentality. I know a lot of people say that you should be able to eat whatever you want when losing weight, just "in moderation." My problem with that is that I have no concept of moderation. For my entire 23 years of existence, I have eaten as much of my food as I desired. When younger, my parents always made me clear my plate. I still do this, even at restaurants with astronomical portion sizes. Hey, I paid for that food, and it tastes good, so yeah, I'm going to eat it! Well, moderation does NOT mean binging on one or two unhealthy meals and trying to compensate for the rest of the day (or weekend or week or month...). Moderation means eating less of the unhealthier foods, and I realized that I just can't do that. For me with my mildly obsessive-compulsive personality, it's all or nothing. Give me a Super-Size fries, or give me none at all! It's not a game of willpower--I have the willpower to say that I don't want any at all. I have the willpower to drive past the fast-food restaurant and instead go home and eat the healthier foods in my kitchen. I have the willpower to go grocery shopping and NOT buy ice cream (not even just a pint, and not even the low-fat kind!). However, I do not have the, well, sane state of mind to stop eating once I have started until everything before me is gone.

Lesson #3: The things I thought would help me don't. I came here all weekend long and read about other's success and problems and such, as I do almost daily. I love reading other people's stories on here--people who understand what I am going through. I sat at my computer and read and felt inspired--and then we went to Denny's where I got a huge chicken sandwish and fries. ARGH! Why didn't it sink in? Why didn't I carry the stories I'd read beyond the computer chair? I suppose what it is I realized is that this needs to become more of an internal thing--I need to know that I am doing this for ME, not for the friends on 3FC, not for my TOPS club, not for my family, but for ME. I need to remember in every waking moment what my goals are, what I need to do to achieve them, and (most importantly) WHY these goals are important to me. I get such a profound sense of satisfaction every time I stick to my guns and lose some weight and such an overwhelming feeling of guilt and desperation when I don't, so why can't I just be good all the time?! It is in those guilty and desperate moments that I have a lapse in judgement, and I need to get control over such moments! I know, I am only human, and I will falter ocassionally, but I should be able to climb right back up after just one meal or even just one day of bad eating--not 4 consecutive days!

I won't be surprised if no one actually reads this far, as this is getting quite long. I suppose this is more of an emotional dump for me than a post actually asking for advice or replies. I just got so frustrated with myself over the past few days that I needed to step back and clear my head. Now it's time to move on--onward and downward!

Since you mentioned a emotion dump , are you eating out of emotion or just plain bored or because you were invited to go to Dennys?
Because in all Dennys should be a place removed from your list of resturants that you can eat at. I say that because the food makes a ordor that even if you didnt order it you can smell it being cooked and being served.
Unless you have complete knowledge that this is somewhere you can go because you know without a doubt you know you will order only something that is healthy for you than fine.
You need to not put yourself in situations you know you dont have the will power to handle.
We all know what are bad habits are, We know what we will do if something is put in our face.
Dont feel bad but get mad. Because you know what happened was wrong.
I would write that exsperiance down in a journal, write down how you were feeling before and after you ate. You will want to look upon these moments when you start to gain control over yourself.
You will be amazed at what you have come thru.
Also I cant not eat what I want because I know I cant control myself.
So in all I just dont do it. Or I come up with some variations of it that are very healthy.
I was the same way, but I now and have been telling myself. Look I know I cant eat just some or a little, no I will eat it all. I cant not let myself have this or taste this or have it in my home.
Be honest and truthful with yourself. Because you are the only one on the front line at all times and you should be able to know that what you say means business, specially when your telling yourself you cant have that and you shouldnt have that.
Some people can eat just a small amount of something but im not one of those people and I know it. So I just dont have it around at all.
Keep the head up and just adjust to what you have learned.
Its a never changing battle that we either have to adjust what were eating or how were moving.

I do know that I don't eat out of emotion. If I did, man, I'd be a whole lot bigger than I am now! Stress is a common factor in my life--comes with the territory of being young and broke However, I am totally fine all week long. I plan my meals and don't stry from my plan. I pack my food every day and don't add anything to it (no vending machine trips, no fast-food stops, etc.). However, once that weekend rolls around, I have a lot more difficulty in controlling myself no matter whether I am happy, sad, angry, frustrated, hyper, bored, romantic...Well, I guess you could say I am an emotional eater in that I will eat during ANY emotion But seriously, my emotions don't trigger my appetite. I am lucky in that one respect, I suppose.

I cannot remove Denny's from my life. If I removed every restaurant that served unhealthy food, then I would have to remove, well, every restaurant! I just need to learn to control myself. Even small steps. Next time, I can ask if I can get a side salad instead of fries (with a reasonable dressing, of course). and the sandwich I had was grilled chicken, so better than fried, but next time, I can ask for no fried onion straws and no bacon on it. If I order the food without the bad stuff, then it won't be in front of me to tempt me when my plate comes out! Wow, now there's a minor epiphany--if I can control myself during ordering, then I will have better choices. That sems much less daunting than trying to only eat half of my meal or something, you know?

If you find that your blowing things at those types of places to often then you would like then I would rule them out only until you have the will power to be able to order the right stuff.

If you find that you are not a emotional eater are you eating enough. Regular meals and Snacks.
I try to eat every three hours to make sure im not hungry.

Maybe having the waitress bring you a take home box right away, right when your ordering your food so you can put a small portion away for either lunch the next day or even leave it. If the portions are to big.
I have gotten in that habit every where we go.


Maybe planning your weekend meals during the week as well. When I shop I try to plan on what kind of dinner and or lunch that I want to eat and make sure I have it in the house to cook.Or just something extra that I know I can cook if its on sale then that way I can cook that when I havent planned out my meal ahead of time.

The darn food companies make it so much cheaper and easier to eat unhealthy then to eat healthy sort of a bad cycle that helps their pockets.

I'm having the same issues as you, Jill. When my husband says "Let's go out" and I know we're going to Chili's and can look up info ahead of time and order the "Guiltless Grill" I'm good! Because I planned it.

But last week I went out a couple of times to places that do not have menus online. The first was a lunch shindig for work to a Mexican place. Rather than order my usual chimichanga, I ordered the chicken fajitas. We had made them at home recently and they were great! Well, I hadn't planned on how greasy they were (ours at home were SOO much better!). If I had even looked up the fajitas for a chain restaurant ahead of time, I might have seen what I was getting myself into!

So, now I have this greasy food, and I'm really hungry because I didn't have any chips and salsa (the others at the table did). So, I ate it. And, like you, I had a hard time stopping, even though I knew it was bad for me. In the end, it may not have been much better than the chimichanga I avoided. So, before I go back to this restaurant again, I'm going to do some more research...

The second place was tricky. It was a tofu restaurant -- actually a Korean place. I had never been there before, but tofu, right? I thought I ordered well -- tofu and vegetable delight with a small bowl of brown rice on the side! Way to go, me! Well, the food comes and it's 4 large blocks of fried tofu!!! Oh no! Again, I was hungry and ate it all. (That's where my willpower breaks down too -- with the food right in front of me). I felt betrayed or something -- I tried to order something good for me and ... oh well. The waitress would have been no help as she spoke virtually no English.

Ah well. I stayed home for the weekend and learned a lesson: I don't do well when I can't plan ahead. And I DO tend to eat the food put in front of me. I think the idea of putting half the food in a takeout box up front would work when I'm out with my husband, but I am not yet comfortable doing that in front of others, especially colleagues.

Hi Jill {{{hugs}}}

Don't beat yourself up, sweetie. I know it's easy for me to say/write that, and not-so-easy to follow the advice. But you hit on something about yourself in your original post that is ABSOLUTELY key (using purple here cuz I know you like purple):

"I get such a profound sense of satisfaction every time I stick to my guns and lose some weight and such an overwhelming feeling of guilt and desperation when I don't."

READ THAT. Read it again. Done reading? Okay, now PRINT IT OUT. Put it in your wallet. Tape it to your car's review mirror. Laminate it and hang it up in the shower. ANYTHING to remind yourself daily of what you've just written about yourself.

YOU CAN DO THIS, JILL! I know you can. And I'm not "just saying it" because I'm a nice person , I'm saying it because in that ONE SENTENCE, you TOLD me that you can do it. It's in you to do this Jill, you "said so yourself" just not in those exact words.

Be kind to yourself. One or two or four days of "whoopsie" is NOTHING compared to the rest of your life. FORGIVE yourself...most of us are so skilled at criticizing ourselves...but we also need to learn to COMPLIMENT ourselves.

Here's something I want you to do (it's something I used to force upon my 7th grade students when they were putting themselves down). I want you to get a 3 x 5 index card and write your name on it in big, bold (purple )letters. Tomorrow morning, you are to put that index card in your pocket and carry it around with you all day. EVERY time you say or think something that is in any way "Anti-Jill," you need to rip off a small piece of that index card. And then, tomorrow night before you got to bed, take out that index card (if there's any index card left ) and look at it....look at what you "did" to yourself mentally and emotionally in one day. The world is crazy enough with plenty of negativity and judgment; Jill needs to be nice to Jill.

And later this week on Dr. Phil: "3FC's LovesBassets Gets Totally Carried Away & Starts Demanding That Fellow Members Purchase Index Cards." Check your local listings for time and channel...

Thanks so much, guys. I know I have what it takes to do this. Lord knows I have conquered bigger problems than being overweight! I don't know what's gotten into me lately--I am usually very positive and upbeat, running around these pages searching for other sad people to cheer up I guess everyone gets their down times, though, and I certainly had one yesterday.

Better news: I'm back in the swing of things. I had an egg white omelette w/salsa for breakfast and a piece of boneless, skinless, thin-sliced chicken with salsa as a snack. I'm about to have my turkey sausage and diet soda for lunch. OH, and I have already had more than 9 servings of water (not intentionally flooding myself--just keep sipping without even thinking about it and needing to refill my 3-serving bottle!). In 2 hours, I am off to the gym, then to my second job (sliced ham w/honey mustard for dinner before my shift starts).

As for this coming weekend, I will be at Jeff's house, so no cooking! I am already beginning to plan what I can eat while I'm there--poor boy will have NO say in which restaurants we go to because I will have already picked my menu for the whole weekend

WOW YOU ARE AWESOME LOVES BASSETS THAT INDEX THINGY IS THE BEST THING I EVER HEARD!! Don't give up Jill !!!, We are all in the same boat with ya and totally understand

Good to hear
Just wanted to be that support thats like a rock we all need that every now and then. Sometimes throwing some ideas out there helps nail a few issues we couldnt see the first time around. Glad to hear you already have plans for the weekend. And knowing where your problem areas are really great in helping you prevent issues from happing before they do.
Good Job.. Hope you have a good weekend let us know how this weekdend goes.

This may sound weird but congratulations Jill!!! You realized what was going on after a few days (not a few months and a few dozen pounds) you learned something in the process and you picked yourself back up and kept going so you have my applause for sure!!!!

I go through similar issues on weekends and main problem is lack of structure. I'm super structured during the week and super planned but weekends are more relaxed and spontaneous so often I end up out and about with no plan... or gettting together with friends with no plan... you get the point!

I like the index card idea lovesbassets. I'd forgetten that one even though I've "made" people do it in the past. Sounds like it's time for me to do the exercise again!

Keep on keepin' on Jill! You are doing great!!!

I have a very similar mentality around food - I can also say no to the first bite, but can never say no to the second bite. So, I've just set up my life to be centered around healthy foods - I don't eat fast food anymore. I've put all fast foods, bad foods on a "no" list. A chicken sandwich and fries at Denny's wouldn't even be a blip on my radar - I don't eat fried foods.

Other people can be successful with the whole "listen to your body, all foods are okay in moderation, you don't need to count calories" shindig, but that doesn't work for me. I had to make radical changes and stick to them forever.

I'm not on a diet, this is my diet.

I don't eat fast food, fried foods, packaged baked goods - these are all no's. I avoid booze (still love the occasional glass of red wine), full fat dairy, sugary treats and white carbs (complex carbohydrates like whole wheat pasta are fine). I avoid all packaged foods - crackers, chips, cookies.

This is the only approach that has ever worked for me, I've lost/gained weight several times in my life. I've NEVER maintained weight loss for 7 months before, NEVER.

Breakfast places are actually one of my favorite places. I usually get an egg white omelette made with as little oil as possible, stuffed with vegetables, no cheese topped with salsa. A couple pieces of whole grain bread with jam (toast/jam is a treat I don't eat at home) and a side of fruit or sliced tomatoes and it's a great, healthy, delicious meal (and you can get it any time of day at breakfast restaurants).

I say no a lot to restaurants where I can't be sure I can order something healthy. Yes, it's a big downer and makes me a tough girlfriend/friend/co-worker, but it doesn't bother me one bit.

I'm a huge fan of structure and learning to deal with non structure is a big part of maintenance for me.

Good luck with weight loss - it's the hardest thing I've ever done (and the easiest in a lot of ways).

PS - at Mexican restaurants, I normally order the black bean soup (if it's made without pork), no cheese, with a side of pico de gallo/shredded lettuce. If they have whole wheat tortillas, I make my own black bean burritos - totally healthy.

Hey Jill,

Thanks so much for posting about mistakes made and what you learned from them. I am going through the exact thing you did on the weekends. When I plan my meals during the week I do great, but when it comes time to eating out and I don't know the nutritional value of the food, I usually overeat and feel horrible afterwards. It's always nice when I can find caloric info online beforehand, but that is not always the case. I was laughing when I read "who orders a salad of mostly lettuce when it costs the same as a good burger and fries?" - that is so funny to me because it's so true I feel like if I am going to go out to eat, why would I order salad when I can make a WAY less expensive salad at home? When I go out to eat I want to eat something that I can't make at home......but because I am an overeater, that can turn into a major problem. I tend to be all or nothing with food too.....and that can get you into another set of problems! In the past if I blew a diet I was on, I'd end up saying "forget it, I blew it for good" and I'd go back into my old way of life. This time I won't allow myself to buy into those lies and if I mess up, I pick myself up and start again.

Well, I don't necessarily have all the answers at this point, but I know that I am learning more about my limitations and boundaries as well as allowing myself the freedom to mess up every now and then.

You are not alone If you stumble across any tips along the way in this regard, can you share? I will do the same!

Blessings~
Melanie

I'm pretty relieved to hear everyone sharing this side of the story! I hear plenty of people talk about moderation--everything in moderation, treats in moderation, blah blah blah, so I felt like there must be something wrong with me if I can't handle things in moderation! It's great to see I'm not alone.

One major change I need to make (and stick to!) is to stop eating french fries. If I only ate a few, it wouldn't be so bad, but I always eat them ALL! And there is no reason I can't substitute something else for the fries. Even a carb-loaded baked poatato would be a better choice (86 the butter, or course) because at least it is natural and not fried (though have to be careful--some places SALT the outside of the potato skin ).

I, too, don't tend to eat processed or pre-packaged foods. Obviously, I eat crap when I'm out at restaurants, but at home, it is strictly lean meats, salsa, frozen fruits, the extremely occasional slice of low-carb, whole-grain bread, and that's about it. I know I should eat more veggies, too, but I have tried them every way but up-side-down, and I just don't like them

In good news, I stuck to my guns yesterday! I had my egg white and salsa omelette for breakfast, grilled chicken with salsa as a snack, turkey sausage for lunch, and ham for dinner with nothing to drink during the day but water (at least 11 servings) and diet soda (one being diet sprite, which is also caffeine-free). Stepping on the scale this morning, I seem to have at least shed some of the water weight I had acquired thanks to the extra sodium from the weekend, so even though I am still up a little bit, I am pleased with myself for yesterday's effort. I have the same menu packed for today AND have to work at the restaurant again tonight, so I know I'll get some forced exercise (running around, carrying trays and drinks and plates--Jeff has even noticed that my biceps are getting quite firm)

One thing I learned yesterday is that this major falter in my diet has actually given me more motivation. It's like I know I did badly recently, so I feel the need to be super-good to make up for it. Also, since this feeling of guilt and disgust from the weekend is still so fresh, I know I don't want to do badly and have to feel like that again! When I got home from job #2 last night, I knew there was another jar of peanut butter in the cabinet, and man, did I want it! But I didn't touch it. I didn't even open the cabinet. Heck, I didn't even go in the kitchen except to get my Sprite Zero. Even though I knew it would taste good, I thought seriously to myself about (a) the fact that I wasn't even actually hungry, and (b) that it's 190 calories in 2 tablespoons, and I would most likely eat at least half the jar if I even started! So, I didn't start Next time Jeff is over, I will have to feed him peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all weekend long to get that jar out of my cabinet

LOL!! If he's anything like my partner he'll be happy as a pig in mud! My sweetie could live on Mac 'n Cheese and PBand J for months... well okay she HAS!