My step daughter came to live with us this summer. She is 12 years old, 5'1" and weighs 160 lbs.

It is a long story but I'll cut to the chase. My husband and I had been searching for his daughter for 8 years. Her mom ran off with her. We found her this summer and she has been with us ever since. When we first "met" her I noticed she had all the classic symptoms of diabetes. I got her into the docs office and was told she does not have diabetes but its only a matter of time. The doctor told her she was 50 lbs overweight. My daughter seemed shocked. We left the docs office with a plan and she lost almost 8lbs in a month a half. No junk food, limit portions, mandatory play time, and exercise. Then she went back to her mom's house for a week and a half and when she came back she had gained all 8 lbs back. So we picked right back up where we started. She has only lost 4 lbs now and she has increased her activity level. She is running 3-4 times a week and just yesterday morning she made it 1.5 miles! Since school is back in session she also has P.E. everyday.

My question is....she has been stuck at her 4 pound weight loss for almost a month. What can she do to move that scale? She is journaling, made a reward chart for herself and is excited to get out of "womans clothes" and into a misses size. A sample diet: breakfast-2 scrammbled eggs (no butter) & a 1/2 c blueberries, lunch-4 oz salmon (loves it!), granola bar, 100% juice 6 oz I think, strawberries, string cheese stick, dinner-grilled chicken breast, steamed broccoli, dinner salad (dressing on the side or measured out), snack-yogurt & fruit parfait.

Thanks for any help, suggestions or input you might have!

Well, are you sure she isn't sneaking some snacks in there that you aren't aware of? Also, if she eats lunch at school, you might ought send lunch with her instead because school lunches are evil (well not ALL of them, but the most popular items are). Another thing is that 4 lbs in a month is actually a good rate of loss. It's more effective to lose slowly and one is more likely to keep it off that way.

One thing you might do is what I have done with my kids. I sat them down and explained to them all the bad stuff that is in junk food and the effects it can have on your body. Everything from sugar to transfats to sodium- I went over all of the known triggers for major health problems and I explained to them what to look for on labels for prepared foods and that fresh vegetables and fruits are ALWAYS a better choice. They still like ice cream and icees and we all still have them once in a while, but they no longer come home and head straight for the freezer. Neither of them are overweight- in fact both of my kids are so thin that I actually asked their Dr if they were underweight. It isn't about weight around here- it's about health and setting long term good habits.

Another thing is that she needs to be sure that she is getting *enough* calories. I promise you, if she is eating very healthfully she will be full all the time. There are days when I have to force myself to have a snack in order to stay in my calorie range of 1400 to 1800 calories. Also, keep some fat in. Your body cannot absord nutrients from the veggies without it. Switch from fruit juice to an actual piece of fruit.

In other words, don't fret that she's losing slowly- that's a good thing! Tinker with the "diet" (actually I would drop that word from her vocabulary because of the negative conotations), incorporate whole grains and fresh or frozen veggies (as opposed to canned), and keep moving! I'm sure it was enough of a shock for her to discover that she's overweight- we don't want to have her develope a complex about it. I think we all understand how that goes. Just educate her. www.mypyramid.gov is the governments site that may be helpful and there are tons and tons of websites devoted to nutrition info. Just make it a point to teach her ways to be healthy without making her feel like she's "different". Good luck!


[edited because government sites end in .gov- not .com ]

I think Ham has pretty much hit on all the points, definitely about the school lunches. We type the menus in for our newspaper and I clicked the meals for this week and they are all between 500 and 700 calories just for lunch. The breakfasts are 450-700. You're looking at over 1000 calories just for those two meals. You factor in an after-school snack at home and dinner and that's over 2000 calories daily!!!

I'll sign her up at fitday.com and maybe together we can see if she is eating enough. She doesn't eat the school lunches because our school district does not have a healthy food policy. My ds came home and said he ate pizza hut, a snickers bar, ice cream, and a slushy for lunch! Shocking. She really doesn't get an afternoon snack because by the time she gets home from the bus it is almost 5pm and dinner is within the hour. The fruit parfaits are in the evening and are substitute desserts and that only happens once a week. So maybe she isn't eating enough. I dunno. She did admit to sneaking food from friends at school though.

We also stress healthy living and not so much "diet". We eat fresh veggies, always steamed or raw. I have been giving her the 100% juice for school because its pretty convenient but I guess so can a water bottle. She always has fresh fruit in her lunch too.

It doesn't help that the lunches tend to be stuff like pizza and veggies are optional. The breakfasts- OMG- a sticky bun???? Where is the nutrition in that??? It's so sad that our government sends such mixed messages to school children. They give you the food pyramid and then they provide cheap, nutritionally void foods to our schools. Sad.

I'd like to stress the NO DIET thing. Teach her to eat healthy. And if she remains active (the real key) the weight will come off. Don't nag, just offer good food. It's all about teaching her to eat for health! And yes, school lunches are the worst! We need to get in there and do something!

DH and DSD went for their morning run and after a mile and a half she came inside and is barely sweating. I asked her what color her urine usually is. She said dark yellow. Ding ding ding! She is not drinking enough! After 1.5 miles of running she should be sweating and she wasn't. So I explained why water is so important and what color her urine should be. Since school started I can't be around to encourage her to drink more water. I can do my best while she is at home though.

Thanks for all your suggestions!

My only addition to what has already been said is to try to get skim or lowfat milk in there instead of fruit juice. It sounds like she's getting plenty of fruit.

And stress the health, honesty, and personal responsibility aspects of this for her longterm happiness. I know what I pack in my son's lunch every day, but I also know that that's NOT what he eats. Kids trade their food, dare each other to eat piles of junk (maybe that's just boys), etc.

Best of luck with this...it's hard to fight the schools, peer pressure, advertising, and the constant in-your-face junk food industry!

Mel

Another personal story, if you don't mind. It sounds like your approach is good and your daughter is very receptive, BUT...

When I was ten and a normally chubby (not obese) child, my mother died. About 8 months later, my father remarried. My stepmother decided I was too fat, and tried to help me lose weight by monitoring my food intake and making a big fuss about how SHE didn't need any dessert. No sir! She was watching her weight!! Of course she was very slim, as were my dad and brother. So I did stop eating desserts. But I also started a lifelong habit of secret eating. I would sneak sips of coke and top the bottle up with water; I found where the cookies were hidden in a tin under her dresser; and I spent hours deciding how to get the most - and best tasting - goodies with my little allowance. I became obsessed with getting the sweets I craved. I was fairly active, as were most kids in the sixties.

I've spent the rest of my life thinking I'm fat. And yet until some serious relationship problems derailed me a couple of years ago, I was never more than chubby, and usually quite slim. Maybe without interference I would have slimmed down on my own, and maintained a healthy relationship with food. But my self-image has always remained that little girl who was too fat to eat dessert like my family, and I've been obsessed with my weight and dieting for most of my life.

All of this to say that it's important to be sure your daughter doesn't become obsessed with losing weight to please others. She may still be in a puppy fat stage, and a lot of kids thin out naturally when they hit their mid-teens. It sounds like the two of you are being active together, which is ideal, and you're helping her to have a better understanding of healthy eating. Just don't let her become that sad little girl watching while the men in the family ate the sweets she really wanted.

This concludes today's morality tale.

One of my main concerns is her self image. School has been in session for a week and a half and on 4 different days kids have been calling her names on the bus. Names like piggy, and telling her she lives on a farm, etc. It breaks my heart. It breaks her heart too. School clothes shopping was really hard for her. My ds picked out a few things from the mall. My daughter was upset because she couldn't find anything she liked in her size. Right now she is 12 years old and weighing a 14/16 pant and an XL in shirts. Ofcourse, the mall is mainly stores that cater to thin people. Heck, I know I can't shop there either!

So I'm having her journal and really talk about her feelings. Addressing emotions is something totally new to her. I also created a list of questions like: I feel my best when...... or I am really good at....

I just wanted to stop and tell you how proud I am of you, and how much I admire you for being so wonderful with your stepdaughter.

I would recommend that you keep up what you are doing, and keep doing active things with her. The best thing you can do, is to set a good example for her to follow. If you are active and invite her to walk/run/work out with you, and you are preparing healthy meals for her to eat, and being her cheerleader-you are doing wonderful with her.
If you keep her activity level up, and keep her eating healthy, the weight will slowy come off. Also, it will help when she starts going through her 13-16 year old growth spurt as well-even if she stays around the same weight, or only drops a few more pounds, as she gets taller, if she doesn't gain any weight but maintains her current weight she may slim out some. I was only about 5'2" at her age, and now I am 5'7" for instance.

I am also very, very blessed to have a wonderful stepmother.

Please accept my apologies if I sounded negative in my post. It does sound like you're doing all the right things. It also sounds like she's motivated to lose weight and to be active. I wish you had been my stepmother!!

Being teased on the school bus is probably worse because I imagine she's the new kid, and kids always pick on the newbie. But she sounds like a terrific girl, and once she has made friends that will either stop or not bother her so much. (I was the new girl a total of 8 times before finishing HS. Not fun. But there's always someone who befriends the new girl.)

I live in Canada, but on a recent trip to the US I discovered the wonderful fact that Target has larger sizes in the same clothes as the skinny minnies wear. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! I think I bought 8 bras that were not only pretty but FIT!!! Even though your DD is young, if she's well-developed pretty (not sexy) undies will make her feel feminine and attractive.

Also, if she's running a lot, do make sure she has proper running shoes to protect her feet and knees!

And by the way, even tho my stepmother made a lot of mistakes, it was mostly bad judgement, not deliberate unkindness. And today, 30 years after my father's death, I'm still her daughter and still looking after her.

You might want to look into the book The Ultimate Weight Solution for Teens by Jay McGraw (Dr. Phil's son). The book is written in 'teen language' without talking down to kids. HIGHLY recommended.

The book came out a little over a year ago - I would bet your library has it. If you watched the Dr. Phil Weight Challenge shows back in 2003-2004, he also had a 'teen challenge' which focused on a group of teenagers who changed their lifestyles for the better - good stuff - wish that book had been around back when I was a fat teen!

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/390 <== here's a link for info on the book (from Dr. Phil's site).

I forgot to add this - just before I posted here, I included a link in the Library forum to an article that just appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle this morning (on the front page!) about the alarming increase in childhood obesity, titled "Fatter than Ever".

Gov. Arnold has a summit scheduled for Sept 15 to address childhood health and nutrition - even before he ran for public office, he has been a staunch advocate of physical fitness and health for kids.

The article points out that an analyst with the Center of Consumer Freedom feels that the real issue isn't food choices, but the fact that kids these days get SO little exercise. Gym classes are being cut, there are fewer stay at home moms, and the lure of TV (with 24 hour cartoons and kids' programming), video games and the Internet has had a huge effect on the physical fitness of today's kids. (I remember when I was a kid - cartoons were only on for a couple hours on the weekdays - 3-5 pm - plus Capt. Kangaroo and Romper Room in the mornings...on Saturdays cartoons were only on from 7-11 am, then "Soul Train" and "Bandstand". Of course there were no computers or videogames, so we spent a lot of time playing in the backyard, riding our bikes, doing chores etc.)

IMO though, it's a double whammy - kids today have more access to high-calorie snacks - and they are generally very sedentary. Both issues need to be addressed.

Would it be inappropriate to post a question on the TEEN forum asking their opinions about what kind of support a teen might want?