Just coming back after staying away for awhile.. I tend to do that when I'm in a bad frame of mind.

I just don't know what my problem is.. well, maybe I do. I just don't have willpower/motivation. Sometimes I will get motivation but then it leaves me so quickly.

I want to lose weight, I'm sick of always feeling so abnormal, but here i am... still needing to lose all this weight. I get sick of the whole fat thing but I don't really do anything to change it.

I still eat decent.. not perfect but since I have to eat low sodium, it knocks out alot of the bad foods. I do get to eat taco salad once a week but thats about the worst of it.

I think the problem for me is exercise... i get bored with what i have, but I'm not fit enough to do anything else.. (or even the stuff I do have for that matter) I just cant get myself to do it even though I know I need to.

So here I am again.. being blah.. but I am sure you guys are used to that..

Hey, Heather - Good to see you! This time, you stick around -- good times, bad times, stick around. The encouragement and accountability really does help the bad days from turning into weeks and months. Lean on us!

I know where you are coming from Heather. Getting started is the hardest part and then sticking with it to see real results is the next hardest. Once you do start seeing results it does get somewhat easier. At least it did for me. You start to feel better about yourself and then you want that feeling more an more so you stick with it. However I know how hard it is to get past the first two steps so you can start to feel better. It's a vicious circle. You feel lousy because of your weight and you eat because you feel lousy and are depressed. As I was just telling Ingrid on another thread. I don't have the answer to get you going that has to come from within. Just know that we are her to help you with anything we can. I know you can do this. Everyone has it within themselves it's just a matter of finding what will work for you.

Agreed with Howie and Kimberly,

First of all, none of us feel normal, which is why when you are here you are normal, we are all essentialy fighting the same fight here. Howie is right, while the first leap is the toughest it really does get easier as you go along, your motivation builds. It's like rolling a ball down a hill, it gains more and more speed as it goes. My own suggestion would be, that if you are having trouble finding the initial motivation to get you rolling, try joining one of the clinics like WeightWatchers or Jenny Craig. They are generally good for that initial injection of motivation. It is easy to fall victim to the, "those diets don't work, they are just fads" ideology, I believe all of those diets work, you just need to find which one works for you. For me it's Jenny Craig, for my cousin its WeightWatchers, For a good friend of mine it's Atkins, for others it's a self imposed meal plan, don't be afraid to feel around diets.

Paul

Heather ~ glad to see you back ~ I had been wondering how you were doing.

I know sometimes money does not allow WW or Jenny Craig. However there are also groups that are just for support like TOPS. So if you can't do one of the others mentioned maybe you could find you a group for support. If you can do one of the others mentioned then I'm with Paul give them a try. Keep at it you will get there Heather.

I finally stuck to a program for a number of years when I gave up on motivation. Here's what I realized:

Motivation will often get you started, but motivation is an EMOTION. Emotions always come and go, it's natural. So, if you build your world around dependence on it, you'll always be disappointed. It always leaves. If you stick around long enough it'll come back, but it's going to cycle in and out for the rest of your life.

For me, success finally came when, rather than hoping my motivation would sustain me through losing and keeping off 170+ pounds, I decided I was going to do what it takes to see me through. I had a long talk with myself about the fact that it was going to be hard when that initial enthusiasm faded, that there would be times when I was hanging on by my fingernails. I would often have to do things I didn't WANT to do, or I would have to refrain from doing things I WANTED. I could no longer live my life by whim. I would give up a lot of things I enjoyed -- not only eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but I LOVE cooking and talking and reading about recipes and techniques and restaurants and cuisines. I was giving up my primary hobby. I would have to find other ways to deal with boredom besides food. I was going to make a radical change in my life, and that included being active. I learned about myself and what strategies would help me stay on track when "motivation" and "willpower" were not close at hand. I felt vulnerable when my office had it's holiday party that first year ... so I didn't go. I don't keep food in the house that I'm prone to binge on. I make sure that I have my lunch for the next day packed before I go to bed so I don't have the "I didn't have time this morning" excuse. Etc.

Good for you for coming back. There are lots of ways to keep that motivation flowing -- books and websites to read and whatnot, journaling, etc. However, I think the people who are successful in the long run do so through determination, not motivation. At least that's the case for me.

Wow, funniegrrl -- what excellent advice. You're so right about motivation being a feeling that comes and goes.

I couldn't agree more. The paradigm shift for me occurred when I realized that my world didn't have to revolve around what I wanted, but rather what I needed. In my case anyway, I recognized that to be motivated primarily by wants was just sort of, well, childish! If I were a parent, I wouldn't allow my child to just have whatever they wanted; I'd oversee, monitor and intervene in order to keep them healthy, and I'd coach them to learn self-control. Left to their own devices, they'd just go OFF -- doing what they wanted and not doing what they didn't want.....much as I did in getting to my highest weight!

So it really had to become about my head, not my heart. I just made up my mind that I was going to stick it out during the hard times, and that I was going to see it through for a long, long time. I really believe that once you make up your mind, you can do just about whatever you sincerely INTEND to do. It's a matter of being purposeful, not motivated.

I can also completely relate to funniegrrl's approach of planning and preparedness, and setting herself up for success. At least in the beginning, removing choice was critical. Last year, when I was successfully losing, people were always asking me how I stayed so motivated, and I would tell them that I'd just made up my mind. Now, post chemo, although I'm currently frustrated at not losing, it boils down once again to determination.

I'm glad you brought this up, funniegrrl, because I think it's a critical point. When you have a lot to lose, you can't hang all your hopes on motivation alone. That will wax and wane. It's absolutely got to be a head thing -- you just have to have that talk with yourself, make up your mind that you're in it for the long haul, and then dig in your heels through the times when your motivation is low.

Motivation's great, don't get me wrong!! I just don't think it's enough.

Excellent points here! How can you hang changing your life on whether you feel like it that day or not? Didn't work for me, that's for sure! Think that explains all those failed diet attempts I've made in the past? I'd say so! Motivation, like willpower, comes and goes, and cannot be the basis for successful weight loss and maintenance. Think of it like a deadline you have to make. You keep putting it off to the last minute, but when it comes to crunch time you hunker down and git'er done, whether you want to or not, right? It's that shift in thinking we keep talking about, from wanting something really bad, to knowing what must be done and just doing it, no matter what. That really is what made the difference for me this time.

Beverly

Hey, Heather. I don't think I can beat the points made above by our lovely and successful board groupies, but I just wanted to offer my support. We all know how difficult it is. Exercise is a hard routine to get into- the only way I get it done is to do it at the same time every day, or else it falls by the wayside because I swear I'll do it "later." And for me, when I exercise it's harder to mess up foodwise, because I think about how hard I worked out and how proud of it I am.

If it were easy, no one would be overweight- but you have the drive and the desire, so I know you can do it. Don't be a stranger!

Hey! Welcome back!

I'm fairly new here but this is such a great thread with lots of awesome advice! I'll just say that I went through my first rough patch a few days ago and I totally lost motivation - but I stuck around here and whined a little in the buddy thread and someone responded and that set me right back on track! So, for me, being here and being as active as I can is the key!

Stick around! You can do it!

Welcome back heather. You've been given some wonderful advice on here.

Thanks guys...

I think I just need to start over...

add some new foods... do something to mix things up a bit

Thanks for all the advice!

Ok,..

I'm back again. I realized that I started lurking again and told myself

"heather, knock it off!"

The other day I was in a foul mood all day.. before hubby and I went to bed we had a really heartfelt discussion about weightloss and health. He has also gained alot of weight since we were married, so I worry about him a lot.

I have been upset for a very long time because I really want to have a baby. I feel like I am getting older and losing the chance. I really dont think I can even get pregnant with all of this weight. I have wanted to have a baby for years and whenever someone that lives close by gets pregnant, I am happy for them, but its like a knife in my insides.. I really think that Brian and I missed our chance to be parents.. if only I had lost weight years ago...

He told me that it was not too late to start and try.. we could still lose the weight in time. We are only 28 and 29... He said that he thinks I failed so many times before because he did not join me. He promised to do it with me this time. He told me that he would cut back on soda as his first step and he would not bring junk into the house any more. He even went for a walk the other day up a hill and he was wiped when he came back. THat made him realize that he really needed to exercise more often!

I still couldn't start.. I just couldnt exercise at all. So today I said "oh come on.. heather" and got a bunch of upbeat music together and listened to it while I did my Leslie Sasnsone 1 mile dvd.

I got through it pretty well considering how rusty I am.. but I'm feeling a bit better about it:-)

Blah.. sorry to blab on so much :-)