Hey all,

I'm in need of advice about how to handle starting a relationship with someone who has no idea I've lost 65 pounds. I'm starting to date this guy who I really like, and we're going on an all-day trip Saturday. I'm worried about eating in front of him. Last weekend we went offshore fishing with a mutual friend (the matchmaker) and we did eat lunch, and I definitely packed my own, healthy lunch. My ever-plentiful carrot supply was mentioned in passing by the friend who knows about my weight loss, but wasn't a subject of conversation.

I'm worried that if I spend a whole day with this guy he might question my admittedly picky, quirky eating habits that come from this healthy lifestyle. I try to bring my own food everywhere so I don't have to make a big deal of where we stop to eat when I'm with people. But I feel like there is such a stigma attached to weight loss. I'm a very honest, open person, and everyone else in my life - family, friends, co-workers - know about my healthy lifestyle. I'm worried if questioned and I chalk it up to being healthy without mentioning losing 65 pounds, or he just notices my carrot sticks and fruit, he'll translate my response/eating actions into "she's just one of those high-maintenance obsessive skinny types." But I'm worried that mentioning weight loss may also scare him off. It's way to early to try and explain the emotions involved. I'm not going to lie to him if directly questioned, but I'm trying to figure out how to phrase an answer in the best way if it does come up.

To top it off, I haven't dated anyone since before my weight loss. And before, I hardly ever dated anyway.

Has anyone gone through similar experiences? Thanks!

~Megan

Hmmm...Well I have never had this situation myself. I think you are right that it is too early to get into the emotional side of the issue. If he doesn't say anything, great don't bring it up until you are ready. But he is does ask I think it you should be honest. If it scares him away then it just means he is not for you. However, without being confronted with a picture I think "I recently lost weight" is abstract enough that he might just not worry about it.

If he asks I would say something along the lines of "I have recently lost some weight and am still learning how to not gain it back so I like to be careful about what I eat." As long as you say it matter of fact and not emotionally I think that is how he will take it. Plus if you let him know it was recent he might be more understanding of your quirky habits.

SJ

I met my current boyfriend after I lost about 50 pounds (granted, I still have a way to go, but 50 pounds is still 50 pounds). He didn't know that I had been heavier--he just saw me being picky and obsessive. I recommend just telling him the truth. You don't have to go into details, especially not the emotional aspect, but explain to him that you've lost weight and you're not gaining it back, and this is how you do it and leave it at that (until later). If he's worth keeping, he won't press the issue, and he'll probably be proud of you and like you even more for your hard work and determination. Chances are, there's something about him that HE would like to change, so he'll relate somehow (even if it's not really the same, just let him run with it--it makes it easier on them).

~Elisha

If you're not comfortable talking about the weightloss, Just tell him you've had bad eating habits and you're trying to maintain good ones or say I'm trying to eat heathier
Kierie

First off, congratulations on losing 65 pounds and meeting your goal!! That's great! I still have 20 pounds to go to get to my goal of 65-pounds lost.

Like the other girls said, definitely be honest. He will probably be proud of you and respect you for all of your hard work. It shows you care about your body and your health, and who wouldn't like that?

Well said!

Sometimes I just smack myself and say "duh." Of course, that's all I need to say. I'd blown my fears way out of proportion and gotten too caught up into making issue where there was barely one. Thanks for the advice

go get him high maintenence skinny girl! and just enjoy yourself - thats what boys are there for!

I went through a similar situation - started dating someone after losing 50 pounds and wasn't sure what to say about it. I've maintained the original 50 pound loss for 3 years and am trying to lose a bit more, but I still don't like to talk about losing the weight. I feel like a failure for having gained so much weight in the first place, so I have a hard time seeing the loss as an accomplishment.

I dealt with comments from the guy on my eating/exercise habits by telling him that I had to make healthy choices to stay in good shape. It was hard for him to understand because he could eat anything and not gain weight. His problem was lifting enough weights to help him look less skinny. I eventually did let him know and he saw pictures of me at heavier points in my life. He was very supportive of my good habits. We went to the gym together and he started eating more vegetables when we moved in together. But I waited until I was more comfortable with him before I told him everything. The first few dates in any relationship always give me jitters, so I don't like introducing all of my baggage to someone that I may not even date for very long.

My whole situation was sort of weird because I quit my job and started school right around the 50 pound loss point, so I met a ton of new people that had never seen me as anything but a fit size 6. My friends from school just think I'm a really healthy person because I make eating well and exercising a part of my life at all times (even during finals and studying for the bar exam). I've made allusions to being heavier after college, I just feel embarrassed about telling people how out of hand I let my weight gain get.

At this point, I'm single again. The whole major weight loss thing was a few years ago and I don't know that I would really mention it. I wouldn't hide the fact that I was heavier and I lost quite a bit of weight, just as I wouldn't hide the fact that I dated someone for a long time and lived with him before we broke up, but those are parts of my past that I've learned from and have moved past.

So, I guess the short version of my long, rambling answer is that you can always just say you are trying to get in better shape or eat well and you can explain the history and emotional stuff whenever you think it's appropriate or relevant. And no one should really question your desire to take good care of your body, hopefully you will be a healthy inspiration for him!