I have a huge problem with my hubby....we both eat to spend time together... Like if we have a date night...we always go out to eat....there are plenty of other activities but we just eat..... also our families when they get together have huge buffet style feasts. In both situations I have no will power and I usually eat a ton and then feel very guilty the next day. Can anyone relate to this?

Are there any good salad bar buffets near you? A gigantic plate of crunchy salad doesn't "cost" much in calories, and it takes forever to eat. I find that if I eat a ton of salad veggies & some fruit & cheese, I just don't have the room left for the hot things at the salad bar, though I will have dessert since dinner itself was so low cal. Tonight we are going to a Chinese buffet where you cook your own food at the table in broth (can also grill, but we don't). All the little old chinese ladies take plates piled to the roof with unusual greens (since they shrink like crazy), so I do the same. it's fun.

cheerio, Sue

Breaking the association between relaxation/celebration and food was a big one for me. It really is important to long-term success in my view. I had a HUGE problem with gorging for any reason at all -- but usually not from anger or whatever, but either in response to "I'm tired and I deserve to treat myself" or just generic celebration.

I remember the first day I got really stressed at work after I started my program. The job had been going well and I had been on my program for a while, so it wasn't like this happened the first week. I became very aware of that voice telling me I "needed" to go out to a nice restaurant after work to "relax" and it was an urge that was very hard to fight. That taught me how skewed my relationship with food had become, that I relied on it to express myself.

If you don't break the association, it'll continue to trip you up. If you continue to give in to food you know you shouldn't eat to "fit in" or please other people, then that's an issue too. Gatherings are about being with the people, not about the food. You can be social and enjoy the meal -- food SHOULD be social, after all -- but the food shouldn't be the focus of the occasion.

You can go out to eat (or go to the family feasts) and not overdo it, but if you find that your skills and determination aren't up to the task, then it's best to just avoid going out for a while until you feel more grounded and in control. You are fighting years of conditioning, and sometimes you have to go cold turkey for a while to understand how big a hold something like this has on you, and what you need to do to break it.

Kathy, I can really relate to what you're saying. When DH and I first met, I was slim and fit, and was running regularly. Going out to eat was "the thing to do" on a date (as well as other things!), and we soon started packing on the pounds. It was particularly bad in my case, "because I was a feminist, damnit, and I was entitled to eat just as much as he was!" How stupid is THAT!
I see the same pattern with our children. They LOVE getting snacks... it's a treat. Or a take-out meal. What's THAT all about!? Why do we think that food is a reward?

This is a hard one... and a difficult one for me too

can someone explain what abstinance means in OA.

thanks

Pat, welcome!
I'm going to refer you to this post, as it'll explain things better than I could.
If you have any more questions, we're right here for you!
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/show...13&postcount=1

I just clicked that link and officially fell in love with this place. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Great topic Kathy! I can totally relate to eating to celebrate, eating for ccomfort, eating for boredom. I have known that for years, but now I see that I use it to "cope" with Everything. I'm having to come up with new things to do with my time and new ways of doing old things (like your date example). Thinking how I would handle it, I would either have an abstinent dinner at home and then go do something else, or go out where I can get an abstinent dinner, won't be tempted to overeat. That's hard with portion sizes these days. Definitely I can't go to an all you can eat place because i have to feel i'm getting my money's worth.

I eat 5 meals/snacks a day, pretty much the same composition per meal from day to day (i.e. usually lunch is 2 starch, 2 proteins, a fat and some veggies. i'm not rigid about it.) so you could go out, maybe get an appetizer and a salad.

for family food activities that you can't alter, I'll just say work the program. do you have a sponsor?

Thankyou ellis- that helps.